Mayo Clinic Connect
Hello I am getting ready to call it a night. Just been catching up on my groups. I went to my Doctor today. gonna stay on my Cymbalta at the lower dose. Not ready to experience my mind going crazy again. But I am going to start back on my Buspar for anxiety first. There is a shortage of Buspar right now. Thanks for everything you do for others I hope you are doing ok Have a great morning!
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Good morning Cat- How are you doing?
@parus– PTSD is an awful disease. It's crippling and confusing. I'm not sure though what you mean by "I realize there is really no help out there" for childhood PTSD.
I'm joining ginger to make a group hug, then taking you out for a walk.
@merpreb Thank you for letting me know I am a disease.
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@parus– Anytime lol- Oh, did I say that? PTSD is a disease but that doesn't mean that you are. You have arthritis, which is a disease, do you define yourself as arthritis? Are you feeling better today?
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@merpreb Thank you for the update. I thought the D meant disorder. It just keeps getting worse. I know of no one that EMDR has helped. I tried it in 2010 and the trained therapist fell asleep. Just in one those whirlwinds. Stuffing it doesn’t help. Talk therapy has made it worse. Then I am told I don’t want to get better. Maybe I don’t on some level. I even
had a VNS and I still have flashbacks of that awful experience. Striving to overcome through denial. By now most would be boo-hooing in some shrink’s office. Most of the time I do okay enough. I don’t have a support system. Truth is I don’t play well with others as I can no longer be supportive of the needy.
Beyond grouchy and I know it. Not sure what triggered this and not important. Weary of looking for reasons. So angry I could spit but that would not be ladylike and the venom may contaminate the world. Still some humor left in good old parus.
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I so admire your persistence, @parus, as well as your ability to articulate your feelings.
Know that you are admired and appreciated👍
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@parus– D does mean a disorder, sorry. Parus I'm sorry that your PTSD has gotten worse. You need to try another therapiist. You can't just give up on therapy. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Treatment of PTSD? check this out >https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/about/pac-20384610.
We are your support system- you are so lucky. You found us and we are your new family and support. A lot of people haven't found Mayo Connect and are really really alone.
Talk and behavioral therapy can show you how to deal with these flareups. if you allow yourself to feel worse while dealing with your history, it will lessen it's importance in your present day life. I know it gets tiring, boring, threatening, scary.
I was very angry when I started therapy, this last time and stayed that way with the therapist for a long time and suddenly I realized that she had given me the tools and knowledge to gain power over things that I hadn't. For instance: After my mother died I had all of her sculptures all over the house. Every room was "MOM". And my big issues were with her and her emotional abuse. So every time I was home all I saw was "her." I finally packaged all but a good couple of pieces and my resentment and anger began to fade. I can now look back with a calmer sense of remembrance.
I also think that it's important to find out what triggers your PTSD. It's important because you can control the triggers if you let yourself. You really have to want it. You can do it! Because if you don't it will continue to get worse. Time to let go of feeling like crap, of letting yourself feel like crap. No matter who said or did something to you in the past should not be allowed to still have it.
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@merpreb CBT is what I am currently doing in therapy. Of course it is a woman which is difficult. I have been stuck for a long time. I keep my cool while there as my experience has A melt down with a therapist gives them to much satisfaction and power. This is a high for them. We both know it is going nowhere why she has suggested EMDR with another therapist there. I have an appointment with the regular therapist to discuss the EMDR on Thursday. What I really want to do is cancel the appointment and stop trying. No tears or anger with a therapist or end up on a locked unit given who knows what this time around.
Sorry when it comes to therapy my defenses go up. I know what other therapists have done is past and I will not allow another one to do the same.
My mother is dead and I have sisters that now say how wise she was with her words
“Forget the bad, remember the good”. They knew a mother I did not have. That little girl did not deserve her rage.
Yes, the therapist knows this. I have gotten rid of everything tangible that
reminds me of her.
Honor thy father and mother.
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Your feelings are understandable, @parus. You have made remarkable progress. Follow your heart and keep trying.
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I hear you @parus. My younger sister doesn't remember the mother I had either. Maybe I would have been a sweetheart like her if I knew how my mother was with her.?
I can really understand your feelings about therapy and appreciate your honesty. It must be very difficult to get out of the house and go.
Try and hang in and just know that I am here and so are all of your friends when you need us. And as Teresa says, keep trying. Take care, follow what is best for you
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Thanks for asking about me. tonight I ask for prayers for my Adult children. I will miss them till I die. Prayers for me I had a very rough day. I love the support on this site. Thanks again Goodnight
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@merpreb I am a “when in doubt do nothing” type. My worst fear is becoming a vicious, cruel person. I am lost in a technological world where appointments are computer generated. Show up 3 days early for the bloodwork of a standing order and it is not there. Fearful of going again because I did not know the orders were generated by a computer. Just cannot bring myself to make the drive again only for it to not be there because “I” failed the system again. Stupidity and ignorance are not acceptable. I don’t mind waiting but when there are 2 tv’s, network music, cellphones, combination of colognes and assorted body odors… I don’t know how others do it. No amount of planning can prepare me for this.
@parus– I think that a lot of technology has failed a lot of us. It takes up way too much time. When I go to have blood work done I ask for a hard copy and then call ahead it I don't have it. If I have to chase the doctor around then I will instead of driving around.
@cat– I hope that you slept well. Today is a new day. Get out and do something for yourself!
@merpreb I no longer have this kind of strength. No need kicking anyone else’s suggestions in the teeth. I know trying to go back to work even part time is not an option. All I can do to get through a day at times. Seems all I can see are all the failures. I can still make a pot of awesome chicken lentil soup. I will focus my sights on a millefueur tapestry and keep breathing. When I can offer some positive input I will.
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My Dr always gives me a hard copy of the orders, even though he submits them online. He told me he was tired of the lab not finding an entry in the system, it was easier to print a copy as he decided on a test. I appreciate his foresight to do this. On Monday, I had two tests done and ohmigosh!, exactly like you said @parus. The number of people, the cell phones ringing, the complaining, and not to mention the two young men who decided to have a conversation where every other word was the F-bomb. Seriously, I don't think they know how to put a sentence together in plain English! I wish there was some way to pull the blood myself and take it into the lab.
You hang in there, please, and know that we are here for you!
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