How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

@hopeful33250
I hope you got yourself “Turned around” I like puns.

@2011panc
Thanks for your joke, I look 👀 forward to your contributions.
Jake

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Ole is attending a marriage seminar at the Lutheran church down the street. The pastor says, "Ole, you've been married a long time."

"Ya," says Ole. "Coming up on 50 years!"

The pastor asks, "What do you credit your long marriage to?"

Ole says, "I like to surprise Lena from time to time."

"Can you give us an example? " asks the pastor.

"Well," says Ole, "for our 25th anniversary, I brought Lena to the old country to visit family."

"Oh," said the pastor. "And do you have a surprise for her for your 50th anniversary? "

"Ya," says Ole. "I think I'll go back and get her."

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Little Steve was rather outspoken, so his mother talked to him before her ladies group came over to make sure he did not say anything inappropriate. She reviewed things not to talk about like being fat, eating too much, eating with their mouth open, being ugly or homely, etc. When the ladies arrived Steve was the model of tact, but fidgety. He kept going to the door and looking out the window. Finally his mother asked him what he was looking at and he responded, "Nothing" but kept checking the door and window. Finally his mother asked him why he kept going to the door and looking out the window. he responded, "I'm looking for those clowns you said were coming over today."
Lesson: Never say anything in front of your children that you do not want them to repeat!

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@marvinjsturing

Ole is attending a marriage seminar at the Lutheran church down the street. The pastor says, "Ole, you've been married a long time."

"Ya," says Ole. "Coming up on 50 years!"

The pastor asks, "What do you credit your long marriage to?"

Ole says, "I like to surprise Lena from time to time."

"Can you give us an example? " asks the pastor.

"Well," says Ole, "for our 25th anniversary, I brought Lena to the old country to visit family."

"Oh," said the pastor. "And do you have a surprise for her for your 50th anniversary? "

"Ya," says Ole. "I think I'll go back and get her."

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Hahaha 😍

Liked by Leonard

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@2011panc

Little Steve was rather outspoken, so his mother talked to him before her ladies group came over to make sure he did not say anything inappropriate. She reviewed things not to talk about like being fat, eating too much, eating with their mouth open, being ugly or homely, etc. When the ladies arrived Steve was the model of tact, but fidgety. He kept going to the door and looking out the window. Finally his mother asked him what he was looking at and he responded, "Nothing" but kept checking the door and window. Finally his mother asked him why he kept going to the door and looking out the window. he responded, "I'm looking for those clowns you said were coming over today."
Lesson: Never say anything in front of your children that you do not want them to repeat!

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So cute 😂

Liked by Leonard

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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week. So the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem, the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week and begin to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started squawking, "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything about it. After all, it was the Captain's parrot.

One stormy night the ship began to sink, leaving survivors floating in the water. As luck would have it the magician and the parrot found themselves floating on the same piece of wood. The magician and the parrot stared at each other angrily for 3 days and did not say a word.

Finally, on the 4th day, the parrot could not keep quiet any longer and said to the magician, "OK, I give up, where did you put the ship?"

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@hopeful33250

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week. So the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem, the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week and begin to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started squawking, "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything about it. After all, it was the Captain's parrot.

One stormy night the ship began to sink, leaving survivors floating in the water. As luck would have it the magician and the parrot found themselves floating on the same piece of wood. The magician and the parrot stared at each other angrily for 3 days and did not say a word.

Finally, on the 4th day, the parrot could not keep quiet any longer and said to the magician, "OK, I give up, where did you put the ship?"

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@hopeful33250 That was funny I liked that one.

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This old gal rode into the mining town on her mule. She dismounted and tied her mule to the hitchin post. A young gunslinger came out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle in the other. The gunslinger said to the woman prospector "you know how to dance". The old gal said "no I never did care to learn how". The gunslinger said well you are going to learn how now, and started shooting at her feet. To avoid getting her feet shot off she started hopping around. The gunslinger was laughing and emptied his six shooter. He then holstered his gun and turned to go back in the saloon. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard both hammers cocked on a double barrel shotgun. He turned around real slow as white as a ghost. The old gal said "you ever kiss a mules ass". He said "no but I've always wanted too".

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Thanks everyone for your jokes, I really appreciate them.
Jake

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Little Johnny had a bad habit of passing gas very loudly. When his mother was having the Ladies Lawn Club over she admonished him not to pass gas while the ladies were there. He objected, of course, saying that he could not help himself; they just built up and had to come out. His mother compromised with him and told him that if he could absolutely not help it he should go to the bathroom or just let them gently "slide out."
Mother was on edge all through the Club meeting, but Johnny was a gem and nary a fart was heard. After the ladies left mother praised and thanked Johnny for not passing gas while the ladies were there. Johnny replied by sitting down, removing his boots and shaking them out. Mother asked why he was shaking his boots and Johnny replied, "There's your damn slideouts!"

Liked by lioness, Leonard

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@2011panc I liked that thanks rofl

Liked by Leonard

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@jakedduck1

One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euro to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euro to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

But still the fire fighters could not get through.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euro and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
Jake

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Lol That's a good one.
I laughed out loud.
Does. Not happen very often.

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The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Milwaukee and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my
inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. I'll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said.

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"

"Oh, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York."

"Honey," Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. and I'll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come."

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 24, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents are seated in the front row. The President's dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and whispers, "You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?

The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes, sir, I sure do."

Dad says proudly, "Her brother plays football for the Packers."

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@marvinjsturing
Hi Marvin,
That’s a good joke, thanks. Please keep them coming.
Jake

Liked by lioness

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@marvinjsturing

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Milwaukee and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my
inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. I'll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said.

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"

"Oh, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York."

"Honey," Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. and I'll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come."

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 24, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents are seated in the front row. The President's dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and whispers, "You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?

The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes, sir, I sure do."

Dad says proudly, "Her brother plays football for the Packers."

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@marvinjsturing Love this. I will have to change the Packers to the Patriots and send it to my husband.
JK

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