Mayo Clinic Connect
@gingerw I found that when I was asked about situations other were having that are similar to mine the PTSD was triggered to the point I could no longer talk to a long time because I was too stressed by the things she was asking about and sharing tests that she was having done. Those down there things. I am thankful she is not close by. I can no longer tolerate her telling me about these things. I have tried to tell this long time friend-she doesn't understand how severe the PTSD has been and the memories it loosens through my mind and body. She knows some of my past and due to the severity I don't share share the really bad stuff. No one needs to know!!! Sorry, been kind of distressed as of late. Oh gee, not making sense. These awful memories. Time to get busy doing something.
Jump to this post
@parus I agree that remembering can be so stressful. Like @merpreb said it is all in the past. But the events color our life, hopefully after a long time it is just a tint, but still there, I know. You are stronger for being a victor over everything, remember that!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, Parus ... see all
@parus Depression, anxiety, PTSD, claustrophobia and a bunch of other things are a total mystery to many of the people who have never experienced them. Stigma is alive and well, I'm afraid.
I had an MRI last week and told the referring doctor that I was claustrophobic. She must have no idea what that means. She prescribed Ativan to take an hour ahead and a second one 15 minutes ahead. First, it's on my drug allergies list, and second, I've been taking Clonazepam for years, which is one of Ativan's cousins, so it had zero effect on me. A panic attack started before I got six inches into the machine. I closed my eyes and focused on arranging chords for a song we sing at church, and I managed to stop the panic in time.
I think PTSD has connections with panic/anxiety disorder. It generates some of the same signs in me.
I hear people all the time say that I have to let go of the past and its hurts. That the past is gone. That I shouldn't (there's that dread word, should) let my past control my present. But, the past has affected and shaped me, for good or for ill. I never hear anyone say that I need to let go of the good things in my past, yet they've also been part of the shaping process.
I'm afraid that I have selective remembering. I remember the things that aren't important and forget things that are.
I've been exposed to mindfulness many times over the past 15 years, and one thing that is stressed is not to deny my past, and not to shove it out of my mind, but to acknowledge the memories. That doesn't mean to dwell on them, but to respond to the memories in the positive ways I've learned in mindfulness training. I find that when I can do that, I'm able to move on and not become trapped by the past pain. It hasn't ceased to exist. It just doesn't have as much control over me that it use to.
We're all works in progress, aren't we.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@jimhd – Good morning. That must have been a frustrating and scary experience prior to and at the beginning of the MRI. The same thing happened to me a few months ago. When I was on the MRI table I could feel myself tense and thought, Oh ….. I yelled out, " stop" as the table started to go into the machine. The technician came in the room and talked to me. He put a light scarf over my head and just a bit of a corner allowed me to see what was going on. I've also been given the wrong drugs for different things. So what I do now is ask what is being prescribed and any side effects I might experience before the doctor leaves the room. This way I can control a situation like you mentioned. Drugs can be ordered so quickly with a computer that if a doctor hit the send key, it's too late to discuss anything, and you have a new prescription waiting for you.
Of course the past does shape and effect us, a lot. That doesn't mean that we have to carry it around and let it dictate how we react to those memories our entire lives. We can stuff them away, maybe not permanently, but for at least some of the time. It's amazing how many insensitive people there are that mean well but do not know how to do that. Other than walking away from them you might say, "sounds like you have through this, what's your secret?" By the way I struggled to come up with this one.
After 10 years of being free from my first cancer I had a new one, much different than the first. I was shocked beyond words. That started my journey of PTSD, migraines, etc. My upbringing and my sense of of the world around me came barreling in, like a tsunami overwhelming a beach. I fell asleep to the word, get over it by many people. It has taken me years to do just that but only after years of trying to deal with each situation.
When I remember it, I try to be mindful. I try to do the things that keep me healthy both physically and mentally but sometimes I don't.
One thing that I have to remember is that I am only remembering the past and it is the memory that hurts or makes me fearful. I find that I am not always successful in thinking positively about them. How do you do this?
Liked by Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Dear Parus, Peach here again. My PTSD never leaves me completely. Whenever I hear a child crying as I shop in Publix (grocery store) it brings back my ptsd memories and I want to lash out at the person doing this to the child. There was a time when I would leave the store and return when this person was gone. The ugly memories were brought back to me when hearing the child's cries. This is now a little better with time. To help this I force back memories until I remember some of the few times I found solace in the beauty of the small but good things you see in our life. I hone in on this piece of beauty going over it with it's goodness again and again. (Like the tiny morning glory that I found hiding under a bush. But it was alive and brought me into a tender moment of loveliness. The strength that this tiny flower had to be alive gave me strength. I cried a good cry and it was very healing. We must hold on. It is hard to do this but when I need to I think of this beautiful tiny morning glory flower holding on in the only way it knew how. There is love for us but we must, must love our selves. I hear you and there are many of us who do hear you. Just some of us cannot answer you as yet. They are working on healing in themselves but are still thing of you. Love, love anf love. Peach and the rest of us.
