Mayo Clinic Connect
@jeanie26 I am glad you posted your worries. You wrote about your triumphs over past events, and that is certainly something to be proud of. Perhaps you are doubting yourself for allowing the man to move into your house, as he came with your son. Can you change the locks on your house, would that give you a measure of comfort? Are you in a situation where neighbors or friends are nearby, if there is a reason to call for assistance in a hurry? Your life right now has been topsy-turvy, leaving your job, now having someone [your son] move in. Your world has shifted. Perhaps writing down your thoughts and concerns each day, like you have done here, will help you. Choose to address what you practically can.
We are here for you!
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My neighbors are not close enough to be of any help, The man does not have a house key,My son also moved out before I had a problem with his friend. My son came and ask him to leave so they are both gone now. I love having my home back to myself if it weren't for feeling so vulnerable right now. What I lack in physical strength I make up for in the ability to stay calm in emergency situations and to think on my feet. I carry my cell phone with me always and won't hesitate to call 911 if needed. My concern is that the initial crisis has past but I am being left with all the PTSD symptoms as though the threat were actually still there even though it is not. As I write this I have to ask myself what I have gained from posting on this site. My answer would be a lot. I feel so much better than I did before I posted last night. I think we all know that verbalizing a problem will often give it less power and lessens its importance and in turn we feel better. I actually feel I am once again on the road to recovery thanks to this site giving me a place to express myself. Once I feel secure with my recovery, I will want to post again with hopes of helping someone else. Thank you so much for replying to my post and for the opportunity to find awareness in my own situation. It's extremely important to me that I help others and this site is going to enable me to do that. Thank you again.& until then, have a blessed day. Jeanie
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@jeanie26 You do make a difference here, posting your own history and showing others that it can be a different outcome, when we seem to be stuck in a vicious cycle. I am pleased to read that posting here helped you feel better. I know for me, writing things down, and helping to get it "out of my system" lets me see the thought process, and lessens the negative power a situation may have over me. Come back and let us know how the next few days go for you.
Hi @jeanie26, I'm so glad that you shared your story with all of us here. It does help to share with others who "have been there" and who get it. I'm sorry that this new situation has caused you to be fearful again and to experience PTSD. I'm not a counselor, but part of me thinks your reaction IS your strength, not a weakness. Your intelligence and your entire body reaction helped you make the right decision 1) to ask the man to leave and 2) to get help from your son when the man returned and 3) to reach out to talk to someone like the members of this community.
It won't take you 20 years to get back to the place where you feel safe and to have control again. It may not even take 20 days. You know the path to get there and you will walk it again. There are fewer obstacles to overcome this time and we're beside you.
But, as others have suggested, you need to put things in place for your security and for potential setbacks which may happen at any time of day. In those times, it is good to have a list of numbers to call for any type of emergency or crisis, whether you are afraid for your safety or if you need to talk with someone.
To talk with a trained counselor:
The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET.
Or you can text NAMI to 741-741 https://www.crisistextline.org/
Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message
See this webpage by NAMI that lists a variety of help lines https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-HelpLine#crisis
Create a list on paper. Have the numbers in your phone for quick dial. Whatever works best for you.
Here's a list I might recommend:
– NAMI 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
– NAMI text
– Your son's contact info
– Your closest neighbor
– A friend
– National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
What other things would you like to have around you to help you regain your control and feel safe? What would you add to the list?
Liked by jeanie26, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
How brave to share your story. My thoughts are that we as women tend to be caretakers and want to help regardless of what's happened to us in the past. Then subconsciously we gravitate to people that are familiar alcoholics or abusers because that's what we know although that's not necessarily what we want. I agree with Ginger and change locks. You are observant in that you noticed familiar behavior that happened to trigger events from your past, recognized it, took measures to correct it and keep yourself safe. You are a conqueror!
