Mayo Clinic Connect
Oh Gosh! I thought I was the only person that felt at ease and preferred to animals and nature over people. I grew up in a small rural town where they were no children to play with. I can't recall if I was lonely or not – there was PTSD over growing up in that household so I learned never to trust people. Here I am – 72 years old and all I enjoy doing is sitting in my recliner and watching tv — all day long -= even if the movies are repeats. I have no friends and haven't had any for years — but I honestly don't miss having them. I prefer my life even though it's blah, blah, blah. Is there something terrible wrong with me? I'm totally uncomfortable in social situations, which is practically non-existent. A total recluse — but what must sound strange is that I prefer it to being in a group of people. Am I a weirdo??
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@1mountaingirl86– I'm glad that you have written back. I think that all of us feel that no one has feelings like we do. It's just the opposite. And part of PTSD is curling into ourselves. Hiding from the pain that dumped on us. When I was in the worst of PTSD I did just what you did, watching a lot of movies. I tried extremely hard to hide the pain that I was feeling, the rejection and also the amount of lung cancers that I had had. I felt alone, although I'm married to a wonderful, caring man. I isolated myself. But there came a time when I was sick of myself and knew that if I was unhappy and in self isolation than I needed to face my "demons". All I can say, honestly is that it is a process. And it's very very hard. You mentioned in a previous post that you took risks. May I ask what they are?
I don't think that there is anything weird or terribly wrong with you at all, not at all. I do think though that even if you prefer being alone all the time that it is also not the most ideal way to handle your pain. And I think that is what you are asking here.
I am so so sorry that were both physically and emotionally abused. For so so many years I didn't think that I was worth much. I was literally paralyzed into not doing well as that was what I was taught. I can't imagine the pain and feelings of being physically abused at a very young age but I was date raped at 19. Where do you want to go from here?
Here's another group that you might want to look at: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/inability-to-live-a-normal-life/
Liked by Colleen Young, Connect Director, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor, peggyella
I agree with everything you said. 11 years of sexual, emotional and verbal abuse almost destroyed me. Alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, and after I surrendered all of that and changed, I still wouldn’t face my “Demons.” It made me very sick from the time I was 18 on. It wasn’t until I landed in the hospital with the eating disorder that I was told I needed to deal with my past pain… and my father. It terrified me. But with God, I did it. And as you said, it was a very very long process and very very painful. But it was so worth it. The PTSD and all of it conditions were bad enough but I developed dozens of other diseases as well. Because I took so many years to deal with it, I believe that my chemistry changed and set me up for disease… Mostly neurological. Facing our demons is challenging but the only way to full recovery. Isolation was my worst enemy. Today, I reach out to help people in need almost every day. It brings me out of myself and helps me not focus the chronic physical pain. Thank you so much for sharing. 💖💐
Dear Peggyella: Hello there one of my fellow sufferers. You will make it because you are trying. To me it seems to never go away completely. Time does help. I grew up from infancy with mistreatmemt, starvation, never ever was told I was loved, never given a kiss but instead I was told how ugly I was, how stupid crazy and insane. Belittled at home and the worst, in public. So many different and ugly ways. And also beaten, many, many, many times. I am sure there are many others of us who have been treated even worse than I. Now, going on age 82 time has helped. Of course I have realized this many years age. It slowly gets better each year. There are many triggers that bring the old suffering to the surface again. Over and over. But, as I have said before, you are trying and anytime you can help a person, an animal, a plant do this. You are helping yourself as well as the other and this makes you loved by many, many others. With love, Peach .
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, peggyella
Hello, Peach. You’re so sweet. Thank you for your encouragement. I won’t ever be 100% over it. Life isn’t easy. No child, or even an adult, can be abused and completely whole… maybe 99% until we’re with our Lord where there’s no more suffering. But at least I’m 90% better emotionally than I used to be. It’s been a long journ’ey to healing from my past. Sometimes it feels like my life has lasted too long. But I find joy every day. That’s not just a cliche, I really do. My physical pain isn’t so much fun, but as long as I wake up with breath in my lungs, I’ll stay on this journey and reach out to others with all that’s within me. God bless you, sweet lady. Love, Peggy 🙏💖
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor
@peach414144, @peggyella– Good morning. You both have braved through terrible abuse and I am amazed at the strength that you both have shared. I agree, by the way, that parts of our history never leaves us. I will always, always look for approval and love to replace my neediness from childhood. I want to know so much and research constantly so that I wont be thought of as stupid. The awful weight that is dumped on all of us is abominable.
