Do pictures of your loved ones hurt or help?

That is beautiful Jake. Thank you.

Your comments really touched me. I, too, cry when things remind me. A playground full of children. The grocery store. A song. Things he said. Times I failed him. Things I should have known. Things I should have done better. Places we went together. It breaks my heart over and over. He was so handsome, such a beautiful person! I miss him so much. My heart has been savaged. I get hysterical just thinking about going to the cemetery. I cannot explain my overwhelming sorrow. Dear Lord please have him in your arms!

My wife passed in September, 2022. We were staying in an Airbnb in Rochester, Minnesota. I just arrived yesterday at that same Airbnb, 11 months since she passed. So there are no pictures on the walls of her here but the memories are immense. The recliner she used, the decorative pillow that she used, and other little things is like walking into a living picture. There is both sadness and happiness for me.

I am fortunate in that. I found a grief group where I live in Las Cruces, New Mexico that helped me through so much and also I have a therapist here in Rochester, Minnesota that helped me before she passed on, as well as after and will continue as long as necessary.

For me, it just helps to tell others how I feel. I have been very fortunate that my support group and my therapist have not been very judgmental in making me feel what I should feel one way or another.

So, pictures on the wall at home? Yes! Lots? No, just a few special. Facebook memory pictures-- love them ! They pop up unexpectedly My days that I would not even begin to remember. I am so happy to see those pictures! Oh me, I just now thought that some people don't use Facebook and don't have memory pictures pop up. I sure hope they have Google photos or something similar to see those older photographs. They are full of different emotions.

PTSD with your mother. Keep at it! I have shed many many, many many tears over the years because of my father. I have come a long way and surely encourage you to keep at it. I wish you all the best that you get to the point of forgiveness. But if you don't, don't worry. Maybe acceptance. Maybe you will see that you've become a better person because of your PTSD.

Peace be with you!

DO NOT GO TO THE CEMETERY! He is not really there. He is in your heart, where he belongs. I had such a terrible experience when I went. I could just scream and scream until it finally stopped. There were no tears. Just those terrible screams. He comes to me in my dreams as a young person. I always ask him why he left me, but he does no speak. I am quite sure that a good portion of me died when he did. There are many times when I don't feel alive. I am just waiting for my time to die. There is nothing else.

It's such a truly personal loss isn't it and what works for one person may not for another... the pop up pics on Facebook -memories etc., my daughter likes them but not me and it's my own fault for posting the pics in the first place, I realize that now. Because on a difficult day and then turn it on only to see my Mum, or us together etc..... I do have the hard copies of all those pics and on my computer and I do visit them every so often, it's just the shock of seeing them when least expect it and I would like to turn that feature off. However, so happy that it is a happy moment for you and others.... having left home at 18 and even in a family group photo I feel "I should have been part of that happy group" because it never happened to me where I now live. Anyway, emotions are tricky to deal with - happy or sad - and I do cherish my pics.. and thank whoever invented the camera!!! One of my daughter's partners lost all of his in a fire, every single one, so at least with modern day technology we can save them in more than one place, which is something I would recommend. J.

You have your wisdom of a life that lived for 88 yrs to share.
God Bless

Let your loving memories override the photos that you cherish and find difficult to view.

That is soo lovely. It prompts me to give another meaningful tid bit:

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the gentle autums rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in ciecled flights.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there: I did not die.

Author Unknown
Post Script: The identity of the author is unknown, but in the NBC movie "Better Late than Never", presented Octobeer 17, 1978, Harold Gould portraed an elderlly man who delivered a grave side eulogy from an old friend. This poem was the eulogy.
John Carpento, who wrote the television script, reported that he had heard this poem in December 1977, when the late John Wayne delivered it as the eulog at the funeral of film director Howard Hawks.

One of my all time favorites and have requested this to be said aloud at my journey in to the night.

Sorry. I is John Carpenter.