Anyone Else With PTSD?

Posted by Parus @parus, Jul 21, 2017

Curious

@jenniferhunter

@parus I understand where you are coming from. I had my own PTSD when I was facing my spine surgery and I had 2 years to worry about that before it happened. There were traumatic events in my past that were linked to the fear of pain and I had panic attacks every time I thought about surgery every morning for 4 months, then I started asking myself questions about where this fear had come from and why was I doing this to myself? I realized that we are not born with fear, and fear is learned in our experiences. I told myself that if fear was learned, then I could unlearn it, and I did. I realized that I had all the tools I needed to start confronting my fear. Fear sneaks up on you unconsciously, so get to know it and make friends with it so you can be at peace. It will still be there, but what is different is that you can control the fear instead of the fear controlling you and you can stop the automatic response. I had also compared the physical pain from whatever medical procedure I was feeling to a very painful experience before I came to Mayo where I had with a spinal injection that was the highest level of pain I had ever experienced, enough pain that I was uncontrollably shaking and couldn't stop for a long time and I was getting zapped with frequent stabbing electric shock pains that started with the injection and went on for a few weeks. I used to pass out from much less and I was well on my way to that, but after that procedure, I began using visualization of a beautiful place with deep slow breathing and imagined music I loved, and I was able to stop myself from passing out, a true victory. In comparison, I can tell myself that other issues are not as bad as that and it takes some power away from the apprehension. The pain from my spine surgery and the recovery afterward was not even close to the pain I had experienced from the spinal injection, and I could tolerate my surgical recovery without any pain medication. I had the prescriptions, but never took any. I was a little surprised by that because I had imagined it would be much worse, and that also speaks to how well I had defeated my fears. Fear increases pain a lot. I had been using music and breathing and learned to lower my blood pressure and I did that anytime I got nervous about surgery, so it was easy to use that as a method to remain calm and in control at a time when I really needed it. That's how I started confronting my fears, and later I added in artwork and doing sketches of my doctor which lead to something wonderful for me and that became my Mayo patient story. You can design your own emotional therapy with whatever creative outlet works for you…. maybe that's a walk outside in nature, a pet, music, crafts… humor. I hope that helps, and you are not alone. We are here for you.

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Absolutely wonderful advice. I am in the middle of the procedure for getting a CPAP with oxygen, and I'm afraid of what it is going to cost. I may make the decision not to use the CPAP and work very hard on losing weight. My husband and I both need to lose weight badly, and when I think about using that CPAP for the rest of my life, dieting doesn't seem so bad. I like your idea of imaging a lovely place (my favorite), music, petting my cat, whatever, when I have feelings of fear about the whole mess. I think my decision has been to give myself one year to lose weight before I start using a CPAP. No doubt I snore, but fortunately we have two bedrooms, side by side, and my husband can sleep in the other room (he snores a bit too). We're just a few feet apart, and we don't separate into our own rooms until after the news. It works well. There are generally solutions to any problem if you are willing to do it.

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@kimspr3

Hello again, Ketamine Fusion? I have heard of it. Does Pain Management give you the fusion? I have been depressed all my life, one thing after another. PTSD and all the insecurities that crippled me. Tried to work always fired because of the fear of Authority Figures, I would freeze and now pain that was given to me. Ketamine can treat depression? Wonder if being kinda house bound it would help me?

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Hi, @kimspr3 – here is a thread that's been ongoing for a few years now on ketamine treatment https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/ketamine.

Also, this Mayo Clinic article on ketamine treatment is written for medical professionals – not laypeople – but may be of interest to you https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/psychiatry-psychology/news/ketamine-exploring-continuation-phase-treatment-for-depression/mac-20430307

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Hi Lisa, thank you so much for the information. I defiantly will look at it.

Liked by Lisa Lucier

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I did have it.. still have some.. but I had EMDR by a qualified therapist.. it really worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! highly recommend. BUT,, you have to be ready to handle stressful memories… it will bring them up.. but …. it worked for me.

