4 decades on meth can I really stop using is there hope?

I’ve spent most of my life struggling with one form of addiction or another, alcohol, cocaine and prescription drugs

I’ve been clean and sober for ten years and no longer have the urge to use.

Everyone’s biology is different and what has worked for me may not help you, but here it is.

First I had to accept that something was broken before I started using.

I used drugs and alcohol to mask my pain and avoid my feelings.

My biology was changed by my substance abuse.

I needed help badly mental and physical.

If I did not change I would continue to hurt people. People used to warn me that I would die if I didn’t stop. They didn’t understand that I welcomed death, Not hurting the people I love became my motivation.

I had to start taking care of myself. I stopped eating crap and started exercising, both very hard at first. However, it’s tough to get high and eat right and exercise. Anytime I spent taking care of myself was time I didn’t feed the beast.

I had to accept that getting clean and for me, addressing my trauma was to be the fight of my life. I had to adopt a Warrior mindset.

I had to believe it would get better and that the pain would not last forever.

And perhaps most importantly I had lost everything a human can lose, except my life and I was going to take that away on my own.

I was given the gift of desperation.

Today the fight to be a better man is the purpose of my life. It is my reason for being.

There is nothing I can do for my ex-wife, my children and increasingly humanity as a whole if I don’t take of my soul first.

You have taken an incredible step reaching out, keep going. Don’t stop ever! If you fall down get back up and keep fighting.

Don’t beat yourself up. You are sick no different than if you had cancer.

If you can’t fight for yourself, what will you fight for. It doesn’t matter what it is right now.

Just fight!

I wish you the peace you deserve. Never forget you are loved.

I'm 33 years clean and never thought I'd get even a day. It gets so much better trust and believe that, Never lose hope and a month is a massive huge accomplishment ,so give yourself a lot of credit but also recognize that you have used for a whole lot more months than you have been clean time takes time and beyond physical addiction there is the lifestyle and thinking and friendships and everything about our lives that has been so wrapped up in using so it is perfectly normal to think about it, it is going to take time for new behaviors to be comfortable and a new way of life takes time and practice to create especially as those of us who started young didn't get a chance to learn who we are and what we are really about, the thing is you don't have to USE today or ever again, just breathe through it, pick up the phone& call a clean friend go to a meeting or watch speakers on you tube ,I like a channel called Odomtology they have a range of recovery speakers I suggest listening to Danny Trejo ! I got clean in rehab and NA & AA were/are foundational to my recovery (I suggest you get a NA Basic Text and read it) but I have added many other things along the way like Dialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR for ptsd and much more, I'm NOT religious but learned young that I can take what works for me from anything and now there are so many more approaches to recovery and groups out there that there is truly a "bolt for every type of nut" .You can do this despite what the committee from hell that sounds like is going nonstop in your head says, and remember you are never alone! Congrats on every minute you get clean and much love & light going forward, Be kind to yourself

Hi i am 58 and clean for 5 months. I can do it and i hope u can too
I drank and smoked with the best of them. I was dx with a genetic heart disease 5 months ago and that scared me to death so i quit everything. It seemed impossible the first couple months but then things got easier with time. My biggest thing was boredom cause i didnt know what to do with all my spate time. It does and did get betr. Good luck to u

That really touched my heart and soul. Thank you! Just thank you!

Thank you! I am just blown away by the support I have received here. I struggle everyday but there is something different this time I'm not sure what it is or why it is it just is. I want it to work this time for me. I need people to pray for me because thats what my heart is telling me I need. I'm desperate I'm so desperate to get well. I just want to be well, balanced and focused on my recovery. Thank you again 💓

Increasingly the only way I seem to be able to make any sense of my selfish life is to share my story with others.

I am so sorry. All I can suggest is that you learn habits that will stop your thoughts of returning to using meth. Willpower and motivation are really not helpful. Coping with any of these behaviors that are not good for us (overeating, lack of exercise, etc) depends on habits and other methods of avoidance. The more ingrained those scafolding behaviors are, the better chance you have. I hope that the new life you build gives you peace.

