1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Posted by Julie Chitwood @billchitwood, Feb 25, 2022

Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.

He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.

He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.

Any suggestions?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Dec 1, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "It seems their emotions change very often. I have experienced the same reaction Bill has with..." + (show)
@janet7

It seems their emotions change very often. I have experienced the same reaction Bill has with the passing of an only friend. Will doesn’t seem to care whether he sees his only friend or not and isn’t enthusiastic about seeing him again. He almost seems as if he doesn’t want to see him, like why bother.
Bill doesn’t sound by his words or his actions (not eating) that he wants to live much longer. My Dad got so miserable with his COPD that he said he wanted to die, and he did.

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Bill had refused to see Kirby. Kirby would drop by anyway and was planning on doing so this December (until his heart got so bad he couldn't travel back to Phoenix area). Kirby also was on portable oxygen for the past month or so and hated it. I know he was with his family for Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time (unlike Bill). So I think the end came very quickly as Ronnie said he was moving around and doing things a couple of days before he died.

Our Grandson IL came over Sunday to help with something and Bill made me close his door as he didn't want him to see him. But this has been going on for years. Bill yoyos from saying he wants to die to being angry the doctors haven't fixed him. Of course he will do nothing that they suggest to help himself.

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trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Dec 2, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Bill is eating and drinking very little. This morning he managed a half piece of French..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Bill is eating and drinking very little. This morning he managed a half piece of French Toast and most of a cup of hot cocoa. For lunch he wanted a Twinkie. His weight loss is staggering. He is very frail (89) and he won't do anything to help himself. Doctors say to make him get up and get his own water - but watching him trying to move is painful for me and doesn't seem to help him. So I feel guilty if I get him his water and guilty if I don't get it. One hospice assessor that he should be on hospice but the doctor on duty said dying of old age wouldn't qualify (according to Medicare the weight loss and falls and general failures could be a trigger. ) At the moment I'm trying for at home care as trying to get him out at all is almost impossible. He also doesn't want to see or talk to family or friends.
One of his funny things the other day was he couldn't remember the name of something he wanted to eat but it was in a can with white stuff in the middle. I immediately guessed Twinkie and he was delighted I knew what he was talking about. His dementia seems to effect mechanical things a lot. His vocabulary is still fantastic (at one point he was an English teacher).

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Julie is there some reason you haven't contacted Hospice? They were a wonderful help and resource we used for my in-laws and my parents. They are also a wonderful support for the caretaker.
My thought and prayer are with you.

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1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Dec 2, 2022
In reply to @trishaanderson "Julie is there some reason you haven't contacted Hospice? They were a wonderful help and resource..." + (show)
@trishaanderson

Julie is there some reason you haven't contacted Hospice? They were a wonderful help and resource we used for my in-laws and my parents. They are also a wonderful support for the caretaker.
My thought and prayer are with you.

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We did contact them and the nurse who assessed Bill said he qualified but the doctor on duty that night said he wouldn't authorize it as he didn't have something like cancer. They have another branch where the doctor/nurses/labs, etc., come to the house and he is being shifted over to that (those doctors can also qualify him for hospice). It has been very slow getting anything accomplished.
Last night was terrible in the bathroom as he has almost no control over not only his bladder but his bowels as well. Earlier in the day he had another fall (I used our Raizer to get him up).
He is hardly eating or drinking at this point. Very weak.

REPLY
2 replies
janet7 | @janet7 | Dec 2, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "We did contact them and the nurse who assessed Bill said he qualified but the doctor..." + (show)
@billchitwood

We did contact them and the nurse who assessed Bill said he qualified but the doctor on duty that night said he wouldn't authorize it as he didn't have something like cancer. They have another branch where the doctor/nurses/labs, etc., come to the house and he is being shifted over to that (those doctors can also qualify him for hospice). It has been very slow getting anything accomplished.
Last night was terrible in the bathroom as he has almost no control over not only his bladder but his bowels as well. Earlier in the day he had another fall (I used our Raizer to get him up).
He is hardly eating or drinking at this point. Very weak.

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So sorry Bill is not doing well and prayers for you both. This happening during the Holidays is very difficult for you and your family. A lot of people are happy and celebrating the Holidays while you are grieving and sad. I know the feeling and have experienced it more than once. Many years my Holidays were just another day, and not happy ones.
My heart goes out to you.

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mell | @mell | Dec 2, 2022

My guy is on a regimen for taking pills at nine and going to bed says he has trouble sleeping during night, i remained quiet during naps but do not anymore, he controls his pill taking but i do surprise him and go over it with him and discovered he had added an extra one, on purpose. Now he is a bit better. I sometimes will put away something i think isn't helping. He won't look for anything.