Liked by Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@parus– Hello. One thing that I find when memories attack me is to remember that they are just that, memories. They happened "ago". And it has been shown that our memories do not give us an accurate account "today." I am not saying that my memory is inaccurate in it's facts, but certainly time and other experiences have colored them.
I don't blame you for phasing out your friendship. One thing about friendships, we have to listen and understand. If that doesn't happen there's no reason to be friends. That must have been a sad day when you said good by to her in your heart, and maddening too!
lol- You are making perfect sense. PTSD is not a friend. How is your health and rest?
Not finished yet. Maybe I am wrong but you do not want to talk to your friend of what memories are hurting you. Say it, get it out stop holding it in. Yes it certainly is embarrasing, So what? Get it out somehow. Then start to live and also remember of the lovely morning glory. With care and love Peach
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@merpreb I always read the paperwork that comes with a medication. This one slipped by me. I'd have objected. I talked with the pharmacist about it and she recommended that I have an injection. I need to ask the pharmacist what the injection would be.
A psychologist said at a conference I attended, " Our brain is designed to be able to move thoughts into an archive file, close it off, so bad memories are stored in that archive, but we still can gain access to the account." That's been helpful to me for many years, knowing that those memories are still in that part of my brain, but shut off from view. They're back there somewhere, but not in the daily functioning space.
At another conference, a speaker suggested that we write a letter to the person who caused us pain, even if they're already in the grave. He told us that we could choose either to put it in the mail, or tear it up and burn it. I chose to write a letter to a former boss, and mailed it to him. It felt like that particular piece of my PTSD was dealt with, and found that I could move on. He responded to my letter (this was before texting and emailing were created), and expressed that my letter had meant a lot to him. That added another layer to the trauma he had caused in my life.
Well, it's Sunday afternoon, and that means nap time.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@jimhd– Hi. I wasn't talking about paper work that comes with a prescription. I was talking about actually talking to the doctor before you leave the office. Byt the time you collect you Rx it's too know what was prescribed. I suggest that you go back and contact your doctor and talk with her/him about alternative ways of getting medicines that you can take. Also, perhaps a talk about not paying attention to you or your history when it comes to allergies or intolerance. I am going through the same thing right now with my doctor, not about meds but office policies and mistakes with dosages and and timely responses. It's makes me very anxious. You too?
Liked by Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Oh yes I must agree with you that panic and anxiety are still alive and active with my ptsd. Lt is very, very difficult tp stop when it is activated. peach
Liked by Jim, Volunteer Mentor
@merpreb I have seen the doctor who ordered the MRI one time. I told her assistant that I would need something for claustrophobia. I think that any of my usual doctors would have known that Ativan was a no no, and would have no effect. The neurologist is the one who ordered the next MRI, and I'm going to talk with him about it.
The more doctors and other care givers who are involved with my health issues, the more likely it is that slip ups will happen.
Ah, see Jim. I didn't have the whole story. You are exactly right. There are too many people involved in our lives and especially our health. I hope that it doesn't happen to you again.
@merpreb Me too
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor
I never had PTSD before. I had a job I loved for 23 years. There is this thing called "Workplace Bullying", which is very unethical but not against the law. Every state individually has to pass their own Workplace Bullying Law. Workplace bullying is such a deep subject, that all I can say is that it changes a person's whole being and life. At first, I did not know what was happening. Then I figured it out. I stayed the longest in my department (3 years). I read on The Workplace Bullying Site (very interesting), that workplace bullying is like a concentration camp, because every day you don't know what will happen, and it will always be something negative. They bullied approximately 100 people in the company. They do this as a money saver. A huge percent just quit. I should never have stuck it out. They didn't know what to do with me, so they fired me. By firing me, they were supposed to pay me unemployment. They were so cheap that they took me to Unemployment Court, but I eventually got unemployment. I had to go to a specialist at job service. He told me I could no longer work; my psychiatrist said the same thing. Because of this, I was put on disability (something I never would have thought of). There are many different situations that can bring on PTSD. When I am in the building where I worked (hospital), I feel sick and I can't get close to my department. When I tried eating while working, the food would get stuck in my throat. Sometimes, this still happens to me and I have to vomit. This situation also enhanced all of my other Psychological diagnoses.
@merpreb , I had the second MRI, and I forgot to tell my doctor about my claustrophobia, so when I checked in and told the MRI tech, she gave me a tiny dose of Xanax, which had no effect on me. But I was better prepared the second time and took extras of my own meds ahead of time, so I think that I was pretty relaxed. Along with my midday morphine sulfate I took Klonopin and a muscle relaxer. I knew that would lower my alertness, so my wife did the driving.
@jimhd– With all of your other meds that you took to relax I'm not surprised that you didn't feel thing with a tiny bit of Xanax. Did you mention the Xanax at all? Could you walk after all of that? lol? Well, you got through it and now have to wait for the results or do you have them as yet?
@merpreb I didn't really feel any effect from the extra meds. I had a phone call from the neurologist's office, not saying much, but I have an appointment with him soon to hear more details.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
version 18.104.22.168.1Page loaded in 1.951 seconds