As adults we react to our memories of these unnecessary abuses and react to them differently as we did when we were actually in them. But the memories can still cut us to the quick. My being a volunteer mentor on Connect has helped me beyond measurement. Reaching out to extend a hand, a shoulder are miracle "drugs" for those giving and those receiving. Thank you. You also bring up excellent points, that emotions can cause irreparable harm to our bodies, reduce our immune systems and almost cripple us. But we can all persevere. Thank you for sharing your incredible hope. I is a gift for everyone!
Liked by Ginger, Volunteer Mentor, peggyella
Dear Peggyella. Yes, I still call out looking for acceptance, love, caring in any which way. I do agree with you I do this to the extent that it embarrasses me. I try so hard to turn it off but it is very, very hard because, as I think that my bi-polar problem is part of it. Still, we must continue to love ourselves and help others. Thank you Peach.
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, peggyella
Dear Peach, may I encourage you to not keep trying to turn off that passion I see in you that allows you the blessing of reaching out to find love and acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with it. In my personal opinion… and I hope I’m not overstepping a boundary, it’s not the bipolar, it’s the rejection and lack of love we felt as a child that causes us to be perhaps more needy than the average person. That, and mostly insecurity and low self-esteem that came with the territory. What’s “the average person” anyway? As far as I’ve witnessed in my life, most everyone is messed up from something. So we fit right in! LOL. ‘Embarrassment’ is a feeling, and I never tell anyone their feeling is right or wrong… it’s just your feeling. But I do wish you weren’t embarrassed about reaching out. We all need to feel loved and cared about and to feel accepted. It’s the way God wired us.
Just because we were damaged, doesn’t mean we’re “damaged goods.” There’s really nothing wrong with us. It would be more strange if we went through the trauma and were NOT depressed or hurt.
Thank goodness, the chemical depression is not giving me problems as long as I stay on the right antidepressant. The anxiety isn’t as bad as it was. I’ve learned to “let go and let God,” so I don’t worry about things for the most part.
One of the women I sponsor went from the Salvation Army by ambulance to ER last week due to severe pain from her recent spinal surgery. She was discharged but then went off the radar for three days. I care about her so of course I worried. My first instinct after two days of phone calls was to start searching for her. I got in my car with an enlarged photo of her and planned to go downtown to search for her, but I prayed more about it and decided to give it to God instead.
The next day I got a phone call from her and she was safe. The hospital had realized she was so depressed over the death of her husband whom she had nursed for three years with bone cancer before he died that they had transferred her to another hospital for a few more days of rest. So I’m glad I didn’t follow my impulse. I spent the day with her today and avoided a panic attack.
It’s taken a long time, but I’m learning to control my OCD. I don’t do it perfectly or all the time, but it helps me avoid a lot of burn out and stress.
Keep reaching out and know that you are loved by God and by us. You have friends here… people like Merry @merpreb and others who care about you. As Merry shared above, volunteering and giving my time to help others less fortunate helps me, as well. We do it first for them, but it helps us. When we help someone else, our body releases endorphins that actually allow us to feel joy. I do a lot of mentoring from my home. I can be laying down on a heating pad and make a phone call to someone who needs encouragement. You do it just by connecting with us.
God bless you, my friend. Love, Peggy 💕
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, ainsleigh
Good morning, Merry. Please forgive me if your notifications sound wakes you at this hour of the morning…DING. I fell asleep early before this post was finished and woke up at 1 a.m. My insomnia is just crazy, so my day has begun! Here’s what I wrote to you yesterday:
Good evening, Merry. I want you to know that you’re very much appreciated and loved. Your heart for others shines through your thoughtful and sincere words of compassion and love for others who also suffer like you. Being a moderator for this group is an enormous responsibility and very time-consuming and I’d like to personally thank you for all you do. I think you’re awesome!
Because I spend at least three days a week with the homeless and sponsor a few women that I see one-on-one every week, my life is very busy. What they don’t realize is that when I get home, I have to lie down immediately to relieve the physical pain. Of course, my husband is a priority and spending quality time with him is extremely important to me. Above all, my love of God, who loved me first, is my life and the foundation for all I do. I wouldn’t have survived all I have if he hadn’t been with me through it all.
