How to have relationships while living with depression?

@lilypaws Hey there just checking in to see how your doing in your recovery. Thinking of you and have a blessed day.

Good morning. Was thinking of you and wanted to check to see how you and your husband are doing.

Hi, thanks for checking. No progress. He has now gone 2 weeks of sleeping on the couch (except for Sun church, where he was silent whole time)and essentially no conversation rest of week.. I told him I was lonely, he said sorry I make you feel that way and then silence. He did sit out on the deck yesterday for dinner, monosyllabic answers, then off to check email and back to lay down. Now it is raining so another disincentive to do anything. Sorry to sound so negative. Just so sad i can't see how to turn things around.
How are YOU doing?

@grandmaraines During this pandemic, the weekends are more difficult to handle because of safety concerns and limited as to where to go. Tourists have invaded the area which gives me more concern. These days have to literally force myself to do anything, but managed to make some adjustments to curtains to change the look of a room without any additional costs. So for me that was progress.

Was wondering what do you do to take care of yourself?

I have a long list of projects, short that might take 15 min and long that take setting aside some time each day. Then I pick from the lists and choose what to do, organize by time need and morning, afternoon or evening. Right now gardening is an everyday task but it varies. I try to be very specific (like tie up the tomato that fell in the heavy rain) or dead head the rhood, weed 3 yds of the garden path. So I know there are things I can accomplish each day. I even list things like empty dish washer. It feels good to make the list, cross off things and see I have not wasted my day. I have to DO things and not sit around having a self pity party or watch my husband waste the beautiful day. My day starts with tea and devotions then as I work I pray, not just for us but for family, friends, and requests on the church prayer list. My relaxation is reading. And today I am getting out a puzzle that has been on my list forever- but I must go work in the messy basement for at least an hour.
Definitely take care of yourself because your mental and physical health can only be a help to you and other loved ones.

@marjou Thanks for asking. I'm doing pretty good. My legs are a lot stronger. Really don't need the walker, unless I go outside for a walk. The pain pill mostly keeps my pain under control. I just have to watch that I don't twist, which is so easy to do. Have to wear my brace for 3 to 6 months.. You have a blessed day too.

I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

Hello @stsopoci, your last sentence, "when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979" shows great insight. Good for you! I appreciate your sharing that.

Does your wife understand that?
Even if she understands it, can she handle it?
I would understand cognitively but.. emotionally it would be a mess.

It's good that you realize that you're reacting from something in the past, but are certain words triggering that. Is it possible for you and your wife to use other less triggering words so that she can express herself and not trigger you. Just a thought.