1. < Depression & Anxiety

Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @hodagwi "One of the newspaper Ann Landers type had a survey on whether they would have kids...." + (show)
@hodagwi

One of the newspaper Ann Landers type had a survey on whether they would have kids. Interesting. Over 70% said would have kids. Those that didn't have kids, still liked that decision. Letters to her still discuss that topic and how it fared. Have 4 daughters and would do it again. Wife has 3 daughters and probably wouldn't have kids. Each to his/her own.

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@hodagwi Your last sentence should be etched on stone everywhere! I made my choice at age 14, and at 66 yrs young, I still have people who "get in my face" for being [in their words] selfish, a traitor to womankind, etc.It's truly amazing.
Ginger

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hodagwi | @hodagwi | Feb 16, 2019

present next door neighbors have no kids by choice. I dated an up and coming opera singer in college and she had tubes tied at age 21 and said never regretted it. Married to her singing and career. She is now 71 and is happy with that decision. She never married.

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Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@Parus- I can certainly understand that. I keep my son apprised but he doesn't really know..." + (show)
@merpreb

@Parus- I can certainly understand that. I keep my son apprised but he doesn't really know how I ache inside with PTSD. He knows that I get depressed and he manages my blog but reading or hearing something isn't the same thing. I also had to learn how to be a mother to an adult son. We are much better off now and do still feel left out at times but he doesn't know. We email daily but short stuff or a picture, some small thing that just shows our love.

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@merpreb I do the same with my youngest son. We both love play on words and have fun doing so. Few can understand our cynicism and sarcasm. Our appreciation for one another has grown now that he is a parent. I am proud of him. 😊. I don’t want others to know the darkness of the past. Thanks for being you.

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1 reply
Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@suscros68- hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a..." + (show)
@merpreb

@suscros68- hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a parent to my son. My son and I are on a very friendly basis, phew! But if I give him an inch of too much a friend then I am very uncomfortable. At first I wanted to be his idol and best friend but that wasn't such a bright idea on my part.. He's not my equal as far as age goes. I've lived 26 more years than he has and have had experiences that I would not want him to have. I deserve to be respected. I think that as children get older- more towards 40's see see us more as people too.

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My 3 adult children know I am mom. Once they had their lives they knew I would be supportive if they were in the right and there beside them through hard times. They have learned there are consequences as I have. I love them unconditionally but will not be enabling. A hard thing to do at times. They are all hard working adults. Hard to accept we cannot always protect them. They all know mom is independent as a hog on ice as always. They are as well.

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lioness | @lioness | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @parus "My 3 adult children know I am mom. Once they had their lives they knew I..." + (show)
@parus

My 3 adult children know I am mom. Once they had their lives they knew I would be supportive if they were in the right and there beside them through hard times. They have learned there are consequences as I have. I love them unconditionally but will not be enabling. A hard thing to do at times. They are all hard working adults. Hard to accept we cannot always protect them. They all know mom is independent as a hog on ice as always. They are as well.

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@parus Had to laugh at Hog on Ice never heard of that one

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @parus "@merpreb I do the same with my youngest son. We both love play on words and..." + (show)
@parus

@merpreb I do the same with my youngest son. We both love play on words and have fun doing so. Few can understand our cynicism and sarcasm. Our appreciation for one another has grown now that he is a parent. I am proud of him. 😊. I don’t want others to know the darkness of the past. Thanks for being you.

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@parus you've touched my heart. Thank you

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1 reply
Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@parus you've touched my heart. Thank you" + (show)
@merpreb

@parus you've touched my heart. Thank you

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@merpreb Appreciate all you do and your honesty. Many here contribute so much of themselves. Know the efforts do not go unnoticed. Egads, getting sappy again-also sincere with my words.

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1 reply
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 17, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@hodagwi Your last sentence should be etched on stone everywhere! I made my choice at age..." + (show)
@gingerw

@hodagwi Your last sentence should be etched on stone everywhere! I made my choice at age 14, and at 66 yrs young, I still have people who "get in my face" for being [in their words] selfish, a traitor to womankind, etc.It's truly amazing.
Ginger

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@gingerw- Good morning- Selfish? I would think that the rest of us would be called that. given the state of the world today. What is your response Ginger?

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 17, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@gingerw- Good morning- Selfish? I would think that the rest of us would be called that...." + (show)
@merpreb

@gingerw- Good morning- Selfish? I would think that the rest of us would be called that. given the state of the world today. What is your response Ginger?

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@merpreb I have taken quite a while to think about a response to your question. There are people who have the personality and means to be parents, and there are those who don't. Just because you can physically have a child doesn't mean you should have a child. I think what gets lost in today's society is some people feel that anyone can have a child and raise it successfully. I don't think that having a child just because is enough. And I do hear people often say that they have the right to have a child, whether or not they have the financial or social means to do so. It's a disservice to the child and to society, and is selfish. There are faith communities that promote childbearing but they do not take into account that once again, there are certain people that just should not be parents. Just my humble opinion.
Ginger

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2 replies
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Feb 17, 2019

@ginger I totally agree with you. Absolutely agree. And it's an individual choice that doesn't need anyone elses opinion.

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