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Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012

Depression

Posted by @xin, Mar 30, 2012

Just want to talk with others who have had a lif long struggle with depression. Feeling quite lonely with it. I know others who seem to have overcome it completely. I have certainly had some good times but also countless recurrences. Very discouraging!
Xin

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marylynette
@marylynette

Posts: 55
Joined: Jan 18, 2012
Posted by @marylynette, Mar 30, 2012

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren’t we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing….
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

Liked by Belle23


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Apr 3, 2012

Dear marylynette: Sounds like you have a great deal more to deal with than I but that you have also found some good supports and ways to cope. Don’t know what DID is? I too keep a journal, but I find I’m really writing the same things over and over. I guess it is a way to vent. Yes depression is a greatly misunderstood disease and the nature of it is to rob one of self esteem and make you feel like a loser and a failure so that you could almost believe what some think – that it is a character weakness and that you should just be able to rise up & deal with it!! Acceptance is such a barrier for me. I guess I am thinking that their is some magic out there that I just haven’t found yet. I shall remember you in my prayers as well. Hope He is listening.

Liked by Belle23


marylynette
@marylynette

Posts: 55
Joined: Jan 18, 2012
Posted by @marylynette, Apr 4, 2012

DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder. It has been a struggle to overcome, and a struggle learning to live in the world with full awareness, but it has been worth it. Remember always that what we are dealing with is an illness, not a weakness anymore than diabetes or fibromyalgia, or a broken bone. I find that I often am writing the same things, but I have learned that it is my way of working through issues. Lately I have been neglegent in my journaling because the depression has been so very debiliating. I am hoping that I will find the energy to get back to it soon. You needn’t hope He is listening, you may know for a certainty that He knows all that you are going through, and feels your pain…and loves you very very much. He hears, he cares, and He is always near. I look back on my life and realize that more often than not there is only one set of footprints……and they are not mine. marylynette


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Apr 4, 2012

Thanks for filling me in on DID. I can only imagine the distress of it. Hope that it is now in your past. Thanks for your words of encouragement. So good to communicate with someone who understands from experience the devastation of depression. Together we can make a great difference for each other. BLESSINGS!!


piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, Apr 5, 2012

Hi Xin, I have struggled with aniexty from and young age, depression later in life. It sure is not a good feeling when you are feeling lonely. I always try to keep positive and my inner strenght whidh we all have within is helps and alot of faith, We have such a great support group here and it is wonderul that we can all be there for each other. There are many downs with depression but the ups overide them in time. Take care Piglit


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Apr 15, 2012

Greetings Piglet! From the GREAT WHITE NORTH! Snowed all day yesterday & night & night before & most of the day. This is the most we have had all winter. This is April 14th! It is supposedly spring now. Not great for depressives. No sun makes an even darker mood. I don’t know if we all find that dull days affect us that way?? Not finding the Cymbalta helping much yet. How long oh Lord?? It is good to just vent on line here & not have to try & put on The Act. (“How are you?” ” Oh fine, fine & you? . . . .etc, etc,) Big fake smile & the small talk. But of course, one can’t be bleeding on people. Even the ones that really care get tired of hearing the same old sighs, I’m sure. I am tired of myself, for goodness sake!! Enough whining! Hope yall feelin’ betta, now, ya hear!?!


piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, Apr 15, 2012

Hi Xin, Nice to hear from you. I.m lucky we have sunshine at the moment. I’m okay thanks. You know that this is a great support group and you should never really feel that any of us get tired of hearing about how each other are. The beauty of this is that we don’t have to put on a fake smile etc. We accept each other for who we are and are no way judgemental of each other and our feelings. I know that I never get tired of hearing the same old thing. We are all here to understand, care and listen to each other. Hope your meds work for you soon, Keep positive it always helps. Talk soon Piglit


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Apr 15, 2012

Thanks Piglit: Good to hear from you too! Just really going thru DEATH VALLEY lately. Finding it impossible to “get a grip”. Just need to keep reaching to anyone who will listen & hold my hand. Hard to find anything hopeful in my life now or in the future. Please keep talking to me everyone. Is life really worth living? So what if we feed the hungry, clothe the naked; shelter the homeless and do all manner of good things. We are all going to SUFFER & die in the end. Probably the sooner, the better before we start to have expectations. Sorry for all this Piglit; I’m probably dragging you down with me.


piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, Apr 16, 2012

Hi xin, Don’t ever think that you are dragging me down. Your not. Listen to Momentum his words are so true . He is a very wise person, and has lived through so many experiences, we can learn from his words, He is also a very dear friend of mine. We are both here for you. You know it is good to get out, we all need to leave the isolation of the four walls. There is a world out there. Sometimes when things get on top of us we just have to try to be a bit stronger. I always say that we have to spread our wings and fly a litttle more. Have expectations in your life. Dreams are always possible we just have to follow them sometimes. You know I have been through up and downs too as Momentum and many others. We just have to realize that the challenges that sometimes are put in front of us somehow in the end make us stronger. Look back on things that you have gone through and I.m sure theres positivity somewhere in there. I am here for you as is Momentum we can talk and listen, help as much as we can. But at the end of the day Sweetie, you also have to help yourself a little along the way., we all do Take care here if you need me Piglit


mainelady
@mainelady

Posts: 43
Joined: Oct 14, 2011
Posted by @mainelady, Mar 30, 2012

I also struggle with depression. I lose my appetite and need to take ambien to help me sleep. Do you take an antidepressant? I just started taking 20 mg of paxil a few weeks ago. You may want to have your vitamin D levels checked since mine was very low and can affect you. I look forward to hearing from you and know you are not alone.

Liked by Belle23


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Mar 30, 2012

Thank you mainelady. I have tried a lot of different medications over the years. When I felt better for a while, I would either be taken off of them or quit on my own. My family Dr. always advised that I should probably take an antidepressant for the rest of my life. I have a new psychiatrist and she says the same thing! Says that a long standing depression like mine cannot be “cured” but symptoms can be ntreated. She is putting me on Cymbalta. Hope it works

Liked by Belle23


margareto
@margareto

Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posted by @margareto, Apr 3, 2012

so, so hard for you. Please take or try to take one day at a time. Surround yourself with upbeat people and get involved with volunteer work. Once you find something you really love to do, e.g. gardening, etc., you will look forward to each day. God bless you.

Liked by Belle23


Xin
@xin

Posts: 33
Joined: Mar 30, 2012
Posted by @xin, Apr 3, 2012

Dear Anonymous: Thank you for your response. Depression just won’t let one realize one’s blessings. One just sees “Doom, Defeat & Despair”. I do have some perfectly dear, dear freinds and without them I would probably not be here. Spring will be a great mood lifter, at least mostly it does and I’m anxious to get some garden dirt under my fingernails; to be able to sit on the swing on my deck and watch the flowers grow and hear rhe birds. (Always – anytime but now and anyplace but here!) I have started a new anti-depressant, Cymbalta, which,if it helps, my psychiatrist recommends I stay on for the rest of my life. She says a life-long depression like mine cannot be “cured” but with the right medication and if I am at last worked through an early PTSD with therapists who specialize in this, I may finally get some lasting relief. LET US PRAY!!

Liked by Belle23


margareto
@margareto

Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posted by @margareto, Apr 10, 2012

Dear Xin: Yes, LET US PRAY. I certainly will remember you in my prayers. Believe me, answers come. So, try to stay well. God Bless.


Azure
@azure

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posted by @azure, Apr 4, 2012

Xin, I’m sorry your also going through this. Like marylynette said, you are not alone. I’m suffering also. As I type this I’m in tears. Feeling alone is one the most awful feelings. My friends are scattering. Who wants to hear your problems…they have their own. My Husband is supportive…amazing he is still here. Just waiting for him to get sick of me too. I hope you feel better. I really do. I wish this would stop and we could have ‘normal’ lives. I wish that for everyone. I don’t see me getting better. Everyday I’m worse…I’m desperate. Scared. Hopeless. Anxiety is off the charts. I don’t know what to do. Are you any better?

Liked by Belle23

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