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4 decades on meth can I really stop using is there hope?
I am 57 years old I have been using meth/crank since I was 14. I was an IV drug user. I have been clean for a month, but my thoughts of using is a constant battle. A battle i don't ever seem to win. I feel as if there is no hope and I should reside myself to the fact I'm probably going to die from this horrific addiction. The want to get better is there within me but thats not enough to keep me drug free. What am I doing wrong and if I figure that out can I actually do it what is right!
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Hi DD! So very good to hear from you!
I'm sorry you still find life hard - it as an honest assessment and we're best to admit that and look for ways to make life better. Unacknowledged pain can't be treated. I'm also glad that you are "keeping on" - that's the most important part.
I'm nine months post-left shoulder replacement and feel very good. At 71, I'm fortunate, and thankful for what I've been able to accomplish and for the good people, like you, that I've met along the way, making my life bright.
Thanks DD, and all the best to you!
Joe
Thank you Joe. I did not write that. I googled it. Though Ive found many definitions of agency, this was the one I got when looking up "Human Agency " I found it to be the most complete. I screen shot it and use it when discussing the reason external locus of control can create learned helplessness. The dependence of a program for long term recovery is only recovery from certain addiction. But its not full recovery. Full recovery comes only through internal locus of control. The sponsor I mentioned who relapsed, used the excuse of not doing his program. The 12 steps uses reaffirmations of dependence to rely on sobriety. "Keep coming back...it works if you work it" Ive personally heard many people claim relapse due to not running their program. Its the repetition of confirmation to oneself that failure will happen if the individual is not doing their program. These people convince themselves of failure. Convince yourself of success. Once convinced you no longer need the steps or program, you'll find true recovery and internal locus. You can enjoy the program by going and participating, but its crucial you define the destinction between enjoying it and needing it. I enjoy working with people in recovery. But I dont need to in order to remain sober. I enjoy listening to people at meetings tell how their life has changed yet I cringe when I hear them say they are only sober because of the steps or because of God. The big huge smile on their face as the bask in the glory of being dependent on something that doesn't exist. Change is the creator of all. Nothing exists without change and nothing can escape it. By embracing change we embrace the reality of our destiny. Our universe was created through process and change. It always continue to do so. I dont need to have the knowledge of where the earth came from. Or to seek it. I already know it came from infinite change. When I accepted change as the creator of all, I accepted accountability of my life. This led to internal locus. This strengthened my human agency to be who I am today. Clean and sober by my own decision. I now have the ability to see where the spots on a leopard came from. Not from an individual creator but from change and adaptability. The 2 most crucial parts of evolving as a strong person and attaining internal locus of control. Embrace change. Learn to adapt. Those who seek peace and harmony outside themselves leave it far behind. The secrets of life are found within the the pages of destiny. Each page is but a mirror that cast the reflection of those who seek.