How about a laugh, (hopefully)

This old gal rode into the mining town on her mule. She dismounted and tied her mule to the hitchin post. A young gunslinger came out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle in the other. The gunslinger said to the woman prospector "you know how to dance". The old gal said "no I never did care to learn how". The gunslinger said well you are going to learn how now, and started shooting at her feet. To avoid getting her feet shot off she started hopping around. The gunslinger was laughing and emptied his six shooter. He then holstered his gun and turned to go back in the saloon. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard both hammers cocked on a double barrel shotgun. He turned around real slow as white as a ghost. The old gal said "you ever kiss a mules ass". He said "no but I've always wanted too".

Thanks everyone for your jokes, I really appreciate them.
Jake

Little Johnny had a bad habit of passing gas very loudly. When his mother was having the Ladies Lawn Club over she admonished him not to pass gas while the ladies were there. He objected, of course, saying that he could not help himself; they just built up and had to come out. His mother compromised with him and told him that if he could absolutely not help it he should go to the bathroom or just let them gently "slide out."
Mother was on edge all through the Club meeting, but Johnny was a gem and nary a fart was heard. After the ladies left mother praised and thanked Johnny for not passing gas while the ladies were there. Johnny replied by sitting down, removing his boots and shaking them out. Mother asked why he was shaking his boots and Johnny replied, "There's your damn slideouts!"

@2011panc I liked that thanks rofl

Lol That's a good one.
I laughed out loud.
Does. Not happen very often.

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Milwaukee and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my
inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. I'll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said.

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"

"Oh, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York."

"Honey," Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. and I'll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come."

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 24, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents are seated in the front row. The President's dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and whispers, "You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?

The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes, sir, I sure do."

Dad says proudly, "Her brother plays football for the Packers."

@marvinjsturing
Hi Marvin,
That’s a good joke, thanks. Please keep them coming.
Jake

@marvinjsturing Love this. I will have to change the Packers to the Patriots and send it to my husband.
JK

I just don't understand kids these days. It is alarming the way they talk back to their parents. I talked back to my mom once and she grounded me for 2 weeks. The worst part of the whole thing was having to call my wife and explaining to her why I wasn't coming home.

When I was a kid, I once asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, "Yes, you were. But it didn't work out and they sent you back."