Lifelong Struggle with Depression, Feeling Lonely with It

Dear Firstwag:
Welcome! We are all here with much the same problems & feelings & all here for each other. If by in patient treatment you mean hospitalization, I have been there several times. Most of my earlier experiences were less than helpful, felt like jail & punishment. A few were helpful, I think, though I can't imagine what would induce me to go again, at least not here. I am sure there are better facilities elsewhere. I live in Northern Alberta, Canada & mental health resources are limited up here. Wish we all had the Mayo Clinic available. However, if you are suicidal, by all means get to a psychiatric ward now!
That's my take on my experience. I have had depression even in childhood & been in hell sometimes. I've made a lot of bad choices because of it & brought more misery on myself. I do have a very good Dr. now & she has treated me now for 5 yrs, & I feel much better than I have in my whole life! Trying not to be afraid it won't last.
My Motto: KEEP ON DANCING.
With love & hope for you
Xin
P.S. Do you think I "talk" too much??"

Hi Xin thanks for your input and no u don't talk too much ... lol ....... I just don't know what else to do other than hospitalization to get on something that will help with the agoraphobia my office visits are very few and far between and I need a place to not have the family input in every move i make thinking they are helping when actually they are making it worse ... I know i can be a burden to them and i dont want that ..

Hi Firstwag:
By all means give hospitalization a try. Family probably means well but they don't have the training & are too close to be objective even if they did. AND you are not a burden!! Depression does that to your mind - makes you feel bad about yourself - its part of the illness. Hey, just because I found our facility mediocre, doesn't mean you will have the same experience. I didn't mean to turn you off the idea. In your case, I would check right in!! You can check out if you don't find it helpful. (Just thought I'd let you know that I take Cymbalta. I have tried almost every other anti- depressant & this is working the best for me. Of course, everyone is different so this is not advice, just info!)
Hope you get good, good help. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
Luv & best wishes
Xin
P.S. I'm still dancin'; hope it lasts. Hope you get to dance real soon.

Hi firstwag and welcome to our community. I'm sorry that things are not going okay for you at the present time. Xin is right that we do no how you feel and rememer that you are not alone and there as so many of us who care and who are here for you. You know that I think that when we have times like this we just have to take little fairy steps one at a time. Life can be challenging but we all have to rely on our inner strength to help us through. You have to follow your heart when it comes to doing the right things for you. I have suffered anxiety from a very young age and depression later in my life. It can be quite a rollercoaster ride at times. We have to be thankful for the good days and try to forget the not so good ones. You do as you know have to be helped with your agrophobia so if going into hospital for a little while will help well that's okay. You have to put what is best for you first. Take care my sweetie Always here anytime if you need me Piglit

Just joined the community here, but would like to encourage you in your battle with depression. I come from a family where almost every member suffers with some form of depression. I myself have been hospitalized--more than once!-- and found that to be successful for me. My meds were carefully monitored and "tweaked" as necessary. Then, too, I was referred to mental counseling which in itself was good for me. Currently, I do not see anyone regularly for depression, but my spouse and close friends know about my "clinical depression" and it is not an issue for any of us. My son, on the other hand, has had similar experiences, and after about 30 yrs is now seeing more bright days than not! (Yeah!) Depression carries its own stigma, but we who have the illness can do ourselves a favor by paying attention to ourselves in all facets of our lives, asking for help, demanding it when necessary, and by doing what is best for our well being. I'd say "good luck," but luck has very little to do with it!

China, How are you doing? It has been a year and so many changes can occur. My prayers and thoughts are with you.