Thank you! You hit the nail on the head . My behaviors are reflecting my recovery, my actions. I am overeating not exercising or doing anything to promote my well-being, however you pointing these types of behaviors out makes me look at what I'm doing a little closer and than change it thats the hard part.

Yes, it's possible. You just have to believe in yourself. Cause you are GREAT! and you are strong to get over the drug addiction no matter how long it's been. You put yourself in the world around the right people and you won't have any regrets. The world and the some great people will help you become a better person.. no matter age or the time you've been addicted. But I can't promise you you won't think about it or have the urge but that's when you lean on the good people you put yourself around or the ones you know you can consider good people.. call them or meet up with some one or more.. and they will help you to stop thinking about it and it will disappear but only until the next time the urge comes back and you just keep doing that one thing get out of the position/place youre at call up those people and do it all over again. And how you know if you found the right people or person.. you be honest with them. Don't blind side them. And if they truly understand and want to be there to keep you standing up tall like you deserve especially after so long then that's your people or person. Who ever drags you done. Belittles you, or a getting high partner is definitely not the right ones. Dump them and go find some one else or others. Cause I promise there are actually really good freaking people out in this cruel world you just just have to get up, put your big boy undies on, and say yesterday was the last day I'm ever going to pick up the needle. You break up with that needle for good and I'll be someone who you can talk to if things get hard. Cause I'm definitely a recovering drug addict myself. Doing basically everything other than hallucinating drugs. Didn't work well with my anxiety but meth was my best friend for a long time. My only friend. And then of course I had to bring heroin into the mix but that's all after I got real bad off on opiates and Adderall. I had to literally go to jail for months and then rehab because jail wasn't enough to time to keep me sober.. but sadly that didn't keep me sober either. For a few months and then I relapsed. And when I did that I ended up going hard cause my butt wasnt going home to be sober. But then magic happened and when I opened my eyes one day I realized I'm tired.. I'm really tired of living like that. And I mean I hated living a life like that. Had not one thing to my name.. I lost all my friends. I lost family members. Let a man get a way all because of my stupid drug addiction. And after losing people by death I cared about more than myself while worrying if I'm going to get my next fix or even not being able to get it in time so I miss it .. is hell of a feeling or just even wanting to go to the funeral because I feel sick cause I'm without drugs so all you can do is crawl deeper into drugs. And knowing how bad it hurts when you don't have a job, no money, no drugs, can't sleep, your body from head to arms to stomach all the way to your toes hurts so bad.... And waking up screaming cause i hurt so bad. That's not a life. There is a whole world out there that needs to be explored and found.. it's beautiful out there. People are some beautiful creatures too. You will only be able to go find the world outside of drugs if you want it! You are your own demon.. you can only change you destiny.. so are you going to sit back and watch everything pretty in the world pass you by or are you going to stand up and change the life that was thrown to you? You a destined to do good things everyone is. You just have to do it. Don't feel bad for yourself. This stuff is what makes us who we are. It's us to change it and make it 10x better. Buts it's all up to you. It's in your hands. So make it happen or sit in pitty and waste every more of your life away on drugs. Cause that's all your doing.. everyone dies. I just want everyone in the world to be exactly who they are wanting to be or suppose to be before that day comes. So you choose! Hope this might help. Idk trying to help with my story maybe lighten things up for you or maybe show there is more out there than drugs and hate, and hurt, and pitty. 🫵 Are GREAT! And you deserve to smile and be happy. Things won't come easy but when those good things happen.. you will see it and you will want it all the time. There will be down falls but you get yourself up back up wipe your knees and look forward and you say "we ain't doing this today, Satan youre good at making your way in but I'm better cause I'm better" watch me work.and keep going.

Hi @chrisspymills, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! What an uplifting and positive post, thank you! Thank you for sharing some of your story as well.

I pulled these from your post as they really stood out!

"lean on the good people you put yourself around or the ones you know you can consider good people."

"You will only be able to go find the world outside of drugs if you want it! You are your own demon.. you can only change you destiny.. so are you going to sit back and watch everything pretty in the world pass you by or are you going to stand up and change the life that was thrown to you?"

@chrisspymills, how long have you been on the recovery part of your journey?