~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

@tens4u5125 It's a really challenging place you find yourself in, and I'm sorry that you've been nearly abandoned. I know how difficult it can be to get the right medications and therapy. Do you feel well served by the therapist you're seeing? Because of where I live, there's a rapid turnover of therapists. They all move on to greener pastures $$$

I'm alive today because of some competent, caring doctors and therapists. I'm truly grateful that I have Medicare. Because of our low income, we recently were approved for even more help. We won't have to pay a Medicare premium, or premiums for supplemental insurance. And there's more! Our maximum out of pocket expense will be $3.60. We've been paying up to $75 for meds. I imagine that you would qualify for the same benefits. Do you know someone who could help you through all of this? Maybe through a senior center or a free legal aid. At our age, medical care is a very important part of our lives. I'm confident that there are people who can help you through this difficult time.

Stay in touch.

Jim

@amberpep - You have a dog! What kind? I have two- a Bernese Mountain Dog and a Dachshund. My “babies”. Another positive thing in your life is that you get to see your daughters often. By the way- don’t watch FOX news! Depressing.

Check your local community mental health/behavioral health facility and see if you can get assigned a case manager to assist you. You might need the recommendation from your therapist or psychiatrist to get this started.

@gingerw You can't get ahold of anyone now by phone I need to call a couple of places but no one is there right now frustrating 😒

Some medical offices have a website as an alternate way to contact them by email. Maybe a possibility. Yes it's frustrating, but please don't give up.💮

@maryjou Yes dont give up my Dr,s office has one person in man ing the phones and she gets the message to my Dr.

I don't know how to get to the end of all the posts I've had, so I've just put it here. I hope that's OK. I guess the end is near for this pandemic ..... or at least within the next 9 months or so. Those poor nurses and doctors, the people who set up tents, and everyone involved, should definitely get something very special, whether it's in the form of money, a long vacation, whatever .... I'm sure a lot of them need therapy.
The passed several months have been hell for me ..... I feel like the depression is just swallowing me up ..... it's always one thing after another, ever since I got divorced (I won't go into that now .... it's in here somewhere). I've been living in a low-income apartment, pretty much secluding myself which is typical even in the best of times. I am changing churches so I think I'll have some friends there. Anyhow, I've been here in this apartment for about 2-1/2 years, and now my rent has gone up. I simply cannot pay it, so that means moving. It has gone up by $60, which I know for most people isn't much, but for me, I live on my S.S. and my son who is generous enough to send me money at the beginning of each month, or I wouldn't make it. All of my S.S. goes to my rent now, and it wouldn't be enough with the increase. So, I'm going to have to move to what I call "the old ladies' building" .....(my son says, sort of jokingly, "well Mom what do you think you are?"). They're part of this development and nice, but small. But, I can pay the rent, thankfully. I've put my name on the waiting list for a first floor, 2 bedroom apt.. I could take a 1 bedroom also, but then I couldn't have a girlfriend come down from MD.
I guess we've all had difficult emotions during this pandemic time ..... I guess for me, it's probably about the same as for you all. But, my depression and anxiety have gone wild. It's mostly the depression .... I've actually pictured myself ending everything, but I don't have the guts. I hate living like this and yet I'm afraid to die - all this from a born-again Christian. I've tried to find a job - part-time, but when they see my age, there's some excuse .... I'm 75 and in good health and don't look nearly my age - that's genetic from my Dad. 90% of the jobs are posted on line, on Indeed, Glassdoor or one of those. Then you fill out their form (no interview at that point) and they decide from that - that's where the age comes in. You're out.
I have a Psychiatrist down here for meds., but he doesn't do therapy and believe it or not, there's not a Psychologist down here that does. I have so often wanted to get in the car and go to see my therapist in Frederick, MD. He helped me through an awful lot during 13 years. I have an appointment with him on Friday, via telephone, but it's not the same. He wants to do a video thing, but I can't do that ..... I don't like how I look - ever. I told him that.
I'm sorry, I'm just babbling, but I just feel awful. It's like back several years ago, I felt like I was sitting in a deep dark dirt hole, covered in a cold wet blanket, calling out to people, people would stop, look, and go on their way.
Thanks for listening,
abby

Hello abbey I share your pain you are not along I can assure you that. I suffer from depression and anxiety Hansen been for 25 plus years. If you need to talk please writer back God Bless you vtxnsurf

@amberpep

Depression is, for me, a really hard thing to live with. I've been dealing with it officially for 18 years. I took a dive into that deep, dark hole in 2005, and it took more than 5 years to see any light. I'm a notch away from the hole now but I've learned to expect ups ( not very up) and downs (pretty far down). It's an ongoing journey.

I know from experience the desire to call it quits. I admitted myself to a nice 20 bedroom safe house for people who have attempted suicide back in November of '05. I was a basket case. I wasn't really safe when I checked out of the place, but I wanted to be home for Christmas. With only two slips I'm at the place where the thoughts aren't intrusive anymore.

I retired (at 55) in '06, from the ministry. I know too well the stigma of mental health illnesses in the Christian world. Things that have been said to me about the depression and other issues have been less than helpful. "You need to pray more", and "You need more faith", or the worst one, "The devil is in you". And many other things that show ignorance.

I certainly don't buy into the notion that Christians should never be depressed. We are human beings, subject to every sickness that everyone is.

My therapist closed his office and I see him on Zoom for the duration of the pandemic. It's better than just talking on the phone, but not the same as face to face. I've been seeing the therapists the the hospital provides because they accept Medicare. I didn't like the last one, so I didn't have anyone for 18 months, until I found my current one online. He's the only one I know in private practice who accepts Medicare. I'm still in the get acquainted stage, but we're beginning to dig down to the painful places.

We live on our S. S. checks, too. It's a challenge. Recently somehow we were qualified for other forms of assistance. We don't pay any Medicare premium or premiums for supplemental insurance, and our medications only cost a maximum of $3.60 a month. Some of the meds were costing $80 and more. And we got a jump on EBT, from $16 a month to $300. All of these things will surely make our financial situation a lot less stressful.

I wanted to write more, but it's after midnight and I need my sleep. Hang on. There's beauty all around us, and it costs us nothing. I'll be checking back with you tomorrow evening if I'm not too sore or tired from pulling weeds.

Jim

I can so relate to this pain of depression and the day to day challenges of whatever is normal for us. Then add to the financial stress of trying to keep afloat. I left an abusive home life at 18 yrs of age and 3,000 miles away in order to get a college education and to be the first in my family to try and change the direction of my life. It took me 12 yrs to get college degree while working during the day and proud to say with no college debt, but as I was starting to get better jobs/salary all along depression was sinking it's teeth into my life and has never let go. Hospitalizations, numerous meds that didn't work, failed relationships, forced into SSDI and now in mid 60's and alone. I guess one can say these are the side effects of depression/mental illness. Thank you for sharing your story which allowed me a place to share a bit if mine while alone during these trying times.