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Hello, I can't find a therapist who excepts Medicare and is good at what they do. Started therapy at the age of 15. At that time PTSD was never thought of. I have lots of experience in therapy but so far Psychologists in my experience who except Medicare after a while will tell me about their lives. I leave the office with nothing. I wish I could find someone who practices EMDR. Memories are so painful, what about things I've blocked? Something I tried to do at 15 and for the life of me I don't know why??? Scary.

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@kimspr3

Hello, I can't find a therapist who excepts Medicare and is good at what they do. Started therapy at the age of 15. At that time PTSD was never thought of. I have lots of experience in therapy but so far Psychologists in my experience who except Medicare after a while will tell me about their lives. I leave the office with nothing. I wish I could find someone who practices EMDR. Memories are so painful, what about things I've blocked? Something I tried to do at 15 and for the life of me I don't know why??? Scary.

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Hello kimpspr3 is there a possibility that you live where I live? Your problems are here in Ocala Florida and probably elsewhere. What kind of education is going on here in America. In my days (I am 82) We had many ways of learning in school. I hear that just to pass a student is the way to go today. Even though the student did not even try; and the teachers know this. T think there are forces at work to change our America as we know it and it is affecting everybody as you and I know it now. Perhaps I am overthinking? If so please pardon me. Now, back to you and the many others of us: Please, Some how hang in there. I do suffer from ptsd , bi-polar and other horrors. All I can offer now is to use your own powers of understanding yourself. Be kind and tender to yourself, spoil yourself. And then if you must, get hard on yourself and continue to try to find a human being that has gone to school and has actually studied. Perhaps an OLDER professional? With love and caring kindness and understanding. Peach

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Hello Peach, I live in NJ.
There are many parents who are not well-informed today and don't pass History, Social Studies, memories on to their children. My brother and I were very lucky that our parents had an interest in US news, world news, education. Teachers new their place, not passing on to their students their biases, no hate. It is a different world. News media????????? You are not overthinking, nothing to apologize for. I think you have an idea which way the country is going. Gov. works for us, not we for them. Dangerous to think in a group. Better a free thinker.

I think my father was bipolar. He could have been a wonderful and in a second be mean. He was put on Depakote. I don't remember if it helped. He was abused as a child including his brothers. He was very bright, great sense of humor. I was afraid of him. Crazy but I miss him so much, his guidance and just him. I forgive him but I don't forget.

Peach, your caring made me cry and it's OK. Finding a good therapist is very hard. This situations so complexed.

How are you? Do you have family near? My cousin lived in Stuart, Fla. My 1st cousin who was 10 years older than me passed away. He was everything to me, my protector. His wife never let anyone no he was sick. WHY????

Before I pass something has to be done about Adhesive Arachnoiditis. Too many are suffering and it could be avoided with education the Patient. Dr's who do spine surgery never say one word about A.A. The Pain. Hate to think about the statistics here and other countries. Bigger population every day.

Have a good evening. Your words helped me!

Hug

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@kimspr3

Hello Peach, I live in NJ.
There are many parents who are not well-informed today and don't pass History, Social Studies, memories on to their children. My brother and I were very lucky that our parents had an interest in US news, world news, education. Teachers new their place, not passing on to their students their biases, no hate. It is a different world. News media????????? You are not overthinking, nothing to apologize for. I think you have an idea which way the country is going. Gov. works for us, not we for them. Dangerous to think in a group. Better a free thinker.

I think my father was bipolar. He could have been a wonderful and in a second be mean. He was put on Depakote. I don't remember if it helped. He was abused as a child including his brothers. He was very bright, great sense of humor. I was afraid of him. Crazy but I miss him so much, his guidance and just him. I forgive him but I don't forget.

Peach, your caring made me cry and it's OK. Finding a good therapist is very hard. This situations so complexed.

