Caring for Mother: She doesn't trust my care. Suggestions?

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Jun 12, 2019

<p>It’s only been about two months since my Mom fell and broke her shoulder. The problems started 4 days later when her hand and elbow became contracted and she became fearful of standing, walking, being pushed in a wheelchair, riding in the car, scared of the dark. She is scare of everything. All of a sudden she’s lonely, she wants me to sit in her room all night. She calls me all the time starting 30 minutes after I put her to bed. “Are you awake,” when she asks if I’m awake she doesn’t wand anything just wants to know. “What time is it,” she has a clock a inches away. “Is it morning?” “Can I get up” 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am “I’m thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable, adjust my pillow, open the window/door, I’m hot/cold. When I walk with her she screams out “SLOW DOWN, YOUR GOING TO FAST... we are stopped, not moving at all or “I’m falling” or “I’m going to fall.” It NEVER stops, NEVER. My Dad was paralyzed from the neck down and was more independent and he had total confidence in me. My Mom doesn’t trust me at all. She was independent prior to the fall and now she’s totally dependent on me for everything. Under the best of circumstances I seldom sleep. I’m often up for days. Good thing I guess. But I can’t keep this up. I don’t know how to get her to trust me. I don’t mind doing everything that needs doing, well cooking and cleaning isn’t at the top of the list but I keep us alive and the house hasn’t been condemned. So I suppose my question is, is she being reasonable?<br />Thanks,<br />Jake</p>

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I was in my office this morning and I overheard her praying to be taken home. She’s been praying all morning and I can’t understand everything but it all has to do with going home. I’ve had a wonderful journey. I can’t last much longer. She is giving up.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

I was in my office this morning and I overheard her praying to be taken home. She’s been praying all morning and I can’t understand everything but it all has to do with going home. I’ve had a wonderful journey. I can’t last much longer. She is giving up.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Hello, again. This must be so difficult to deal with especially when it’s your mother. But at the same time, it’s very common. Hospice says that people talk about death and dying as a journey. For your mom, her journey is to go home. It may be difficult for you, but try to engage her in conversation. Ask if she’s seeing someone special, if she’s remembering good times. And, also be sure to let her know how much you’ll miss her and what a great mother she has been. Say all the things you might not have said before. Let her know that you will be OK, that you have friends here. Reminisce about special times together. This was neither of you will have regrets as she continues her journey. It might also help to call her doctor and request Hospice. They are the real experts. I hope all goes well for you

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@jakedduck1

I was in my office this morning and I overheard her praying to be taken home. She’s been praying all morning and I can’t understand everything but it all has to do with going home. I’ve had a wonderful journey. I can’t last much longer. She is giving up.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Leonard, that must have thrown you for a loop. Like Becky said, talk to her. Tell her what you want to say, in case she slips into a state where she cannot process your words. You have been a faithful son, and I'd bet you have most if not all arrangements figured out for the "what if" times. Now is the time to call on your close by friends, for a physical connection, not just us as we are cyber only. My mother did that as her cognitive abilities diminished. We're here for you.
Ginger

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When my father made the remark "I wish I could die", I responded God isn't ready for you yet, and that seemed to comfort him.

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I can certainly understand why they want to go home. It's a normal response to lots of people when this life seems just too hard to bear. Sometimes they say that when what they want is to be back in the home of their childhood where they felt safe and secure with their loved ones. So sad!

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
I think all this bad luck comes my way because I eventually manage to handle it. Although there seems to be a lot of bellyaching along the way. My tire situation cost $1200.
Now she can’t stand. Very hard to transfer now.
Some good news though, I asked for occupational therapy for her arm, hand & wrist and it was denied twice but I persevered and heard yesterday we lost our first appeal but won our second appeal so she has appointment Monday afternoon. I will try and get her more physical therapy then. As it stands now I can’t get her in the car. We will probably have to take a wheelchair taxi. Her doctor is being a jerk. He ordered OT that was denied them refused to order it but the therapist got him to reorder it. I thought doctors were suppose to help patients. He won’t give me prescriptions for some equipment either. I’m willing to pay for it myself so I can’t understand his reasoning.
I’m off to dermatologist now. No more bad news I hope.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I remember you mentioning that your mother had an OT appointment this past Monday. How did it go? Did you learn anything to help both of you? Let us know!

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@jakedduck1

I was in my office this morning and I overheard her praying to be taken home. She’s been praying all morning and I can’t understand everything but it all has to do with going home. I’ve had a wonderful journey. I can’t last much longer. She is giving up.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Your spirits have been go good lately! Talking about not cooking and not drawing straight lines. Has your mother gotten better so you’re not so stressed? Let us know

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@jakedduck1 Hi, Leonard! Haven’t hears from you in awhile. How is your mother doing? And, very importantly, how are you doing? I miss your “rays of sunshine” in my day!

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@becsbuddy

@jakedduck1 Hi, Leonard! Haven’t hears from you in awhile. How is your mother doing? And, very importantly, how are you doing? I miss your “rays of sunshine” in my day!

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@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I’m so sorry to hear that you’re not well and in the hospital. Bad luck. I’m glad your brother is able to help and hired an agency. Maybe you can use them for a couple days a week once you get home. You will really need to rest for awhile. I’m sending big hugs and words of encouragement! P.S. Since someone else is cooking, how is the food? Becky

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