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xin

Depression

Posted by @xin in Mental Health, Mar 30, 2012

Just want to talk with others who have had a lif long struggle with depression. Feeling quite lonely with it. I know others who seem to have overcome it completely. I have certainly had some good times but also countless recurrences. Very discouraging!
Xin

Tags: mental health

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marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Mar 30, 2012

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren't we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing....
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

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xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 3, 2012

Dear marylynette: Sounds like you have a great deal more to deal with than I but that you have also found some good supports and ways to cope. Don't know what DID is? I too keep a journal, but I find I'm really writing the same things over and over. I guess it is a way to vent. Yes depression is a greatly misunderstood disease and the nature of it is to rob one of self esteem and make you feel like a loser and a failure so that you could almost believe what some think - that it is a character weakness and that you should just be able to rise up & deal with it!! Acceptance is such a barrier for me. I guess I am thinking that their is some magic out there that I just haven't found yet. I shall remember you in my prayers as well. Hope He is listening.

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marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Apr 4, 2012

DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder. It has been a struggle to overcome, and a struggle learning to live in the world with full awareness, but it has been worth it. Remember always that what we are dealing with is an illness, not a weakness anymore than diabetes or fibromyalgia, or a broken bone. I find that I often am writing the same things, but I have learned that it is my way of working through issues. Lately I have been neglegent in my journaling because the depression has been so very debiliating. I am hoping that I will find the energy to get back to it soon. You needn't hope He is listening, you may know for a certainty that He knows all that you are going through, and feels your pain...and loves you very very much. He hears, he cares, and He is always near. I look back on my life and realize that more often than not there is only one set of footprints......and they are not mine. marylynette

xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 4, 2012

Thanks for filling me in on DID. I can only imagine the distress of it. Hope that it is now in your past. Thanks for your words of encouragement. So good to communicate with someone who understands from experience the devastation of depression. Together we can make a great difference for each other. BLESSINGS!!

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 5, 2012

Hi Xin, I have struggled with aniexty from and young age, depression later in life. It sure is not a good feeling when you are feeling lonely. I always try to keep positive and my inner strenght whidh we all have within is helps and alot of faith, We have such a great support group here and it is wonderul that we can all be there for each other. There are many downs with depression but the ups overide them in time. Take care Piglit

xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 15, 2012

Greetings Piglet! From the GREAT WHITE NORTH! Snowed all day yesterday & night & night before & most of the day. This is the most we have had all winter. This is April 14th! It is supposedly spring now. Not great for depressives. No sun makes an even darker mood. I don't know if we all find that dull days affect us that way?? Not finding the Cymbalta helping much yet. How long oh Lord?? It is good to just vent on line here & not have to try & put on The Act. ("How are you?" " Oh fine, fine & you? . . . .etc, etc,) Big fake smile & the small talk. But of course, one can't be bleeding on people. Even the ones that really care get tired of hearing the same old sighs, I'm sure. I am tired of myself, for goodness sake!! Enough whining! Hope yall feelin' betta, now, ya hear!?!

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 15, 2012

Hi Xin, Nice to hear from you. I.m lucky we have sunshine at the moment. I'm okay thanks. You know that this is a great support group and you should never really feel that any of us get tired of hearing about how each other are. The beauty of this is that we don't have to put on a fake smile etc. We accept each other for who we are and are no way judgemental of each other and our feelings. I know that I never get tired of hearing the same old thing. We are all here to understand, care and listen to each other. Hope your meds work for you soon, Keep positive it always helps. Talk soon Piglit

xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 15, 2012

Thanks Piglit: Good to hear from you too! Just really going thru DEATH VALLEY lately. Finding it impossible to "get a grip". Just need to keep reaching to anyone who will listen & hold my hand. Hard to find anything hopeful in my life now or in the future. Please keep talking to me everyone. Is life really worth living? So what if we feed the hungry, clothe the naked; shelter the homeless and do all manner of good things. We are all going to SUFFER & die in the end. Probably the sooner, the better before we start to have expectations. Sorry for all this Piglit; I'm probably dragging you down with me.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 16, 2012

