Struggling to stop drinking

Posted by CoorSki @coorski, Jul 31, 2012

I am struggling to stop drinking. I have no doubts what so ever that I am an alcoholic, and it will kill me if I don’t stop. The best I can do is to make a day or two, and then I relapse. I’ve worked with AA for over 5 years, and I am still drinking. It is a huge burden, and maybe I’ve painted myself in a corner tight enough that I have no choice but not to drink. I would like to join in a discussion with people who have successfully stopped their alcohol abuse, and could possibly assist me as I attempt once again not to drink. I have no delusions about ever being able to drink alcohol sensibly in the future. I know, that for me, the only option is total and permanent abstinence. Typically by the weekend, I’ll be feeling rather well, and then I decide I can have some. If I drink beer, on average, I drink at least 12 and sometimes up to 14. I usually don’t drink hard liquor of wine as it really sneaks up on me, and the next thing I know it’s the next morning, and I don’t remember much. The one thing I am trying is to eat late in the afternoon so I have a full stomach as I approach my alcohol abuse hour/hours (typically starting around 3 to 5, and then drinking for 4 hours after starting).

Liked by Roxie43

I feel so sorrry for you as I have done the same thing since my early 20s and now Im 52 and I have been through treatment so many times and AA meetings but nothing works and I have had a hard life and always depression. Getting to the point I cant take it anymore—-no anti-depressents have worked for me, I am going to try to take 5 HTP and extra vitamins and see if it hrlps some. Wish I could tell you some good news but I get so depressed , I think my chances are about over. Maybe talking to others online will help.l

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Hi CoorSki ….. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. I’m sure you know more about your disease than I, but just some thoughts from an adult child of alcoholics. Alcoholism is merely a symptom of deeper underlying problems … there is a hole you are trying to fill and medicate yourself from feeling pain from some experience you’ve had in the past.(abuse, divorce, losses, sexual molestation). That is why folks drink. I would strongly urge you get into therapy, in addition to A.A. Through a good therapist you will be able to dig deep and find the reason for this and the mechanism that is driving it, and there is one.
I won’t go into how destructive this is, for you and for those around you …. I’m sure you know that. My concern is that you get the help you desperately need and find out what is driving this in you.
Please keep us posted.
Barb

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Hi CoorSki,
I think Barb has a great idea about your seeing a therapist. I have mixed feelings about AA…it worked great for one friend of mine…and kept a couple of other friends having their perpetual problem. It just varies from person to person.
I think I was blessed in that I developed an allergy to alcohol when I turned 40… My beloved adopted Dad was an alcoholic but GOT HIMSELF THROUGH IT…so I know it can be done..
My birthmother was an alcoholic but she wouldn’t admit to it “because she just drank beer” … My adopted mother wasn’t an alcoholic but was very mean to me when she was drinking.
Please consider visiting with a therapist/counselor… I don’t know your ‘religious’ status, but please avoid the religious approach UNLESS it is really your own chosen thing and way of life…otherwise it could get worse…believe me.
Don’t be afraid to be ‘picky’ about who your counselor is…its YOUR LIFE… Just please keep intending to find a GOOD one…the RIGHT one! 🙂 I wish you luck and love. Things WILL work out for you if you really want them to… and its OK to feel down sometimes. Hey! We are all human! 🙂

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Hi,
Thank You for your honesty.. Admitting a problem is a huge step in recovering. I would advice you to seek professional help to stop drinking. Beer is alcohol as is a shot of rum or a glass of wine. When someone with alcoholism attempts to stop drinking on their own they run the serious risk of dangerous and even deadly withdrawal symptoms. Please, do not do this on your own okay??
I am proud of you for reaching out to us and look forward to hearing about this very important journey…
Hugs,
Rox