How are you? Do you have family near? My cousin lived in Stuart, Fla. My 1st cousin who was 10 years older than me passed away. He was everything to me, my protector. His wife never let anyone no he was sick. WHY????

Before I pass something has to be done about Adhesive Arachnoiditis. Too many are suffering and it could be avoided with education the Patient. Dr's who do spine surgery never say one word about A.A. The Pain. Hate to think about the statistics here and other countries. Bigger population every day.

Have a good evening. Your words helped me!

Hug

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Dear Kimpster Barbara is here. You are in a very hard and sad place. We and others needed the love we really never got. I made my own special world at night when I put myself in a "play". I would imagine many different scean's where I was loved by a mom or a dad, or both. By doing this it did help somewhat and no one could take it from me because it was in my mind AND MY MIND ONLY. I kept this up even until today. Some how it did help. Not 100 percent but it does help. Without this I do not know where I would be. I am serious about this. Try it and after a while of doing this let me know if it helps, even a little bit. Love to you and all the others. Peach (Everyone needs to be loved and needed.)

Liked by Jennifer Hunter

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@peach414144

Dear Kimpster Barbara is here. You are in a very hard and sad place. We and others needed the love we really never got. I made my own special world at night when I put myself in a "play". I would imagine many different scean's where I was loved by a mom or a dad, or both. By doing this it did help somewhat and no one could take it from me because it was in my mind AND MY MIND ONLY. I kept this up even until today. Some how it did help. Not 100 percent but it does help. Without this I do not know where I would be. I am serious about this. Try it and after a while of doing this let me know if it helps, even a little bit. Love to you and all the others. Peach (Everyone needs to be loved and needed.)

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A reply to myself! My parents and sisters: When they beat me (many,many many times) they felt so good. so superior . I do not think it healed them. Instead it made them inferior monsters. And to this day, many, many years now they are still the monsters they made themselves to be. Other peple see them for what they are but: They think they are superior and this is the way things should be. They will never change, They are the inferior beings they made themselves to be. You know the difference and do not copy them FOR YOU ARE THE ANGEL. Love, love, love Peach

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Hi Peach, Hi Barbra, Do you have Grandchildren? If yes do you see them? You have bundles of love to share!!

I can't think of my mother. Why did my brother have to die and not his wife??????????? When he died I remember driving home screaming, DAVId, DAVID. I went to my sis-in-laws house. I remember she didn't care what she said infront of my mother and I she was so mean!!! My brother was DEAD so she could!!! Not afraid to speak up anymore wish I could have another chance!!! I need it. She is the key as to why I lost my Niece and Nephews. Their spouses HATE ME, I was the mentally ill, black sheep. My great nieces and nephews will only know me is to hate me. Funny, I was told one of their daughters looks just like. Karma! ABUSE, ABUSE ABUSE. sister-in-law, retired teacher, but dumb, only interest, Shopping, gossiping. She called my mother "hey you" I was so, so shy to speak up than. Now I wish I had the chance. Brother was never home traveling for business. We got the brunt of her! Daughter doesn't want to hear anything about her. I want share with her so badly how her cruel, mean and how she turned the kids agains my family. I don't speak with her anymore she is too toxic for me. I become so depressed. I can't. She has stage 1 Triple Neg. great cancer. It's Very Rare. I don't know how she is? She said life span is usually 5 years. She said it's stage 1, Hope she's OK. It's not Hereditary but I still have gilt cause everything I touch turns to s—. After my divorce lived with my mother, worse thing I could have done but it was hard getting child support. She thought my daughter was her daughter! My mother once said to me infant of my daughter, "we don't need you here" I had to go to the ER many times because I could not sit still, thought I was going crazy. Happy that feeling is gone now. I will never forgive my husband for not taking a few days off from work to go to her home after my brother died. I thought it was the right thing to do, I was wrong. I need to go to my House of Worship. Maybe soon. Thank For letting me vent. Please, I'm a good listener.