Hi xin, Don't ever think that you are dragging me down. Your not. Listen to Momentum his words are so true . He is a very wise person, and has lived through so many experiences, we can learn from his words, He is also a very dear friend of mine. We are both here for you. You know it is good to get out, we all need to leave the isolation of the four walls. There is a world out there. Sometimes when things get on top of us we just have to try to be a bit stronger. I always say that we have to spread our wings and fly a litttle more. Have expectations in your life. Dreams are always possible we just have to follow them sometimes. You know I have been through up and downs too as Momentum and many others. We just have to realize that the challenges that sometimes are put in front of us somehow in the end make us stronger. Look back on things that you have gone through and I.m sure theres positivity somewhere in there. I am here for you as is Momentum we can talk and listen, help as much as we can. But at the end of the day Sweetie, you also have to help yourself a little along the way., we all do Take care here if you need me Piglit

mainelady

Posted by @mainelady, Mar 30, 2012

I also struggle with depression. I lose my appetite and need to take ambien to help me sleep. Do you take an antidepressant? I just started taking 20 mg of paxil a few weeks ago. You may want to have your vitamin D levels checked since mine was very low and can affect you. I look forward to hearing from you and know you are not alone.

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xin

Posted by @xin, Mar 30, 2012

Thank you mainelady. I have tried a lot of different medications over the years. When I felt better for a while, I would either be taken off of them or quit on my own. My family Dr. always advised that I should probably take an antidepressant for the rest of my life. I have a new psychiatrist and she says the same thing! Says that a long standing depression like mine cannot be "cured" but symptoms can be ntreated. She is putting me on Cymbalta. Hope it works

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Posted by Anonymous-3f367f8c, Apr 3, 2012

so, so hard for you. Please take or try to take one day at a time. Surround yourself with upbeat people and get involved with volunteer work. Once you find something you really love to do, e.g. gardening, etc., you will look forward to each day. God bless you.

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xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 3, 2012

Dear Anonymous: Thank you for your response. Depression just won't let one realize one's blessings. One just sees "Doom, Defeat & Despair". I do have some perfectly dear, dear freinds and without them I would probably not be here. Spring will be a great mood lifter, at least mostly it does and I'm anxious to get some garden dirt under my fingernails; to be able to sit on the swing on my deck and watch the flowers grow and hear rhe birds. (Always - anytime but now and anyplace but here!) I have started a new anti-depressant, Cymbalta, which,if it helps, my psychiatrist recommends I stay on for the rest of my life. She says a life-long depression like mine cannot be "cured" but with the right medication and if I am at last worked through an early PTSD with therapists who specialize in this, I may finally get some lasting relief. LET US PRAY!!

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Posted by Anonymous-3f367f8c, Apr 10, 2012

Dear Xin: Yes, LET US PRAY. I certainly will remember you in my prayers. Believe me, answers come. So, try to stay well. God Bless.

azure

Posted by @azure, Apr 4, 2012

Xin, I'm sorry your also going through this. Like marylynette said, you are not alone. I'm suffering also. As I type this I'm in tears. Feeling alone is one the most awful feelings. My friends are scattering. Who wants to hear your problems...they have their own. My Husband is supportive...amazing he is still here. Just waiting for him to get sick of me too. I hope you feel better. I really do. I wish this would stop and we could have 'normal' lives. I wish that for everyone. I don't see me getting better. Everyday I'm worse...I'm desperate. Scared. Hopeless. Anxiety is off the charts. I don't know what to do. Are you any better?

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xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 4, 2012

Dear Azure: I hear you! And here is a great big hug!! They say that love is not enough, but it sure helps. Please, please don't give up, we are all in this together and think of us all holding hands and keeping one another from falling as each one of us goes through our dark nights. More to you later. Blessings.