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Hello CoorSki. You drink a little like I did back in my drinking days. I usually drank just beer and made sure I ate, so I could drink more and have a better drunk. I’ve been sober over 16 years now, and used AA and The 12 Steps for over 8 of those years to help me stay sober. Meetings were important, but I took a hold of those steps and practiced them as best as I could each day. The end result was that I changed who was and got through many things sober. As I began to realize I could stay sober on my own and that it wasn’t about not drinking but finding greater happiness, I moved forward without AA. The last 8 years has been about more growth as a person, and trying to believe in something that created life and the universe for a reason. My life isn’t perfect today, but I am happier and more fulfilled than when I was drinking. You’re where you need to be to stop drinking, and you need to hear that. Now to stay stopped. First, our brain needs to re-balance itself. There are something called neurotransmitters in our brains to help us feel better about ourselves and feel happy in everyday life. The longer we stay away from using a substance to make us happy, the greater chance we have of remaining abstinent. Fear is the biggest factor in our endeavor. We doubt we can stay sober, we doubt we can be happy, and we doubt anyone or anything can help us. So we need to find a way to quiet the mind. We can start by trying to re-balance it with diet and exercise, and changing our thoughts. There are other avenues for recovery besides AA that can help us change how we think. The bottom line is that you need to hear you can and will be all right if you stay away from that first drink. You need to go to any length you can to remain sober. This requires doing some things you don’t want to do. Hope is powerful, and so is the help of others. If you can, even praying to something unseen can help. Prayer, people, hope, and self-talk were my tools for staying sober and finding happiness. I also became more confident in life and with myself, and somewhere along the way, I knew I could say sober no matter what. Fear can still enter my world today, but it always turns out to be the boogeyman. I just scratched the surface here as far as helping you. Just know that I stumbled upon this forum by accident, and that I don’t believe in coincidences. However, I do believe we have the ability to happy without a drug. Now you have to begin believing this yourself.

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I also think the AA would be a good thing !!!

Liked by johnwhitfield

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I do AA but I might suggest: inpatient treatment, individual therapy, and possible meds. Of course, with AA I Need to have a sponsor and participate.in a homegroup.

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For any of you who struggle with Alcoholic Liver Disease, I thought you might find this newsfeed about clinical trials helpful.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/gastroenterology-and-gi-surgery/newsfeed-post/clinical-trials-for-alcoholic-liver-disease/

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Hi coorski, I think the biggest obstacle that I had trying to quite drinking was the constant and unreasonable rationalization of my behavior. Like many Alcoholics, I never had a DUI. Although, if I had, I really don't think it would have done any good. I felt I had prepared the best that I could for my demise. So I was ready to pass if the time came. I was very selfish. I now realize that maintaining a life style, paying the bills exetra was just masking and enabling my addiction. Causing me to become fatalistic about life in general. In general, my outlook currently is great. Partly because I am less controlling, more, optimistic, and more selfaccepting of my circumstances both now and in the past. My advice to you is to quite listening to the excuses in your head. Just don't go there. Replace it with another thought process. Think about the consequences of your actions. The conequences of end stage liver disease. Bleeding out from a esophageal varasies. A ugly way to die. Blood everywhere and very hard to overcome. Acidies, your body swells up like a balloon including your junk. Just try putting a couple of gratefriut in your jock strap for a day and see how you feel. The worst body cramps that will make you wish you were dead. When and if you are lucky enough to quite drinking for six months then you are in the death zone. If you are lucky, you will be eligible for a liver transplant. Then the guilt starts. Look what you did. It's all on you. QUIT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

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@luckonetj

Hi coorski, I think the biggest obstacle that I had trying to quite drinking was the constant and unreasonable rationalization of my behavior. Like many Alcoholics, I never had a DUI. Although, if I had, I really don't think it would have done any good. I felt I had prepared the best that I could for my demise. So I was ready to pass if the time came. I was very selfish. I now realize that maintaining a life style, paying the bills exetra was just masking and enabling my addiction. Causing me to become fatalistic about life in general. In general, my outlook currently is great. Partly because I am less controlling, more, optimistic, and more selfaccepting of my circumstances both now and in the past. My advice to you is to quite listening to the excuses in your head. Just don't go there. Replace it with another thought process. Think about the consequences of your actions. The conequences of end stage liver disease. Bleeding out from a esophageal varasies. A ugly way to die. Blood everywhere and very hard to overcome. Acidies, your body swells up like a balloon including your junk. Just try putting a couple of gratefriut in your jock strap for a day and see how you feel. The worst body cramps that will make you wish you were dead. When and if you are lucky enough to quite drinking for six months then you are in the death zone. If you are lucky, you will be eligible for a liver transplant. Then the guilt starts. Look what you did. It's all on you. QUIT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

