Caring for Mother: She doesn't trust my care. Suggestions?

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Jun 12, 2019

<p>It’s only been about two months since my Mom fell and broke her shoulder. The problems started 4 days later when her hand and elbow became contracted and she became fearful of standing, walking, being pushed in a wheelchair, riding in the car, scared of the dark. She is scare of everything. All of a sudden she’s lonely, she wants me to sit in her room all night. She calls me all the time starting 30 minutes after I put her to bed. “Are you awake,” when she asks if I’m awake she doesn’t wand anything just wants to know. “What time is it,” she has a clock a inches away. “Is it morning?” “Can I get up” 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am “I’m thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable, adjust my pillow, open the window/door, I’m hot/cold. When I walk with her she screams out “SLOW DOWN, YOUR GOING TO FAST… we are stopped, not moving at all or “I’m falling” or “I’m going to fall.” It NEVER stops, NEVER. My Dad was paralyzed from the neck down and was more independent and he had total confidence in me. My Mom doesn’t trust me at all. She was independent prior to the fall and now she’s totally dependent on me for everything. Under the best of circumstances I seldom sleep. I’m often up for days. Good thing I guess. But I can’t keep this up. I don’t know how to get her to trust me. I don’t mind doing everything that needs doing, well cooking and cleaning isn’t at the top of the list but I keep us alive and the house hasn’t been condemned. So I suppose my question is, is she being reasonable?<br />Thanks,<br />Jake</p>

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@hopeful33250

So sorry for your loss, @jakedduck1. My mom passed away today, on Thanksgiving, so I sense the emptiness you feel.

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@hopeful33250
I would like to offer you and your family my deepest and sincerest condolences.
I received this poem when my Dad passed, maybe it will bring you a little comfort.

To Those I Love
by Isla Paschal Richardson

If I should ever leave you whom I love
To go along the Silent Way, grieve not,
Nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk
Of me as if I were beside you there,
(I’d come… I’d come, could I but find a way!
But would not tears and grief be barriers?)
And when you hear a song or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me be sad…
For I am loving you just as I always have…
You were so good to me!
There are so many things I wanted still to do…
So many things to say to you…
Remember that I did not fear…
It was just leaving you that was so hard to face…
We cannot see Beyond… But this I know;
I loved you so…
‘Twas heaven here with you!
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@hopeful33250
I would like to offer you and your family my deepest and sincerest condolences.
I received this poem when my Dad passed, maybe it will bring you a little comfort.

To Those I Love
by Isla Paschal Richardson

If I should ever leave you whom I love
To go along the Silent Way, grieve not,
Nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk
Of me as if I were beside you there,
(I’d come… I’d come, could I but find a way!
But would not tears and grief be barriers?)
And when you hear a song or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me be sad…
For I am loving you just as I always have…
You were so good to me!
There are so many things I wanted still to do…
So many things to say to you…
Remember that I did not fear…
It was just leaving you that was so hard to face…
We cannot see Beyond… But this I know;
I loved you so…
‘Twas heaven here with you!
Jake

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How beautiful, @jakedduck1! That was a blessing to me. Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide that lovely poem.

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@jakedduck1

I want to let everyone know how grateful I am for your advice and words of encouragement, wisdom kindness and etc over the last 5 months. You kids are always there when I need you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I wish I could express more appropriately my gratitude.
On November 6th my mom started seizing, as the Paramedics wheeled her into the ER she went into cardiac arrest. They did chest compressions and restarted her heart, something she didn’t want. Tuesday her journey ended. She passed away about 9:30pm. I only wish I had the honor of taking care of her longer. It’s only been 7 months since her fall.
Jake

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Sorry for your loss Jake! Your mother was fortunate to have had you to care for her! Take care!

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Dear @hopeful33250 and @jakedduck1, I'd like to add my heartfelt condolences. I wish you kindness as you experience the mixed emotions of losing a mom. Gratitude for the end of any pain or discomfort they may have been feeling. Peace that you were there. Sadness as you experience loss as a caregiver and as the child you once and always were to them. And bundle of emotions as you relive memories of their lives. May some of the memories bring warmth and smiles.

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@colleenyoung

Dear @hopeful33250 and @jakedduck1, I'd like to add my heartfelt condolences. I wish you kindness as you experience the mixed emotions of losing a mom. Gratitude for the end of any pain or discomfort they may have been feeling. Peace that you were there. Sadness as you experience loss as a caregiver and as the child you once and always were to them. And bundle of emotions as you relive memories of their lives. May some of the memories bring warmth and smiles.

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Your kind words are most appreciated, @colleenyoung, thank you!

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Oh, @jakedduck1 and @hopeful33250 This is a difficult time of year when we lose a loved one. The idea of giving thanks seems so remote, doesn't it? Then think of the fact that you each were there for your moms, and be thankful for that. My heartfelt sorrow for each of your losses.
Ginger

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@gingerw

Oh, @jakedduck1 and @hopeful33250 This is a difficult time of year when we lose a loved one. The idea of giving thanks seems so remote, doesn't it? Then think of the fact that you each were there for your moms, and be thankful for that. My heartfelt sorrow for each of your losses.
Ginger

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Such comforting words, @gingerw, thank you!

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@jakedduck1

I want to let everyone know how grateful I am for your advice and words of encouragement, wisdom kindness and etc over the last 5 months. You kids are always there when I need you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I wish I could express more appropriately my gratitude.
On November 6th my mom started seizing, as the Paramedics wheeled her into the ER she went into cardiac arrest. They did chest compressions and restarted her heart, something she didn’t want. Tuesday her journey ended. She passed away about 9:30pm. I only wish I had the honor of taking care of her longer. It’s only been 7 months since her fall.
Jake

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So sorry to hear. Condolences.

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@jakedduck1

I want to let everyone know how grateful I am for your advice and words of encouragement, wisdom kindness and etc over the last 5 months. You kids are always there when I need you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I wish I could express more appropriately my gratitude.
On November 6th my mom started seizing, as the Paramedics wheeled her into the ER she went into cardiac arrest. They did chest compressions and restarted her heart, something she didn’t want. Tuesday her journey ended. She passed away about 9:30pm. I only wish I had the honor of taking care of her longer. It’s only been 7 months since her fall.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I am so sorry that your mother has passed away. I somehow missed this post, in fact this is the first I have seen this whole topic. It always sounded like you were very good to your mother which should be a comfort to you.
The poem you posted is beautiful, something that could be very helpful to many people.
JK

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