Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

@contentandwell Thanks. The earliest they can get my daughter in is next Tuesday. I was hoping this week but it is what it is I guess. I ended up calling the clinic and they said they left a message for my wife. She had sent me a few emails today asking for help with a problem but didn't mention the appointment even when I mentioned it. Trying not to get upset about that. We will be talking tonight when I head over to mow the lawn.
I talked with the people at the Ketamine clinic and I have an appointment for tomorrow. One of the owners called me and talked to me about the problems I am having and basically said I was in a crisis. He recommended a therapist for me to see but when I called the guy said he would be going on vacation for the next two weeks. I ended up calling the therapist I was seeing before my psychiatrist wanted me to see the woman he worked with. I am hoping she will be able to get me in to talk. I walked passed the office where the new therapist is supposed to be in town and it doesn't look like they have moved in yet. So probably no CBT at this point.
I'm actually doing a little better right now. The anxiety is down and the depression isn't too bad at the moment. It's strange how it has been fluctuating for the last week or so. I think the ketamine is helping again but I am just having too much going on at the moment for it to work completely.
I understand what you mean about being on the verge of tears at work. I was talking with a coworker/friend of mine about what is going on and almost broke down. She has been really supportive and came in to check on me.

@mandrake70 That's too bad that the therapist for your daughter cannot see her until next week. If you haven't asked for her to be put on a waiting list in case an appointment comes available you should call back and mention that. I have found I have often gotten in with doctors sooner than the original appointment. That's too bad too that the therapist that was recommended for you will be away - very frustrating.

I'm glad you are doing better. Every day, or even part of a day, when you can do better is a step forward. I will be thinking of you.
JK

@contentandwell Thanks for the suggestion about the waiting list. I'll call them back and see. Thanks for thinking of me. 🙂

@mandrake70 I understand both the stigma and lack of understanding of depression and other illnesses of the mind. Education is certainly needed. I began to recognize the symptoms of depression in '04, but I realize now that it was there long before that. By '06, I was far enough down in a deep, dark hole that I was attempting suicide. I admitted myself to a nice facility in November of '05, where people who have survived suicide attempts can be in a safe place and get help.

When someone says they are thinking about suicide, it has to be taken seriously, and they need to have someone to talk to who will listen and not minimize the suicidal thoughts.

When our daughter was in high school she told me about her own depression and I think it helped her to know that I definitely understood. I'm glad that our daughter and son always have talked openly with my wife and me. I believe that was really important. Your daughter is blessed to have you in her corner.

It took five years of therapy and medications for me not to have persistent thoughts of suicide, and become more or less stable. I'm afraid that I wasn't much of a husband during that time, and my wife has told me that she thought I should be over it by now. She does understand that mental ill health is just as much an illness as cancer or a broken bone. I think she's just tired of being the wife of a depressed man.

Has your wife talked about depression with a mental health professional? It would probably be helpful to all of you if your family had some education. It might be a good idea for you and your wife and daughter spoke with a counselor together. It was helpful for me and my family.

As for being strong for your daughter - perhaps family counseling would lighten your load. We fathers would do anything for our kids. One important way we can care for them is to model self care. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I think we could reword that to read love yourself as you love your neighbor.

One other thing is that the most effective treatment for depression is the combination of therapy and medications. For many of us, antidepressants will be needed for long term maintenance.

Take care of yourself. Let your daughter know how much you love her, and that you're in this together.

Jim

@jimhd Thanks. I can't get my wife into counseling. She has decided it won't help since it didn't help when we did it 7 years ago. I just got an email back from her saying that our daughter was fine last night and this morning and that she just needed to vent to someone on Monday. I'm worried that my wife isn't taking this as seriously as she should. She was crying at the initial meeting yesterday after our daughter said she had thought about suicide but today she says our daughter was fine and just needed to vent.
My daughter and I have been talking about the ketamine treatments I have been taking and she made a comment about probably needing them at some point. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I have been thinking about medication as well. I will need to see what the therapist thinks after talking to her next week, assuming there isn't a problem with me talking to the therapist. I think it should be OK.
I've been trying to work on self-love for the last few months but it has been difficult. I have some support from a few friends and my mother - I am trying not to burden the kids with how I am doing. And am trying to find a therapist for myself. Waiting to hear back from the last one I called.

@mandrake70 I know that a lot of people try to get a depressed friend or family member to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, another variation on the fake it idea. I was in a NAMI class a couple of years ago, and a woman told us that her boyfriend happened to stop by the night before, just after she had attempted suicide. She would have died if he hadn't shown up. A woman in the group said "suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem." She got pretty angry with me when I spoke up (very out of character for me) and told her and the group that when a person is planning their demise they aren't in a rational mind. Telling her that does no good and is probably counterproductive.