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Hi, @luckonetj – wondering if you'd share more about how you got from what you called a constant and unreasonable rationalization of your behavior with drinking to quitting alcohol? Was altering your thought processes part of what helped you, or what got you out of the rationalization?

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hi! I too an struggling. Have you found a group yet to talk to on line? I just got chewed out by my sponsor ( lovingly) when I admitted to her that I had a drink last night. I did not want to 'bother her' at that hour of night. I did look back thru the step work we started ( I'm just started with NA. only been to 3 meetings).. ( will go at the 5:00 today due to my slip last night). I have to drive 1.5 hours to a meeting. I just did not know who to 'bother'. I too, need help. I have not learned yet how to 'ask' for help when I actually NEED to talk to someone. Have you found any support yet? I now know I HAVE to call my sponsor. but,, always need another avenue. I hope you are doing ok now. It is tough. This sucks. Seems like I'm always failing.. and I failed last night. Still learning here.. I have a long ways to go.

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Hello @mcmurf2, I appreciate your honesty in sharing some about your slip back into drinking. I'd like to tag @johnwhitfield who has shared something about relapses.

@mcmurf2 Just a thought to consider. Do you have an understanding as to what triggered your drinking? Sometimes insight about the triggers for addiction can help folks plan a new strategy when those triggers become evident.

Liked by Lisa Lucier, mcmurf2

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@lisalucier

Hi, @luckonetj – wondering if you'd share more about how you got from what you called a constant and unreasonable rationalization of your behavior with drinking to quitting alcohol? Was altering your thought processes part of what helped you, or what got you out of the rationalization?

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Taking alcohol out of my reward system and changing my daily schedule. Wake early and recite my favourite quote while listening to music. Before I was stricken with liver disease I would quit drinking for a long period of time. Exercise help a great deal, I felt good, but I was the same person. Post liver transplant I feel that I have eliminate excuses from my daily life. I think In the past I made up excuses to drink. 😁

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@hopeful33250

Hello @mcmurf2, I appreciate your honesty in sharing some about your slip back into drinking. I'd like to tag @johnwhitfield who has shared something about relapses.

@mcmurf2 Just a thought to consider. Do you have an understanding as to what triggered your drinking? Sometimes insight about the triggers for addiction can help folks plan a new strategy when those triggers become evident.

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I think getting sober are prone to more triggers. Not to say maintaining sobriety you still are vulnerable to triggers too. Generally speaking people, places, emotional state, physical states, and spiritual states are triggers. Getting sober old people, places, and things are powerful triggers. This may sound simple, but the truth is I am an alcoholic. I have a disease that tells me I do not have a disease. It has a build-in condition of built-in forgetters, Denial! Theses are a few that makes it a disease. It makes no commons sense to repeat behaviors with negative consequences and do them over and over. For my relapse is based on lack of support, not working a program and attending meetings. Hope this helps!.

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@johnwhitfield

I think getting sober are prone to more triggers. Not to say maintaining sobriety you still are vulnerable to triggers too. Generally speaking people, places, emotional state, physical states, and spiritual states are triggers. Getting sober old people, places, and things are powerful triggers. This may sound simple, but the truth is I am an alcoholic. I have a disease that tells me I do not have a disease. It has a build-in condition of built-in forgetters, Denial! Theses are a few that makes it a disease. It makes no commons sense to repeat behaviors with negative consequences and do them over and over. For my relapse is based on lack of support, not working a program and attending meetings. Hope this helps!.

Jump to this post

Hi @johnwhitfield,
Thank you for this great post about triggers. I hope that @mcmurf2 and others in our discussion group will read your post and take time to understand what their triggers are so that they too can maintain sobriety.

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