Liked by Parus

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@peach414144

A reply to myself! My parents and sisters: When they beat me (many,many many times) they felt so good. so superior . I do not think it healed them. Instead it made them inferior monsters. And to this day, many, many years now they are still the monsters they made themselves to be. Other peple see them for what they are but: They think they are superior and this is the way things should be. They will never change, They are the inferior beings they made themselves to be. You know the difference and do not copy them FOR YOU ARE THE ANGEL. Love, love, love Peach

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They are inferior. I see the same with mine. My mother family hated her. Just think, we see the beauty in so may things, they can not! They wear blinders like a horse. I see trees, wildlife, flowers, domestic pets, people like you and others here. I belong to "Save the Bears" NJ, hunting them, depleting them. We want to help them. They used to come to our property, did nothing, than left. So much natural beauty is a gift to me. I held a baby bear once. OMG!!!

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I have had PTSD for many years now, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused for 40 years, beginning with my father. I was also raped at 17 years old while my new born baby slept just feet away. I looked for love in all the wrong places trying to replace the love I never got from my father. When I was growing up I was not allowed to cry, no matter what the reason, I was the oldest of 4 and when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I took on the roll of caretaker for my mother and my younger sisters and brother. When my mother died at 33 years of age, I didn't cry, I buried the pain and the tears in order to stay strong for my siblings. I was 16 at the time. My life was already in shambles so over the next 30 some years abuse became the norm for me.I was married 4 times and involved with 3 other men. I spent my life in fear, compromise and total ignorance of what a normal life really was.I would see couples walking holding hands and smiling at each other and wondered how they could be so happy, I envied them, I would watch tv and see a pregnant woman, her husband listening to the baby by putting his ear on her belly, or see other people paying her a lot of loving attention, it would make me so sad because with 3 pregnancies and 2 live births I never had any of those things. I would watch this foreign behavior and wonder why, why did some women have all this love yet others had non. Was it something I had done wrong? if so what did I do? My father used to tell me I was never wanted and I should just shoot myself in the head and do the world a big favor. it was times like these I wondered why he would say those things, maybe he was right, I mean my life sure wasn't the loving, caring life I had seen people on tv have. There was a time I was bitter, full of hate and anger. I spent 30 days in a shelter for battered women. Once I could pull myself out of the corner I was faced with a new feeling, one I had never felt before. As I pondered what this new feeling was, I noticed the other women in the shelter, they were smiling, walking freely around the house, chasing their kids and talking among themselves, I wanted to join them but didn't really know how, I caught myself smiling too, suddenly I realized I wasn't fearful, I felt safe, for the first time in my life I actually felt safe. What a wonderful feeling. OMG, I couldn't believe what I was feeling, it was a good feeling and I wanted more of it. Throughout the next 30 days, each day brought a new feeling, I felt myself grow stronger, more determined, A feeling of freedom and a sense of,I think I might even make it now. wow, who was this new person I had become? It was during those 30 days that I developed the mindset that I would not allow myself to be abused anymore, this was it, it stops here and now. I now recognized myself as a valuable person, I was smart, energetic, and at 42 years old I felt young and vibrant. I finished nursing school and joined the Navy. By this time I had 4 grandchildren and I planned to be around to see them grown. I will find happiness, I will lead my own life, I will be free to make my own decisions, right or wrong I will learn what life is all about. Going to that shelter was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I walked in a battered, broken woman but I walked out a new person determined to be my own woman. I wasn't easy, it has been a hard journey, I have fallen more times than I care to mention but I have always gotten back up. PTSD is a life long illness but I am living proof that there IS life after abuse. Never, ever give in to PTSD, grow strong by finding something meaningful to focus on. Keep your spirits up, realize you will have bad days and good days. Don't let the bad days outshine the good. I am happy to say, not only have I seen my grandchildren grown but I have 7 great grandchildren, they are my joy. I still to this day have my moments but I owe my life to that shelter, What I learned there was remarkable, Sorry for such a long post, I really did try to keep it short. But I hope my story helps someone. There's so much more to my story as I am sure there is to yours. Mine is a happy ending and I pray that yours is too..Thanks for taking the time to read this… God Bless..