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 5, 2012

Hi Azure. So sorry to hear your so upset. It is not a great feeling to feel alone. I used to feel the same way about my husband and he is still with me thirty years on. Just take one day at a time. Anxiety levels will elevate the more upset you get. Try not to be too scared, and hopeless, everything will be okay. You know when I feel like you do I try to think of things that make me feel a liitle happy. Walking and open spaces are good if you are feeling high in anxiety, going for a coffee. Try my dear to focus on someone anything apart from the way that you are feeling, it only has to be for a while, You know there is nothing wrong with having a good cry every know and again.it helps sometimes
Remember my sweet, that you are not alone I am here for you as are other members in our community, Just talk to us and we will help anyway we can. I know what you are feelingI am know 55 years old and have anxiety since I was very young and depression came later for me. Think positive and rely on your inner strength and the support that you have around you in us. Let me know how you are Talk soon Piglit

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roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 7, 2012

Hi
Welcome and know that you're not alone. I have dealt with depression all my life. Although, I have been able to function until last year and present well inside I was broken and no medications helped until Remeron and then ECT.
Life is difficult for everyone but living with depression can be so difficult at times and when you ad other elements like migraines and insomnia oh boy it can be a struggle.
Try being good to yourself and finding things to do when you're not feeling your best even if you have to force yourself.
Try to have a good day & remember we are all in this together.
God bless
Rox

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iraku

Posted by @iraku, Apr 17, 2012

Yes it's a yoyo game that get you up and down. The loneliness itself causes much trouble for everybody let alone someone who had depression. Talking isn't really helping us if there is no understanding and compassion involved.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 17, 2012

Hi compassion, understanding, caring and just to have someone/people who will listen is so important. Its has always been like being on a rollercoaster ride for me up and down for many years. Talking is a great way to release the way you feel, you will always find that I have good listening ears as so do others . Take care Piglit

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iraku

Posted by @iraku, Apr 17, 2012

Hi Piglit, I am glad to found this place! Thank you for your support.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 17, 2012

I am glad that I found this place too I joined in January and my life has changed alot since then. Take care will talk soon Piglit By the way honoured to be your friend

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roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 18, 2012

We are here to support each other so don't feel like you're bringing anyone down. Xin, Piglit is absolutely right ...

shirland85

Posted by @shirland85, Apr 18, 2012

So how do you handle depression when your best friend dies ?
My husband of 26 years passed away from brain cancer. Now that he is gone, I have no one that understands me. Although I am constantly surrounded by family and friends, I'm still alone. Everyone says they understand but they don't. I am just here, I feel like a machine, I go through the motions but have no feelings anymore.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 18, 2012

Hi Shirland85. So sorry that you are so sad. You know sweetie, that's it's expected for you to feel like this as you know you are greiving, we all feel numb. When we loose someone as you have we do feel lost and alone. Also my dear your body becomes tired as well as this just adds to the way you feel. With grief allow yourself the time and it is a slow process, take one day at a time. Remember the loving times that you had with your wonderful husband, and you will gain strenght from this. I work as an aged care worker I work with people who have high care needs, so I fully understand where you are coming from and how you feel, as I have daily experience working in families who have been carers for thei loved ones. I am here anytime that you need to talk and I will help you in anyway I can. Remember sweetie that you are not alone. I am here as others in the community are, we have a wonderful support group here. You also have family, friends surrrounding you too that love and care
Take care my dear your in my thoughts Piglit.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 20, 2012

Hi Shirland,
I lost a dear friend to suicide, my favorite grandfather died when I was little from a massive heart attack (he protected me) and my favorite grandmother died 3 weeks ago after falling and hitting her head and docs could not do much because she was 96. Her age at the time of death didn't matter but what did matter was that for the first few years of my life she helped raise me because my mom had me so young.
I'm sorry for your profound loss which must have left you with such a void. When we lose someone who shielded and loved us for us there's a sense of losing a huge part of our very being. Unless you have felt this emptiness it's hard to understand but it does not mean that others don't care.
This is the best time for you to allow others the opportunity to help you process your loss and in time fill that void.
Easier said than done I know. You are grieving and everyone grieves at their own pace. I try to remember my loved one's by the impact they had on me. Memories can be beautiful and so I hold onto them.
You will be ok. Perhaps not today or tomorrow but you will be ok because he would want that for you. You take your time and allow the feelings to surface and make sure you have someone in addition to your friends here that you can talk to.
Stages of grief are normal my friend and grief counselors can be helpful.
Here if you need me..
Roxie

