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I felt so bad reading your post. I am praying for you. I understand about major depression and not wanting to leave the house. We care!
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Thanks for caring @karen00 I was hoping that others would respond too. I believe prayers will surely help me figure out me. I am not sure how to feel? I am on the journey to recover. I hope that I will get out of this deep hole soon thanks again
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, peggyella
ReI don’t think you need to know how to feel-just go with the flow. You do sound like you are recovering and climbing out of the hole. Continuing with the prayers I believe is a good thing. You will make it- you are strong. Remember, Connect cares.
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor
@catcatanzaro60– Good Morning Cat. I have been following your story. I don't know if I could have made it as far as you have. This shows a lot of strength. How has your life changed since you made changes within your family?
I'd like to introduce you to another group. It's called Depression and Anxiety: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/depression-anxiety/
We are a fantastic group of helpful, empathetic loving people. @parus and @karen00 are in it and are very helpful with plenty of experience.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Becky, Volunteer Mentor
@merpreb Lots of experience eh? It was that gaining of the experience that was Hades at time. @catcatanzaro60 As merpreb mentioned this is a healthy place. I know I have learned much in the time I have been here. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
@parus– Yes parus! And look where you are now compared to when you first signed in!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
It's when your brain can't handle any more of the trauma and it tries to help your body and mind survive so your mind goes somewhere else it considers safer. For example, my PTSD is the result of childhood sexual abuse… incest. When things were being done to me rather than just go crazy my mind would take me away. While I was still very young it would take me to my grandmother's house and, as I grew older it many times took me to books or stories I had read. You literally feel transported, your mind "dis" "associates" from your body. It usually happens involuntarily but I found once I realized it could happen I could sometimes consciously will it to happen. It's a bit like meditation, the more you work at it the easier it becomes. I know you have lots of questions and I'm happy to share what I've learned and, the more you understand how something works the easier it becomes to control the controllable parts of it.
Same here. My father. 11 years. Even though PTSD caused anxiety, depression, OCD and wreaked havoc on my health in general until I have over 30 diseases, am in chronic pain and disabled, I’ve overcome the pain from the trauma… 99%. I’ll never be 100% over it until I see Jesus face to face.
Liked by Parus, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we’re talking broken bones stuff). I also was sexually assaulted as a young adult by a stranger. I decided to not let my abuse or past define me. I am a SURVIVOR. I do not need to give my abusers the power to continue to hurt me through flashbacks and triggers. They certainly aren’t thinking on it any longer! A huge part of my childhood was taken – they WILL not take the rest of my life. It is MY choice. I am so very sorry you were not helped with therapy. There are some bad therapists out there, but there are many good ones. I am on medication for depression and find it really helps me. I know there are members in my own family who refuse to believe they have a mental illness (two are bi-polar and one is schizophrenic) and they “self” medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. It is so sad, as they are only making their life worse. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It is like any other illness. Your brain is an organ. If you had a brain tumor, you would get it looked at and fixed. But why people have a hard time with brain chemistry being out of balance and causing an illness (just like insulin in diabetes) is beyond me. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is help out there for everyone. Even if it is self education through books. The thing is, you must do all the hard work. Ignore what doesn’t work for you and really practice what does. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless (sounds like depression to me – been there, done that many times!). There are even some studies which show brain chemistry is forever altered in children who have been through continuous situations of abuse and extreme stress. But this does NOT mean you can’t live a good life. You don’t have to be a product of your past. YOU decide who you want to be mentally and daily work to accomplish that goal. I am by no means saying it is easy. It is HARD, emotional work. It has taken me years (and, yes, medication). But I am so much better than I used to be. I, personally, also find my strength in God. I truly feel He has given me the strength and wisdom to move forward. I no longer hate my abusers. I certainly don’t want to have lunch with them, but I can cast them aside in my mind with no anger when they pop up. So much is about changing the negative self talk, about replacing a negative emotion with a positive one. I will be praying for you. I know the road is long, but once you start putting one foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how far you have to go, you will see improvement.
@parus That was well said and so encouraging to me! God Bless you for being able to love others as you do! Amen
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Merry, Volunteer Mentor, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Thank you Merry I love being in this group.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
@catcatanzaro60 Good morning. How are you doing??
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
Hello I am getting ready to call it a night. Just been catching up on my groups. I went to my Doctor today. gonna stay on my Cymbalta at the lower dose. Not ready to experience my mind going crazy again. But I am going to start back on my Buspar for anxiety first. There is a shortage of Buspar right now. Thanks for everything you do for others I hope you are doing ok Have a great morning!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
The more I read about childhood PTSD the more I realize there is really no help out there. Caught up those jackal jaws once more. All I know is I am currently ironed flat. Always the quiet child. Just need to let the jumbled feelings run their course. It is a battle and is what it is…I have these dark times and it is okay. Sometimes easier to give them some space.
Thank you for sharing. Your story sounds just like mine! I too made the choice to not let my sister define me. I have times of self pity but I pull myself out of it. We are survivors! We must move on and never look back!
@parus Sending you gentle hugs. Step to the side, let those jumbled feelings run their course right past you. Close that door behind them for as long as you can, tell them you're finished with them, have no more need for them, so they can just go away. In a perfect world, that would work right from the beginning. In reality, it will take repeating, and hopefully feel less of an impact soon.
@parus– PTSD is an awful disease. It's crippling and confusing. I'm not sure though what you mean by "I realize there is really no help out there" for childhood PTSD.
I'm joining ginger to make a group hug, then taking you out for a walk.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, Parus, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
Good morning @amandarosendahl and welcome to Mayo Connect. I am so sorry that you had a difficult relationship with your sister. When did you make the decision not to let your sister define you? In saying that your don't want your sister to define do you mean you don't want to be like her? My twin sister was an addict at 15 years of age. She was very ill equipped to handle this type of life or any situation that didn't offer her the type of acceptance and love that she ached for. We were very loved but our mother didn't know how to raise twins (does anyone?) and set up a very competitive environment for us. We were fraternal but a lot of people confused us. I was afraid that in certain situations I'd look like her or act like her.I in no way wanted to be anything like her.
We all have moments of "Oh woe is me" and that's fine. I mean people can be every mean and hand us a pile of crap. But we can survive and look at us now!! PTSD is a symptom of that, accumulated over a period of years. PTSD doesn't just mean that only one things causes it.
Can you tell me more about your situation? Have you been in more control over your PTSD in recent years?
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier
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