I’m quite involved in my home church and am there at least a couple of times a week. Spending time with them and surrounding myself with other loving people who many themselves are or have been broken is crucial to me. I found that it’s excellent to have others we are accountable to. Sometimes all someone needs is a hug. It’s family. Many of them, including the homeless, attend my church and accept me, with all my faults, just as I am more than my family of origin. We can choose our own family. It fills the need for my parents and some of my siblings rejection of me. My “chosen family” love me with all my weirdness.
I discovered a long time ago that the “hole” in me could not be filled with anything or anyone but God. I tried to fill it with everything the world offers until I realized it was only him. So I quit being a people pleaser. No person can fill all my needs… not even my dear husband or incredibly loving daughter. Some people love me and some people don’t but I don’t need their approval. There is only one whom I care about pleasing.
Thanks for confirming that PTSD can have such negative effects on our physical body. I’ve shared previously that by refusing to deal with the abuse for so many years, I developed over 30 diseases. I can be doing really well handling conflict and issues when all of a sudden something triggers pains from the past… Father’s Day, his birthday, my daughter’s wedding, the birth of my grand-daughter when my ex-husband threatened that my parents “better not show up at the hospital or I’ll be in your dad’s face,” a movie or show where the father and daughter dance together. Thank goodness, the triggers aren’t every day; but when they come up, I deal with my “Demons” again, but I never give up and it’s become easier each time. I won’t let the past and bad choices of others who hurt me destroy my life. That would only hurt me.
I learned that holding in bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It would only kill me. So I forgive them and go on with my life.
May I ask something of you? Please save my post and when you have a bad day, read the second paragraph again. I mean what I said about you.
Once again, thank you for being there for us.
@peggyella– Morning Peggy. You caught me by surprise with your praise and love! Thank you. As an adult, in my 70's, I don't have the deep need to be loved every moment as I did growing up. Especially on Connect! But it is always there, hidden in the shadows, waiting to pounce. Being a part of the Connect family has helped me pull the shades up to a wonderful world. Although it makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, it's worth every uncomfortable minute. On Connect I also feel safe at the same time. Does this make sense?
You are one of a very small group of extremely giving people. I am amazed and I'm not surprised that you need to collapse when you get home. Thank you for helping so many people. Where would the world be without you?
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator
Dear Peggyella: Your post is so very uplifting. Your words are comforting and so right. It shows that you walked the shoes of many of us. Understanding, yes you are very understanding. It is very healing for me to know somebody else understands the suffering of myself and the many others as well. Thank you Peach
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
Dear Peggyella I thank you for being here with us and your kind and understanding words. God bless you Peach
I do. My husband collapsed at his school on the floor, cracked his head
Open and his heart stopped.the bad thing was that he had a widowmaker’s heart attack. I was there on the floor with him. I will never forget it and I will always worry about him. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD.
Do you think a spouse having an affair can cause PTSD?
It’s not just the affair it’s basically eight years of lies and deceit that I feel has caused me PTSD.
It’s been about three or four years since we have been working through this and I still have triggers that bring me back. I have been working with a therapist in healing myself and I am making progress.
I am still married and I feel very disconnected from my spouse. I have turned my marriage over to God and gave up my control.
Can a person who has or is suffering from PTSD and is actively with the person who inflicted the traum get passed it when that person isn’t taking responsibility or trying to help you get through any of the attachment wounds caused???
I surely am not alone.
I am a 100% Combat Disabled Military Veteran with 50% disability resulting from severe stress of my 249 combat missions on fixed wing Gunships in Viet Nam. I have worked with VA Counselors to assist me with acceptance and understanding the causes and cures of PTSD, I find the most useful assistance is training people around me as to the cause and effects of PTSD
The abused family members have it harder to deal with heir PTSD that the veterans because they do not have the support structure that we as veterans have. I therefore ask that we all try to understand their plight.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@anndomico– I can't imagine how difficult this was for you. I am so so sorry for your loss. Was this recent? How are you doing? Do you have family nearby?
I'd like to show you a group that you might be interested in: loss and grief https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-and-grief-how-are-you-doing/?pg=35#comment-113591
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