Blaming and anger: How do you deal with it?

Posted by murkywaters @murkywaters, Dec 3 8:59am

He spilled cereal and blamed me.
He suggested I invite my son for Thanksgiving, even though he's been out of my life for ten years. The doctor gave him a referral to a neurologist, which he ignored. These are just a few examples of my current situation. How do you all cope? I'm ill today with Norovirus, and hiding away in my bedroom.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 1 day ago

In reply to @merriannie "@elliottw" + (show)

@merriannie. When you signed on yesterday, you mentioned @elliott and then never wrote your comment
Are you having some trouble with formatting your answers or did you change your mind about answering? It’s no big problem. Just let me know so I can help!

merriannie | @merriannie | 1 day ago

In reply to @becsbuddy "@merriannie. When you signed on yesterday, you mentioned @elliott and then never wrote your comment Are..." + (show)

@becsbuddy

Yes I was not getting the opportunity to comment but either forgot my password or never finished the set up.

I think I am good now.

labrown | @labrown | 1 day ago

In reply to @lizzabeth "@lkbous My husband was just having several days a month of the strange behavior but now..." + (show)

@lizzabeth I too journal. It is a good way to keep up with the progression of the disease and very helpful to have when it’s time to go to the doctor.

celia16 | @celia16 | 13 hours ago

In reply to @lueverson "My husband is undiagnosed because he is in denial and his medical team is of no..." + (show)

@lueverson , It is imperative to get help for yourself. Professionals can best determine what treatment you need. I will add that I understand the frustration of dealing with a person who has dementia and who is uncivil towards you in the home.

You describe your husband’s cognitive decline as mild……please get a legal consultation to learn your rights and responsibilities. As your husband’s condition progresses, it will only get more frustrating and demanding. After what I have experienced with caregiving family members who have dementia in the home……I highly encourage lots of outside help or placement in a facility if that level of care is warranted.

Most people can’t imagine this care 24/7. Even for someone who doesn’t have depression, it’s overwhelming. Please protect your own health.

I’ll also add that the prospect of getting a loved one to admit they have dementia isn’t a big help. It seems like it would help, but not really. Even if they do admit it, the’ll forget. Because the reasoning is off, they can’t process how the disease is affecting them. The inability to recognize their condition is quite common. And even if they do, it’s momentary.

It sounds like his doctor may not have experience treating dementia patients. There are ways to handle it.

So, I would certainly get legal advice to get advice on estate planning and your marital rights. Best wishes with everything.