tramara1

Posted by @tramara1, Apr 19, 2012

I have never been in this type of setting before...but I really like the encouragement that is being given to those sharing..I have suffered with depression since before gradeschool..I was raised in a alcoholic household..mom and dad were both alchoholics at one time...mom quit dad never quite..a stroke took him out 15 years ago..in 2001 or so my mom had to come to live with me..shhe developed dementia/Alzheimers....out of 10 kids only 2 were not drug/alcoholics..Ihad to place mom in nursing facility in fall of 2008..due to inability to swallow and wandering....I had a fulltime job,,,nevermind my being only caregiver all those years before..mom died in Oct 2010..She is missed deeply..The whole family has now turned there backs on me and blame me for her death,..

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 19, 2012

Hi Tramara 1. Welcome to our community, we do have a good support network here, So sorry for what you have endured over the years. We all have challenges don't we, some are harder than others. I work aged care worker I work with people in the community with high care needs. I specialized in dementia. Don't ever think that you are to blame in anyway for your Mum, You know there comes a time with Alheimers that they can't swallow and many do wander. They then need to be placed and cared for in a safe environment. You will miss her deeply, live on the wonderful memories. Am here if you need to talk at anytime. Take care Piglit

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tramara1

Posted by @tramara1, Apr 19, 2012

Thank you so much for your words of comfort..

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 19, 2012

No worrries. Always here if you need to talk. Will keep in touch Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 20, 2012

Hi Tramara,
Thank you for sharing your story too. This site can be helpful in so many ways: support, friends, commonality but more importantly knowing that we can identify with what others have and are going through. Feeling alone and feeling like no one understands your pain can be so challenging. This site has helped me immensely because people are caring and compassionate.
I wish no one had to endure what many of us have but at least we have each other and in a positive way we give each other hope!
Take good care & we are here for you.
Roxie

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roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 20, 2012

Hi Xin,
How are you holding up? Just wanted to check in and say hi..
Try to have a better day.
Rox

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 20, 2012

Hi Xin, You have been in my thoughts too, andI have been wondering how things have been going. Take care Here ifyou need me. Piglit

xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 22, 2012

Dear Roxie: I like your picture. You look pretty & young. I used to be young & good looking, now I am just good looking!! Bad joke & you've probably heard it before. I wish I could tell you something good but the truth is worse than you can imagine. I will hang in until my daughter & daughter-in-law are over their health problems. I must be strong for now although inwardly I am hollow.
Sincerely hope your future is not so bleak.
Xjn

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 22, 2012

Hi xin. How are things going. Its okay to feel a bit down at times. Then my way of dealing with down days is that tommorrow is another and ususallly is brighter. Stay strong me dear friend. I am always here if you need me as is others in the community. You can also contact me privatley too if you need to Talk soon Piglit Sometimes we all have that empty feeling, try to think of something that makes you happy. Mine is butterflies. You may be surprised it may help

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 22, 2012

Dear Xin,
Thank you for the compliment. The picture is very old. I'm much older now and that bright smile is not as frequent. I posted this picture because it reminds me of a carefree time in my life and the depression and anxiety were not as intense.
Honey we have to live for today....One. day at a time because tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Depression is horrible and makes a person feel lonely and hopeless but Xin you're not alone because you have us and we care about you and want you to get better.
Are you telling your doctor and counselor how hopeless you're feeling? If you're not feeling better and you're in treatment let them know how you feel please. Sometimes certain medication's can make one feel even worse. So, it's important to let them know.
Try to hang in there with us. We are all diagnosed with something and we are working hard to recover and live meaningful and fulfilling lives and so we are working on these things in hopes that today will be a better day than yesterday.
We are here for you whenever you need us so please don't feel alone.
In my thoughts my dear friend,
Roxie 🙂

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 22, 2012

Hi xin, Please listen to Roxie's kindand wise words we are here for you and you are not alone. We are here for you sweetie all you have to do is to reach out. We understand how you are feeling and we do so want you to get better. Take care my dear friend and remember that you are in my thoughts. Piglit

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klockwood

Posted by @klockwood, Apr 24, 2012

Hello! I know exactly how you feel. Have had depression most of my life...