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For those of us with PTSD there are those rough and angry times. I realize the pain some are in because of past abuse. Venting can be cathartic at times.

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@jeanie26

I have had PTSD for many years now, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused for 40 years, beginning with my father. I was also raped at 17 years old while my new born baby slept just feet away. I looked for love in all the wrong places trying to replace the love I never got from my father. When I was growing up I was not allowed to cry, no matter what the reason, I was the oldest of 4 and when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I took on the roll of caretaker for my mother and my younger sisters and brother. When my mother died at 33 years of age, I didn't cry, I buried the pain and the tears in order to stay strong for my siblings. I was 16 at the time. My life was already in shambles so over the next 30 some years abuse became the norm for me.I was married 4 times and involved with 3 other men. I spent my life in fear, compromise and total ignorance of what a normal life really was.I would see couples walking holding hands and smiling at each other and wondered how they could be so happy, I envied them, I would watch tv and see a pregnant woman, her husband listening to the baby by putting his ear on her belly, or see other people paying her a lot of loving attention, it would make me so sad because with 3 pregnancies and 2 live births I never had any of those things. I would watch this foreign behavior and wonder why, why did some women have all this love yet others had non. Was it something I had done wrong? if so what did I do? My father used to tell me I was never wanted and I should just shoot myself in the head and do the world a big favor. it was times like these I wondered why he would say those things, maybe he was right, I mean my life sure wasn't the loving, caring life I had seen people on tv have. There was a time I was bitter, full of hate and anger. I spent 30 days in a shelter for battered women. Once I could pull myself out of the corner I was faced with a new feeling, one I had never felt before. As I pondered what this new feeling was, I noticed the other women in the shelter, they were smiling, walking freely around the house, chasing their kids and talking among themselves, I wanted to join them but didn't really know how, I caught myself smiling too, suddenly I realized I wasn't fearful, I felt safe, for the first time in my life I actually felt safe. What a wonderful feeling. OMG, I couldn't believe what I was feeling, it was a good feeling and I wanted more of it. Throughout the next 30 days, each day brought a new feeling, I felt myself grow stronger, more determined, A feeling of freedom and a sense of,I think I might even make it now. wow, who was this new person I had become? It was during those 30 days that I developed the mindset that I would not allow myself to be abused anymore, this was it, it stops here and now. I now recognized myself as a valuable person, I was smart, energetic, and at 42 years old I felt young and vibrant. I finished nursing school and joined the Navy. By this time I had 4 grandchildren and I planned to be around to see them grown. I will find happiness, I will lead my own life, I will be free to make my own decisions, right or wrong I will learn what life is all about. Going to that shelter was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I walked in a battered, broken woman but I walked out a new person determined to be my own woman. I wasn't easy, it has been a hard journey, I have fallen more times than I care to mention but I have always gotten back up. PTSD is a life long illness but I am living proof that there IS life after abuse. Never, ever give in to PTSD, grow strong by finding something meaningful to focus on. Keep your spirits up, realize you will have bad days and good days. Don't let the bad days outshine the good. I am happy to say, not only have I seen my grandchildren grown but I have 7 great grandchildren, they are my joy. I still to this day have my moments but I owe my life to that shelter, What I learned there was remarkable, Sorry for such a long post, I really did try to keep it short. But I hope my story helps someone. There's so much more to my story as I am sure there is to yours. Mine is a happy ending and I pray that yours is too..Thanks for taking the time to read this… God Bless..

