~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

At my age, 75, I have looked for over a year for a part-time job. They don't ask how old you are, but, what they ask is "when did you graduate from college/high school?" …. well, that's not rocket science to figure out. I think they believe everyone my age is sitting in a rocking chair, housedress on, either knitting or gossiping about someone ….. that's how it was when my mother was alive. Well, that just isn't so anymore. Except for having a knee replacement, I'm in excellent health. But of course since everything is now on either Indeed or Glassdoor ….. there's no going in with a resume' for an appt. So then your paper, through Indeed, gets dumped in with all the rest. End of job possibility! I really need money. If it weren't for my son helping me out, I'd never make it. I have to move in June because with the raise in rent, I just can't do it. So, I'm forced to move to a senior apartment, which is fine I guess. At least it's a roof over my head. You can share anytime …. I get it. I only moved down here, from MD, because both of my daughters live down here and they "so wanted me to be here." I should have followed my gut and stayed where I was in MD ….. everything familiar and that I loved and enjoyed is there. But, I guess that's water over the dam now. Take care and pop me a note anytime.
abby

In reading your post today a couple of things come to mind. When I was married and my husband got promoted that required me leaving my job and starting over again in an unfamiliar location. Ugh! Here are a couple of things I tried....temporary jobs, seasonal jobs (summer or Christmas), or volunteering. People get to know you and puts one in a position to what possible job opportunities are becoming available. I live in NM and at one point left to be closer to family. Well that didn't work out as I had hoped and moved back to NM. Nothing in life is perfect, but trying to discover what other viable options out there is definitely a challenge. I went from the corporate environment to babysitting...a big but necessary change in my life. Hope this is helpful.

Abby
Thanks for your writing. It has helped me understand you a little more. Seems like you want to go back MD. Or at least back to the familiar I can understand that. Is there anything you enjoy where your at right now? You have gone through a lot I can tell.

@amberpep - I have read your posts from the beginning and I have a feel for how life is for you. I know you miss MD- have you considered moving back? Seriously considered? I think it’s best to age in familiar surroundings. It may not be the same, but you know and like the place. Finances obviously are difficult. You could live in senior living there too. Start figuring it out. The kids should help you. I don’t think you ever will find enjoyment where you are.
I like the idea of volunteering first, showing you can handle the work involved in that. You will make contacts which can lead to a job. Stay well now!

@amberpep

Hi, Abby. I'm sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I haven't had the energy the past few days even to look at my email. After I did all the annual maintenance on my riding mower, I turned it on but it won't move, and I worked for 2 days on it. My walk behind started right up, so I mowed the back lawn. It was a real challenge because of the pain in my feet from peripheral polyneuropathy. I paid for it. I've spent a lot of time weeding the garden and flower beds, with a lot more weeds to pull.

Yard work, even pulling and digging up weeds, has always been an antidepressant - all except working on equipment. Here in central Oregon the sun has been shining for several weeks, which means I've had to start watering. I put down more than 20 soaker hoses in flower beds, in the orchard, the vegetable garden - everywhere I can put them. They only water the plants, unlike sprinklers, which water everything, including the weeds. Mostly I only use sprinklers on the lawns.

Are you feeling any differently than you did the other day? I know that the covid19 is forcing us to stay home, which is especially hard for those of us who are fighting depression and PTSD and a long list of other illnesses. Do you have a balcony where you can sit and just take in the outdoor healing air? I know about social distancing, but maybe you can find a way to get out. Can you work on your art projects outside?

As I said, the sun is shining here, and that's a big reason we settled here. There's only 14" of annual precipitation, and the winters are cold but sunny. It's been a bit warmer this year, so I'm enjoying having good weather for yard work. I set out the onion sets last week and started harvesting asparagus, which is really early this year.

I'm pretty sure there are things that you can do which help lift your spirits. I'm working on doing that myself.

Gotta go to town for groceries, so I'll be watching for word you this evening.

Jim

Oh how I'd love to move back …. that would be just delightful. When I was there I worked with a dentist, who has since retired and moved to DE. I do not have any idea where they are or their phone number, but if he were still in MD I'm sure he could give me a good recommendation. But, since I don't have that, and at 75, it's like there's a big circle on my back that says "OLD" ….. If I had a job up there, I'd be gone in a flash. Down here, I have absolutely no friends, except my neighbor across the hall (we're in low cost housing), it's unsafe, and I never go out at night. I have not been able to settle in a church, which is important to me. I see a Psychiatrist every 2-3 months for medications, and my therapist once a month, which involves driving from here (Staunton, VA) to Frederick, MD ….. about 3-4 hours. I'm told there's no therapists in this area ….. wow, what a place. I'm not good without friends …. I have one dear girlfriend that I've had for 30 years from my church in MD, and I do talk to her frequently. She's "safe" if you know what I mean. I listen to her hurts and sadnesses also. Since VA is still "confined to our houses" my appt. tomorrow with my Psychiatrist will be on the telephone. I am having trouble with 2 of the meds. I've been using since the beginning, but until I looked all of them up this morning on Mayo, it registered with me. I am very unsteady on my feet, clumsy, dizzy, very unsteady when walking. In fact I have fallen several times, which have upset my girls, but the other night I really took a flying leap. I slipped on a paper, caught my foot in a table on which some things precious to me flew and broke, and hit the floor on my right side - mostly my right cheek and head and hip. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I just laid there and cried. When I got up I laid down and put the ice on my cheek and fell asleep, then got up and went to bed. Yesterday I was feeling just out of it, so I took it easy. Today I'm fine. I hope VA opens up soon ….. if not I'll be able to braid my hair down to my waist!
abby

Oh Abby I feel for you. The side effects of some of these psych meds can be horrendous. At one point I was on lamictal and my body stored up this medication which caused me to lose nerve feeling in my body from waist down! Well I had to taper off that medication and years later and numerous other meds later still have no "magic cure". Am on minimal meds to help me sleep and have somewhat tried to accept the fact that most days will wake up depressed. Try my best to do something and that might be just getting out of bed. No two days are the same. I pray that we all get to some sort of "normalcy" soon and safely, but in the meantime I pray you get better and some sort of resolution about whether or not to move. Blessings!

Hi marjou …...Lamictal is one of the meds. that is giving me trouble and Klonopin is the other. When I read the side effects on the Mayo website they both cause instability, falling, unsteadiness on my feet ….. BINGO! That's me. So when I talk to him this afternoon I'm going to tell him and see what he wants me to do. I've been falling periodically, but the other night I took a "flying leap" caught my foot on a table, fell and in trying to get up fell again, right on the right side of the face - particularly my cheek. I laid on the sofa with my cheek on an icepack and fell asleep. When I got up, I went right to bed. I thought my cheek would be black and blue the next morning but it wasn't ….. but, my eye looks as though someone has punched it. I guess all the blood from the cheek went there. I also have a sore hip, elbow, hand and knee with various cuts and brush burns. I'll talk to him today and see what he wants me to do. I can't continue this way.
aby

Hi Abby- Wow! I had hesitated to mention my experience with Lamictal but glad that I did. That med scared me so much so that I reported my side effects to the FDA. Wishing you well and keeping you in prayer.
marjou

@parus

I'm in the beginning stage of autonomic neuropathy, which is a neuropathy that, among other things, affects balance. I know how frightening it is to feel yourself falling and not able to stop it. I'm not looking forward to the day when I have to start using a cane or walker. I just hope it's still a long time off, but if I need it I'll not deny my need for help.

I hope you'll soon be able to get out and begin your church search. Finding the right one could be a turning point for you. I pray that God will guide you to the church that may best help you.

Jim