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klockwood

Posted by @klockwood, Apr 24, 2012

Have u been diagnosed? Hope u have good support...

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roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 28, 2012

Hi Xin,
How are you feeling? We are thinking of you.
Take care

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xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 28, 2012

Hi Roxie,
Nice to see a response in my mail. I still feel pretty despondent, although not so desparately STRANGLED by it. Just chugging along in the quiet dullness, waiting for heaven knows what. No matter what EFFORT I put forward, it makes no difference. I am still hollow & dark inside. I go through the motions even though everything seems so meaningless. Even the beautiful & the loving makes me weep~!!!
Gosh, I sure hope things are brighter for you!! (& me maybe someday, "somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue & dreams really do come true").
Love y'all for putting up with me.
Xin

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 29, 2012

Hi xin. Sorry that your still going through the downs more than ups. Stay positive and stay strong. Things will get better for you you just have to believe that they will and also in yourself. I have always been a beleiver in following our dreams, and your never know one of yours may come true soon for you. Take care my dear friend
Here if you need me anytime Love back to you too Piglit

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xin

Posted by @xin, Apr 29, 2012

Piglit, my dear!
Thank you for hearing & LISTENING! Your kind thoughts & wishes are appreciated ~ nay TREASURED. It is a beautuful,warm (at last looks like spring) day. That helps. Got to get out the barbecue & make burnt offerings to the sun god. Summer & sunshine is always a better time for all of us don't you think? I am here for you too sweetie. Here's to the GOOD TIMES!!!
Hugs
Xin

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 29, 2012

Hi Xin. thanks for your kind words. I have just returned to work and am struggling a bit, and it so helps to know that your are here for me as I am for you. Hope you enjoyed the barbeque one of my favourite things. Take care Big Hugs Back x0 Piglit

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belle23

Posted by @belle23, May 1, 2012

Hey everyone..ive been suffering depression for about 4 years now i also have insomnia, parasomnia, ADHD, and im just overall mentally unstable. ive tried comitting suicide twice, once from ODing and once walking in front of a car at abourlt 50mph. obviously both were failures. i also think im a compulsive liar, and also have serious trust issues, which sucks in relationships as u could imagine. i cut myself about 4 times a week. i waver between anorexia and bulimia, right now im bulimic. i smoke cigarettes and i might be an alcoholic. practically nobody knows about any of this, my whole family thinks im the perfect child, and expectations have always been high, im first born. all of this is hiding behind a fake smile 24/7 which i guess isnt good for me but im so used to it, it doesnt seem to matter anymore. so thats my story. please respond (; oh yeah and im 14 years old.

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piglit

Posted by @piglit, May 1, 2012

Hi Belle 23. Welcome my dear. You have got alot going on at 14years my sweet. May I ask the reason for your depression. If not that's fine we'll just talk if you feel more comfortable. My name is Piglit and I'm 54years old. I have suffered anxiety from a very young age and depression a little later in my life. You are so young and have the rest of your life in front of you my dear. You need to adress the things that are worrying you to cause you to have the issues of suicide thoughts, buliminia, the drinking. cutting yourself , smoking etc. You know that none of us are perfect in this life and we are all faced with different situations that can cause upset within ourselves. But it doesn't mean that we can't talk and get help with things. Your not crazy my dear I worked for many years with children, with OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, asphergers just to name a few. A condition doesn't label you are your own person as we all are. You have many interests, and you need to rely on the ones that make you feel good, happy within yourself. It would be good as you have mentioned that you haven't made an appoinment with Mayo as yet to do so. Alll of us here me included have spoken to someone for guidance in our lives. That's what helps have to gain strength and also gives us knowledge to learn about the things that are troubling us. Anyway my sweet I am here if you need to talk and have someone to listen, Take care my dear Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, May 1, 2012

Are you ok? A little worried about you.
Rox

china

Posted by @china, May 7, 2012

Ur not alone in this battle.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, May 26, 2012

I struggle with the same Xin. What's refreshing is that we now have each other ...
Hugs

piglit

Posted by @piglit, May 26, 2012

you both have me too xo

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