Dear Jeannie: Been there, done what you are now experiencing and more then one time. It is a horror to experience this over and again in many ways. Getting professional help goes a long way but you are the one that must continue to work with this over and again just like you have been doing for all these many years.. Eventually it does work until the next time. I know because I have done this over and again and still continue to do so. It is like like a never ending horror story. Life goes on and the sun comes up so come to my garden and help me water the flowers. With love, Peach.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
Thank you Marjou, It's nice to have our efforts recognized. I think battered women stay in abusive relationships because it's familiar and as with me I didn't know any other life. I couldn't picture myself in any other scenario, it was the norm for me. It wasn't until I went to the shelter and felt safe for the first time that I was able to think outside the box. Love, safety, happiness was only something I saw on TV and we all know that's not real..But boy once I got started with my recovery there was no stopping me. I became my own best friend. I loved ME for the first time and I loved the feeling of conquering my demons. Success is not measured in time, but in effort. There IS life after abuse and I am living proof of that. After 40 years of abuse, I fought to find and keep that which is rightfully mine, a life full of love, safety and happiness. My goal now is to reach out to others and help them find their way home, to help them see there is another way of life. I am at the beginning of writing a book of my experiences and how I fixed my life. How I empowered myself to to think differently, and how they can do it too. With the help of God I overcame and I want others to know they can too. Thanks for your reply… Jeanie
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jim, Volunteer Mentor, marjou
Having a difficult day but writing to others of similar experiences and the acknowledgment of what we have done to move forward in our lives is also important. Thank you for your comments and encouragement.😃 Onward!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Thank you so much for these numbers. I am feeling at the top of my game again but from experience I know we can never be to careful. Having resources readily available is never a bad idea. I am pretty much in this alone. I live in the country and being very private I prefer not to be social with my neighbors,Everyone pretty much minds their own business. I've lived her for 19 years and have never met the folks down the road. My granddaughter and her family live about 15 minutes away but haven't even called to see if I was ok. so I can't really depend on them, my grandson lives in Va. about 45 minutes away and the same goes for him. My son lives about 20 miles away but he is suffering from mental health issues and has come a long way, I am so proud of him for following through with the program he is involved in. It would take him too long to get here and I don't want to do anything that would interfere with his recovery. I did call him to come make his friend leave and it bothered him alot. I have been alone in my recovery even years ago so I an not encouraged to involve anyone else. I feel totally in control now, I have no fear, and am again comfortable in my own home. But this has shown me that PTSD can raise it;s ugly head at any time. This was my first set back in over 20 years of recovery. I feel good about the way I handled it and I do intend to follow through with my Dr. at our appointment next week. This site has breathed fresh air into me when I needed it. I am still amazed at how much it has helped me. I will remember this experience for years to come. I think I just might hang around on here and see if I can be a part of helping someone else. I am home again.
Liked by Colleen Young, Connect Director, Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Parus ... see all
Oh Peach, I totally understand, This is my first set back since my recovery but I have learned a lot of this experience. I will never again take my recovery for granted. Recovery is ongoing with PTSD. and I have always known that but this validated everything I ever learned about PTSD. I am so sorry that you are experiencing these terrible feelings more often. Sometimes it helps me to get down right angry at this disorder, How dare it interfere in my life, I say, oh no you don't, I will not allow you to enter my thoughts and case me to feel uncomfortable. I say a prayer and I fight my way back from the depths hell. This will NOT defeat me. Thank you for your invitation to visit your garden, consider it a done deal. I know it's a beautiful place and I am honored to be there with you. thanks Jeanie
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jim, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Ginger, thank you for your reply, Yes this site is a God send for me. I feel I am back in control now and I am once again OK. I will be back, trust me I will, I have found a new home here and have already heard from some of the nicest people around. Yes writing thing out help me too, I love to write and I write a lot. But it helps to receive feedback too. I am glad I can make a difference and I think I am going to hang around and see if I can be of any help to anyone else. Thanks again.. Jeanie.
@peach414144 I am far better off without my 2 younger siblings who were so heavily influenced by our mother's lies. Same here, they chose to remain faithful to our deceased mother. Has set me free.
You have experienced some tremendous growth, @parus. You are a wonderful example to the Connect family of taking care of yourself and diligence in not allowing yourself to be a victim!
Liked by Parus, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
I thank you all for your understanding and help. We need each other and it is good you are there. Sincerely, Peach.
Liked by Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
I've been following your conversation here. PTSD is rough stuff. I remember asking my therapist when I'd be over this. When he said never, I did something I've only done a few times as an adult. I started crying. When I could talk again I told him that noone had ever told me that. I didn't want to hear it. But, in a way, it's true. We go through the long, hard process of recovery, and we're okay until a trigger clicks and shoots us down. I'm learning that with time we start recognizing the triggers and the coping skills kick in and we aren't totally derailed. I see that you've been doing this long enough to have what it takes to stand back up and kick back. You have joined the other survivors in the group and shown people like me who haven't gotten there yet that the trauma behind the PTSD will release its grip. Not as fast as we'd like, but it will happen. Thanks for the encouragement.
@hopeful33250 Aww shucks and thank you. You are always kind and encouraging. As @jimhd stated. PTSD is always there. I was working with a therapist for a while and found that I was bored. Not a good thing. Therapists are also a trigger and my goal was to try and work through thus. She believes I have. I know better. Truthfully, I received more help here at Connect. I do not trust therapists and doubtful I can ever overcome it being a trigger. So best thing to do is close the door and not go back to keep my integrity intact.
So, yes dear one, I have made progress. Also feels good to be honest. I do miss feasting at the cyber table more regularly. I see how many here have grown and it places a smile on my heart. ARGH, there I go getting "sappy" again. Hugs.
@jeanie26 Something I have learned is not to rely on family for support. I hear of such things. Mayhap this is why there is a place like Connect. I know the feeling of having that breath of fresh air. This is an amazing place. Thankful you found us.
I'm so glad that you posted again and that you shared how much Connect has benefited you, @parus. Being sappy is just fine with me😀
Liked by Parus, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor, sears
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