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Dec 3, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "We did contact them and the nurse who assessed Bill said he qualified but the doctor..." + (show)
@billchitwood

We did contact them and the nurse who assessed Bill said he qualified but the doctor on duty that night said he wouldn't authorize it as he didn't have something like cancer. They have another branch where the doctor/nurses/labs, etc., come to the house and he is being shifted over to that (those doctors can also qualify him for hospice). It has been very slow getting anything accomplished.
Last night was terrible in the bathroom as he has almost no control over not only his bladder but his bowels as well. Earlier in the day he had another fall (I used our Raizer to get him up).
He is hardly eating or drinking at this point. Very weak.

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@billchitwood
Hello Julie,

I am so sorry to hear that your husband's condition has worsened. This is a very difficult time for you and your family. I understand your predicament with one doctor not qualifying him for hospice. That doctor must not have been very familiar with hospice care, if he thought that only a cancer-type disorder was a qualifying factor for hospice. I encountered a similar problem with an elderly relative. She very much needed hospice care in order for her to have a more peaceful homegoing, however, her PCP would not make that call.

I did call a hospice organization in our area and their doctor felt very strongly that at her age and with her multiple health issues that hospice was the right decision for her. I hope that you continue to reach out to the organization you are working with and get the support that both you and your husband need right now.

I'd like to know how you are doing. Will you keep in touch?

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1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Dec 3, 2022
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@billchitwood Hello Julie, I am so sorry to hear that your husband's condition has worsened. This..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

@billchitwood
Hello Julie,

I am so sorry to hear that your husband's condition has worsened. This is a very difficult time for you and your family. I understand your predicament with one doctor not qualifying him for hospice. That doctor must not have been very familiar with hospice care, if he thought that only a cancer-type disorder was a qualifying factor for hospice. I encountered a similar problem with an elderly relative. She very much needed hospice care in order for her to have a more peaceful homegoing, however, her PCP would not make that call.

I did call a hospice organization in our area and their doctor felt very strongly that at her age and with her multiple health issues that hospice was the right decision for her. I hope that you continue to reach out to the organization you are working with and get the support that both you and your husband need right now.

I'd like to know how you are doing. Will you keep in touch?

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Daughter Robin took no prisoners yesterday! They immediately sent out a nurse to assess him. She quickly got the doctor on board - by seven last night a hospital bed, wheelchair, bedside commode, special air mattress (prevent bed sores) along with medications had arrived!

He went to sleep without pain.

His weight dropped down to 149 from 163 (Nov 11th). He started out two years ago at 218.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Dec 3, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Daughter Robin took no prisoners yesterday! They immediately sent out a nurse to assess him. She..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Daughter Robin took no prisoners yesterday! They immediately sent out a nurse to assess him. She quickly got the doctor on board - by seven last night a hospital bed, wheelchair, bedside commode, special air mattress (prevent bed sores) along with medications had arrived!

He went to sleep without pain.

His weight dropped down to 149 from 163 (Nov 11th). He started out two years ago at 218.

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Congratulations to Robin who took action and kudos to the organization which responded in such a wonderful way! Being proactive and not taking "no" for an answer is so important. It was good for Bill that he was able to sleep without pain. I hope that the rest of his earthly time is spent peacefully!

REPLY
cayno | @cayno | Dec 3, 2022

My husband gets his computer hijacked (3 times last year) and a tech guy cleans the computer and he starts over. He cannot log in to anything by himself. He cannot remember if a bill was paid. Etc.

So we are trying office hour. 3 pm each day. I review the bills, what was paid, for how much. And keep my own check registers. His check register is totally off. He is the boss still although he is aware he does not know what is going on. I cannot get the dr nor eldercare lawyer to remove him from the trust. He asks over and over about the same things and I say office hour is at 3 pm.

Interested in other ideas.

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cayno | @cayno | Dec 3, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Bill loves doing his blogs. But every day with the computer gets worse. He gets angry..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Bill loves doing his blogs. But every day with the computer gets worse. He gets angry when I can't help him but he can't explain what he is trying to do. And even if he can he can't remember what I told him minutes later. He confuses his desktop with google; sites with computer programs. If I write down instructions he still can't or won't follow them.

I know he needs to be able to do his blogs as it is something he is still good at writing, but Lord help me, I dread seeing him reaching for his computer.

His solution still is to buy a new computer (he thinks he already has a new one but wants to trade it in).

He has also had a problem with his Hearing Aids/TV streamer this morning. I can't tell if it is the user or the remote. And even more problems with the TV remote. Good thing I don't mind a movie going back to the beginning a few times during watching it!

At least he hasn't mentioned driving again after about a week of that. I've hidden the car keys just in case. Latest thing that he could do but now having problems with is the toaster. He does stay away from microwave, range and oven - thank heavens. Mainly because I've always been the one to do the cooking so it isn't something that he is used to doing.
A lot of 'tongue biting' on my part lol.

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You could delete the blogs and use therapeutic fibbing to say Google or Wordpress.com or whatever said he doesn’t have enough followers. Even if he is paying for blogs they can be removed. It might not be good for him but you do not need the stress. Blog maintenance and constant changes are difficult for anyone. I have had a blog since 2008 and I know.

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