Do pictures of your loved ones hurt or help?

I wished I had some words that would lift you up Marilyn @thisismarilynb. The loss of a spouse or child is devastating and the grieving process can be difficult to navigate. I have lost a younger sister and 3 close friends the past few years. What has helped me get through the difficult times when seeing a picture of them is thinking about all of the good times we had together and trying to visualize a special memory that I shared with each of them. Hoping your days will be filled with special memories you had with your husband that bring a smile to your face.

@thisismarilynb
Good morning,
First let me say I’m sorry for your loss.
Since I’ve never been married I can’t really imagine how difficult it would be to lose a spouse. I’ve lost most of my family and friends. Pictures, especially those of my parents keep my memories of the happy times alive.
The photos bring me such peace and comfort, even sad pictures I can find happiness. I know this isn’t possible in all situations. The pictures remind me of special places with special people.
My most cherished possession is a photo of my Mom taken in 1938 when she was 8 years old. I love the photo but looking at it reminds me of stories my Mom and Grandmother told me about her childhood. I have no childhood memories and many other parts of my life are a blur from comas due to seizures so pictures play an integral role in my life.
I hope pictures will bring you the contientment and happiness they bring me.
Jake

I think that it gets easier with time, it’s definitely painful when you’re still working through the loss. I’m sure that one day when you feel totally ready and are at peace with your family and life, you will enjoy looking at your wonderful pictures of loved ones and you will feel joy and happiness remembering all the good things you’ve shared.

Time is what I do not have. I am already 88 and closing in on 89. Not afraid of dying. There's nothing left for me here.

Thank you.

Thank you for your kind words, but I guess I am not ready yet. It brought on more tears. I think it is because this is the last picture.

Hi @thisismarilynb, I've lost my entire birth family and many other relatives. I love to have my favorite pictures of them around. My brothers both died at 48 and 59 from cancer and were emaciated their last couple years. I don't like those images in my head so I keep my favorite pics of them out when they looked healthy. The healthy images have replaced the painful ones. Same with my mother who is the only one that had a full life. I deleted the pictures of her in her last years because I can see the dementia in her eyes and expression. I want to remember the healthy, beautiful, vibrant mother I had most of my life and she would want me to remember her that way and share those photos.

Think of photos of loved ones like flowers in your garden. When you cut fresh flowers for the dinner table, you carefully select the most beautiful ones to brighten the room.

I've always encouraged people to keep talking about the good memories of those who have passed because eventually that's all you'll remember. You'll be happy when someone brings them up and remembers your loved ones fondly like you do. When people avoid talking about lost loved ones, it becomes a taboo topic and they are suddenly taken back to sadness when someone mentions them. Their name will cause the room go into awkward silence instead of generating fun stories.

You might try journaling about all the good times you had with your husband so you can relive them again and pass them on to your children, grandchildren, whoever. Share the fun stories with others and they'll come back to life. Do it with passion and a smile. When I think and talk about my brothers, it just makes me laugh and smile. They were funny even when they had terminal cancer. I lost my dad when he was 50 in a car accident so all photos of him are youthful and healthy. I still love to remember what an amazing talent he was and all our amazing world travels together. Keep remembering what you loved about your husband, look at fun pictures and it will get better and better.

How do you want people to remember you when you're gone? When I'm gone, I don't want anyone to be sad or stop talking about me like I never existed. I want my life to count for something. I'm hoping people will continue to remember the best parts of me, forget any sad parts or shortcomings, and share the fun times we had together. I want them to laugh as if I'm still sitting right next to them. Maybe I will be. 🙂

Time is not relevant, you don’t know how long you have, you could live longer than you ever thought. I believe that your husband will patiently wait for you to join him and in the meantime enjoy your life as much as possible and know that he will be watching over you. It’s not important right now to look at your pictures, I’m sure you have lots of memories to look back to and perhaps a few more to make, it’s in God’s hands amen.

@thisismarilynb your feelings are valid because they are yours. You can feel sad when looking at the picture now. Perhaps in a little while it might get easier. If not, it’s ok.
My daughter was 45 when she died of an overdose of painkillers mixed with fentanyl. That was almost 5 years ago. She left behind her 3 children who were ages 10, 13, and 16 at the time of her death.
I have a few pictures around of her with her beautiful family. I feel sad when I see her, however I also have times when I’m angry with her. When one of her children has a birthday, or graduates I actually yell at her picture. I tell her that she is missing out on their lives, and they are having to do life without their mom. How dare she be so selfish!
I have pictures of my parents, and other family members around. I like looking at them. When I see my parents, I will sometimes say good morning to them. I feel sad they are gone, but they were meant to die before me and my sister.
Our feelings are neither wrong nor right. They just are.

@thisismarilynb

We received this poem when my Dad passed away.

To those I love

If I should ever leave you
whom I love
To go along the Silent Way, grieve not,
Nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk
Of me as if I were
beside you there,
I'd come - I'd come,
could I but find a way!
But would not tears and grief
be barriers?
And when you hear a song
or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let
the thought of me be sad...
For I am loving you,
just as I always have...
you were so good to me!
There are so many things
I wanted still to do...
So many things to say to you...
Remember that I did not fear...
It was just leaving you that was so hard to face...
We cannot see Beyond...
But this I know;
I loved you so...
'Twas heaven here with you!

By,
Isla Paschal Richardson,

Gregory Peck read this poem at Frank Sinatra's funeral.

Jake