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@jeanie26 Thank you for sharing with us! I bet as you reread what you posted, those feelings of accomplishment came back. You have made each day count, and used your past history as a stepping stone to better things. Good for you, and glad to hear your story!
Ginger

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@jeanie26

I have had PTSD for many years now, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused for 40 years, beginning with my father. I was also raped at 17 years old while my new born baby slept just feet away. I looked for love in all the wrong places trying to replace the love I never got from my father. When I was growing up I was not allowed to cry, no matter what the reason, I was the oldest of 4 and when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I took on the roll of caretaker for my mother and my younger sisters and brother. When my mother died at 33 years of age, I didn't cry, I buried the pain and the tears in order to stay strong for my siblings. I was 16 at the time. My life was already in shambles so over the next 30 some years abuse became the norm for me.I was married 4 times and involved with 3 other men. I spent my life in fear, compromise and total ignorance of what a normal life really was.I would see couples walking holding hands and smiling at each other and wondered how they could be so happy, I envied them, I would watch tv and see a pregnant woman, her husband listening to the baby by putting his ear on her belly, or see other people paying her a lot of loving attention, it would make me so sad because with 3 pregnancies and 2 live births I never had any of those things. I would watch this foreign behavior and wonder why, why did some women have all this love yet others had non. Was it something I had done wrong? if so what did I do? My father used to tell me I was never wanted and I should just shoot myself in the head and do the world a big favor. it was times like these I wondered why he would say those things, maybe he was right, I mean my life sure wasn't the loving, caring life I had seen people on tv have. There was a time I was bitter, full of hate and anger. I spent 30 days in a shelter for battered women. Once I could pull myself out of the corner I was faced with a new feeling, one I had never felt before. As I pondered what this new feeling was, I noticed the other women in the shelter, they were smiling, walking freely around the house, chasing their kids and talking among themselves, I wanted to join them but didn't really know how, I caught myself smiling too, suddenly I realized I wasn't fearful, I felt safe, for the first time in my life I actually felt safe. What a wonderful feeling. OMG, I couldn't believe what I was feeling, it was a good feeling and I wanted more of it. Throughout the next 30 days, each day brought a new feeling, I felt myself grow stronger, more determined, A feeling of freedom and a sense of,I think I might even make it now. wow, who was this new person I had become? It was during those 30 days that I developed the mindset that I would not allow myself to be abused anymore, this was it, it stops here and now. I now recognized myself as a valuable person, I was smart, energetic, and at 42 years old I felt young and vibrant. I finished nursing school and joined the Navy. By this time I had 4 grandchildren and I planned to be around to see them grown. I will find happiness, I will lead my own life, I will be free to make my own decisions, right or wrong I will learn what life is all about. Going to that shelter was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I walked in a battered, broken woman but I walked out a new person determined to be my own woman. I wasn't easy, it has been a hard journey, I have fallen more times than I care to mention but I have always gotten back up. PTSD is a life long illness but I am living proof that there IS life after abuse. Never, ever give in to PTSD, grow strong by finding something meaningful to focus on. Keep your spirits up, realize you will have bad days and good days. Don't let the bad days outshine the good. I am happy to say, not only have I seen my grandchildren grown but I have 7 great grandchildren, they are my joy. I still to this day have my moments but I owe my life to that shelter, What I learned there was remarkable, Sorry for such a long post, I really did try to keep it short. But I hope my story helps someone. There's so much more to my story as I am sure there is to yours. Mine is a happy ending and I pray that yours is too..Thanks for taking the time to read this… God Bless..

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@jeanie26 Bless you for sharing your story. It gave me goosebumps to read this about how you overcame and blossomed into a strong compassionate person, healer, and care giver. There is EMDR therapy to treat PTSD and I have done some of that myself a long time ago. I was never safe when I was growing up and was bullied, and had some traumatic experiences, and all of that came to the forefront for me when I had to face my fears about major surgery. I had learned to fear pain and the threat of being hurt and overcoming this was a huge victory in my life, so I celebrate with you in finding our inner voices and healing ourselves. Thanks for sharing.

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