Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Posted by Julie Chitwood @billchitwood, Feb 25, 2022

Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.

He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.

He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.

Any suggestions?

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@billchitwood

Today Erica from hospice arrived to give him a bath (in bed), shave him, change his sheets, etc. He enjoyed her rubbing on lotion. Lately he says my hands are too cold to touch him. Then wants to hold my hand or pet me.
Other when Erica was here he has mostly been sleeping. Went to sleep as she was walking out of the room. Again today he has refused food of any kind. I think that is one of the hardest thing a spouse/caregiver goes through. I have spent 37 years cooking his favorites and watching him enjoy them. Fixing food for him was a sign of love and care. Now I can't give him that.

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Dear Julie,
I remember a woman who had terminal Cancer and her last wish was to cook a meal for her husband. What an unselfish wish -just like your unselfish wish to cook a nice meal for Bill, after all those years of cooking for him.
There are still ways of showing Bill your unselfish love and the most loving to me is having him stay in his home with you. We know the alternative and it is harsh.
To me, there is nothing more loving than having Bill stay at home and because you do, Bill knows and feels your love for him. My friend did the same and she was the only one with him when he died. Her in-laws even owned a nursing home and it would have been easier for her to keep him there. She made the unselfish decision to keep her husband home with her until the end.
I pray you will find acceptance and peace of mind because you deserve it, Julie.

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@billchitwood

I'm hoping for the same for him. He is sleeping most of the time now. Hospice has the pain and anxiety under control with medications. Such a blessing.
Thanks everyone for your support. It does help so much.

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I'm wishing the best, Julie, for you and Bill, a peaceful transition to the next stage. It hasn't been easy for you. I hope you have some time to breathe.

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@tsc

I'm wishing the best, Julie, for you and Bill, a peaceful transition to the next stage. It hasn't been easy for you. I hope you have some time to breathe.

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In the past two days has been a dramatic downhill change. The hospice nurse this morning said it would probably be a matter of days or hours. This afternoon his breathing has changed and he was showing signs of pain so administered more pain medication. I went to hold his hand and he flinched as if in pain to be touched. The worst for him is that the C-Diff has most likely returned. Only can't give antibiotic pills as he is unresponsive and trouble swallowing. He has been unresponsive since late last night. Sometimes opens his eyes but doesn't seem to recognize anything. Seems strange to be praying for his release. But he would hate going through what he is. And I know there is no chance of his getting better.
Robin wanted to come home from school but I told her to stay as there is nothing she can do and I'm okay. In our family we always did the crying after the emergency was over.
Thanks everyone for thoughts and prayers.

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@billchitwood

In the past two days has been a dramatic downhill change. The hospice nurse this morning said it would probably be a matter of days or hours. This afternoon his breathing has changed and he was showing signs of pain so administered more pain medication. I went to hold his hand and he flinched as if in pain to be touched. The worst for him is that the C-Diff has most likely returned. Only can't give antibiotic pills as he is unresponsive and trouble swallowing. He has been unresponsive since late last night. Sometimes opens his eyes but doesn't seem to recognize anything. Seems strange to be praying for his release. But he would hate going through what he is. And I know there is no chance of his getting better.
Robin wanted to come home from school but I told her to stay as there is nothing she can do and I'm okay. In our family we always did the crying after the emergency was over.
Thanks everyone for thoughts and prayers.

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Julie, Thinking of you and Bill for sure, @billchitwood

Wishing you increased strength, courage, & peace

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Julie, Thinking and praying for a peaceful time for you and Bill. Your strength and love give me hope that when the time comes my husband will be at home with me.

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He loved to move! This time it was to his final home - heaven - sometime during the early morning hours of Friday night. Fortunately we were able to keep him at home. Hospice of the Valley (Phoenix) were wonderful and made everything easy for him and us as well.

Since I always did the packing for all of our moves, I doing the last packing for him as we are donating to charity. He would be pleased.

Thank you everyone.

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@billchitwood

He loved to move! This time it was to his final home - heaven - sometime during the early morning hours of Friday night. Fortunately we were able to keep him at home. Hospice of the Valley (Phoenix) were wonderful and made everything easy for him and us as well.

Since I always did the packing for all of our moves, I doing the last packing for him as we are donating to charity. He would be pleased.

Thank you everyone.

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Dear Julie: May you find peace in knowing that your love, care and determination provided Bill with the best possible transition to heaven. I hope for the best for you and your daughter. Arlene

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@billchitwood

He loved to move! This time it was to his final home - heaven - sometime during the early morning hours of Friday night. Fortunately we were able to keep him at home. Hospice of the Valley (Phoenix) were wonderful and made everything easy for him and us as well.

Since I always did the packing for all of our moves, I doing the last packing for him as we are donating to charity. He would be pleased.

Thank you everyone.

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Julie, I wish you all the best. You and Robin have been with Bill every step of the way through this difficult time. Take care, Teri

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@billchitwood

He loved to move! This time it was to his final home - heaven - sometime during the early morning hours of Friday night. Fortunately we were able to keep him at home. Hospice of the Valley (Phoenix) were wonderful and made everything easy for him and us as well.

Since I always did the packing for all of our moves, I doing the last packing for him as we are donating to charity. He would be pleased.

Thank you everyone.

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Julie
Thinking of you and Robin and wishing you a peaceful and restful Holiday Season. I'll miss your post.
Trisha

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@billchitwood

He loved to move! This time it was to his final home - heaven - sometime during the early morning hours of Friday night. Fortunately we were able to keep him at home. Hospice of the Valley (Phoenix) were wonderful and made everything easy for him and us as well.

Since I always did the packing for all of our moves, I doing the last packing for him as we are donating to charity. He would be pleased.

Thank you everyone.

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Dear Julia - I wish you peace and comfort. Bill's journey has ended, but your has just entered the next chapter. You have done everything for Bill, even through his most difficult days and hours. What a precious gift, and I know that under all his confusion and anxiety, he appreciated your presence. I had been praying for him and you, and watching for your posts - but fell off the radar this past week.

Now it is time for you and Robin to rest and recuperate. As you travel this next step of the journey, I am still here to listen and care. Please take your time, rest easy in your faith, and embrace your family.
Sue

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