Anyway, I'm very sorry to hear that your wife thinks that your daughter just needed to talk, and is fine today. If you or your daughter had a case of the blues, you could fake happiness and thus feel better. But the blues and major depression are two very different conditions, especially if thoughts about wanting to die accompany it. Major depression, also called chronic or clinical depression, is diagnosed if the depression lasts for more than a few weeks. I don't remember the details but you can Google depression quiz and learn more. Am I right in thinking that you already know that you have major depression? And maybe your daughter?

I was 55 when I first became suicidal and was clinically depressed. It was clear that I wasn't functioning at work, and my family doctor told me that I should retire on SS disability. I put off doing that for six months. We had bought a place two years earlier that we planned to rent out for ten years until I retired. So, when I had to retire two years after buying the home, at least we had a place to live with no mortgage. I said all that to say that I know how hard it is to work when you're unwell. And you have way too much on your plate right now to do it alone. I hope that the therapist is a good fit for you and the same for your daughter.

Gotta get up from my recliner and eat supper. Hang on. As much as you can, take things one at a time.

Jim

@jimhd Thanks. I picked my daughter up this morning and ended up making her lunch and breakfast for her. She was running late and my wife was still upstairs. I know at 15 she can do things for herself but I also understand depression and how it makes doing everything harder. My wife came down while I putting my daughter's lunch together. She said good morning and later told me to have a good day. It's something at least. Maybe we can still work on being friends at least until my daughter goes off to college. I don't know at this point. I think my wife is depressed and she has mentioned seeing the marriage counselor we had seen years ago. I don't understand how she can be depressed and not understand it though.
I know my daughter has major depression because she has said she has had suicidal thoughts for the past two years. I wish she had talked to me earlier or that I had seen the signs but at least she is talking about it now with us. And we are working on getting her help. I am worried about not getting her in until next week but that's the best the clinic can do. I hope she is a good fit for my daughter too. They share the same name so I am hoping that is a good omen. I wonder if she will need medication or if the therapy will be enough for now. I had therapy when I was her age and it didn't help me all that much. I ended up just dealing with the depression and trying to ignore it. I hope that she will get what she needs from the therapy and, if not, then the therapist will help use get her the medication or treatments she needs.
I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in my twenties and have been medicated until recently. I am taking ketamine treatments now and actually have one scheduled for today. My previous psychiatrist diagnosed me as bipolar II and heavily medicated me which truly messed me up. I am pretty sure she misdiagnosed me and screwed me up really bad. I'm still working on getting better from that and have been suffering from insomnia, brain fog, and memory loss. I don't know if I will ever get better. I have an appointment with my general practitioner tomorrow about the insomnia. Something needs to happen since I have been getting around 5 hours or so of sleep some nights, sometimes better, sometimes worse. Even when I do get 6 or so hours, I still feel like I haven't slept well. I don't dream, at least that I remember, so I am not sure if I am getting any restful sleep.

@mandrake70 When you go to your general practitioner, be sure to update them about what is going on in your life. They may have some additional ideas to consider in your situation. It is good to hear your daughter is opening up to you, and I share your hopes that the counselor she will see next week will be a good fit. There are so many pressures on teenagers these days. Until next week, if she feels the need to, perhaps someone at her school can be a person to speak with. There is also 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org. Simply call or text 988. Each person is different in the causes, triggers, and treatment, and finding the right combination can take a while. The first step is realizing you need help. I am working out of a depressive episode myself, but wish i had gone for professional help.
Ginger

@gingerw Thanks Ginger. She doesn't want to talk to the counselor at school. She does talk to a few of her friends who are dealing with depression and anxiety too. My daughter and I have talked about some of the issues that are bothering her at school and in the world in general. She is a very sensitive kid and the world is just messed up. I'm hoping she doesn't end up with the problems like I have. I'm really scared about that.

@mandrake70 It's so good to keep those lines of communication open, especially with a teenager. I think that will go a long way toward her own health, and, I suspect, toward yours, as well.

Have you ever had a sleep study? I'm quite slim, so I don't fit the typical image of someone with sleep apnea, but when I started using a CPAP machine I felt way better. I was so sleep deprived that I slept more than 12 hours the first few weeks. Sleep deprivation can surely affect our mental health.

I hope your wife will follow through with the couple's counseling. Could you talk about your daughter's suicidal thoughts and your concerns for her during the first session?

Medication can be a big help for depression. It took me a while to land on the one that did the job for me. You have to take an antidepressant for six weeks to know if it is working or if the side effects ease up. If one doesn't work and continues to have unacceptable side effects, you move on to the next one. I don't remember how many I tried - it must have been 8 or 10 or more.

Did the psychiatrist explain what he/she based the diagnosis on? I know from the reading I've done that meds for bipolar can have bad effects on someone who isn't bipolar.

I wish you well, Jake, in your search for things that will improve the quality of your life. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Jim