Mark,
You are right on target. No I don't think any of us want to mad forever. It does seem like just when your 99% over something and not mad anymore this issue gets repeated. People don't change do they.
Thanks for you thoughts.~Kim

@jimh Thank you for your words. I had not thought of why this ordering people to forgive makes me so crazy. I think you hit on it. It is a judgment by other. "You aren't a real Christian if you don't do what I say". I don't know of many people other than Jesus who could just in a second forgive another human. It comes in stages a piece at a time. If a person forgives you it does little for you. It does for them. So I would benefit from the forgiveness. I actually have forgiven but forgiveness doesn't mean you lay down and be a door mat. If someone is abuse. Yes forgive them, but don't stay there and continue to allow them to abuse you. Allowing the abuse to continue is not forgiveness. Unfortunately a lot of people think that forgiveness means to allow the person who hurt you to keep doing it. Forgiveness is letting go of the hurt in your heart. Bodies heal much faster than our emotional hearts.

@kdawn32, "People don't change do they." I'm wondering about that. We can do as my Dad often said, "Grow up!" OK Dad but it'll be a few years you know. When I stopped drinking I think that was changing some what but my habit changed to drinking coffee so it's the same old me only no whiskey, not drunk, but one doctor was shocked when he asked me how much coffee I drink. I told him about ten cups every day. He went nuts when I told him. "Ten cups?"

kdawn32, I had some extreme hatred for forty years, for what I thought was justified, and one day I knew it had to end. It wasn't my doing... Maybe it just doesn't seem like people change because it takes so long...for me anyway.

So well said, Thanks,
Kathy

@jimhd Regarding forgiveness. Somewhere along my lifeline I learned the phrase, "forgiveness is a virtue -- and a goal"! For me, forgiveness, like love and a decision; it is what I do, not what happens to me. Forgiveness became easier for me when I learned that it is for me, not the one I am forgiving. It eases my mind and helps me let go of the pain associated with that act. As was said to me, "the person you forgive has no difference to their life, they don't care, they may not even admit that they were responsible." I have accepted these ideas and the have eased my emotional and spiritual soul. Thank you for letting me share.

Forgiveness feels so good. Once you practice this you feel so good. I even say I am sorry before person feels offended by me. We cannot begorgiven if we do not forgive.

@jimhd, When I made the last call to Mary I said, "I can't be mad at Mary!" But how about thoroughly disappointed? When you love and trust someone it just boggles the mind when they do something like that. I'm wondering if I'm angry and at the same time I do pray for them...because. I don't know! I guess everything will work out. It's just everything takes so long.
I really feel for all these people on this site who are in pain, lonely and really missing someone or many people. Some have long lists.
Just thinking and wondering.
Take care
Mark

@muppey

I surely don't know everything about forgiveness. I've had to do plenty of it, and others have been gracious to forgive me. Self forgiveness is another subject entirely. I think that's the hardest. And you're right, Mark. Saying the words only takes a few seconds. Moving forward... just getting started takes me time. I'm afraid I get stuck in the process. Depression kinda slows things down.

Holding grudges is no way to live. As long as we hang on to them, we give the other person control over us. Knowing that is enough to make me quicker to forgive some people.

Then there's the notion of forgiving and forgetting. Sometimes it might be a good thing to forget, but sometimes it might be better to remember so we don't let the same thing happen again. Forewarned is forearmed. But remembering doesn't mean harboring anger or bitterness. That eats a person up.

Jim

@jimhd, You said "remembering doesn't mean harboring anger or bitterness." I've been through the everlasting bitterness and don't want to carry any of that for another 40 years. Got a pretty powerful corrective measure over that about 6 years ago and I knew exactly what it was. Also explained this to the VA. One of the nurses followed me into the doctors exam room and asked me for more info about what had happened so I explained as best I could until the doctor came in.
I'll get there I know because I know, that's why.
One day I busted my thumb with a 20 ounce waffled framing hammer. It was funny because I was in a good frame of mind or something. I looked at my thumb and said "OK that didn't hurt." Wrapped it up with a rag and went back to work. Later I told the story to a preacher and he said, "You did not!" Really! Thought I did. I didn't use any profanity, just calm. Isn't always that way. Maybe I can get into a calm way. However if I ever get in contact with her again I won't put up with her jabbing me. Not going to take that any more. I gave to much lee way.

LIke your pic.
Take care, Mark

@muppey

I remember hitting my thumb and finger once, and didn't say anything. A man who was there with me said, "I bet there are times when you wish you weren't a minister!"

Jim