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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
I am so sorry for everyone that lost someone that they loved deeply. My dad has been gone since 2001. God i still miss him so much!! When he died, it was a shock to my whole family. Who would of thought he would die before my mother. My mother passed away three years later. She was in a nursing home for twenty-five years due to a stroke she had. My dad visited her every day come rain or come shine. I still am not over their passing away. They were good people. I still cry sometimes when i think of them and still have vivid dreams about them to this day. It got easier to deal with their loss with the help from my husband Mark who loss his mother a few years ago too. prayers for everyone who loss someone, Trudy
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@muppey. Yes i do love my cat. I had her since she was a kitten. She is now 12 years old and doing well. I do have someone to talk to and someone happens to be my husband of 24 years. He also is my caregiver and best friend. My family if you want to call it that, does not talk to me. Am learning to let go of them and to tell you the truth it is not easy. My husband said people will be people and you cant change that. I always thought you could change people into something better but i guess not. My brothers and sisters will never change and that is something i have to learn. i am getting on with my life and leaving the negative things behind me and my family too. ill survive and hopefully make new and lasting friendships here. Trudy
badboys1986,
Glad you have your husband with you. Maybe you've answered this to someone about why your family is mad at you. That's gotta hurt a lot.
Wasn't getting any email notice's then just thought to look in my spam folder and there were a lot of them. Told my stupid computer not to diss these people as they're some of the nicest I've met, even if it is over the net, don't think that matters any.
Hope you figure this out!
I divert sometimes because I need a little air, that's why I talked about the cats. Never thought I'd ever have a litter in my living room. Videos were pretty funny.
Take care.
Mark
@badboys1965 Just read your post. Latter today I go to my Mom's funeral. It sounds like I have some similar issues as you do with siblings. It is hard to let go even when you want to do so, even when the sibling seems to always hurt you. I thought I was past caring. Last night I tried to make amends with one, but that got shot down. On top of that I got a 30 minute lecture on being a better Christian by forgiving. The person preaching to me jumped to a lot of conclusions. I am blessed that I have at least one non-judgmental brother we have each others back and a niece who also knows how to set others opinions aside. Plus some truly amazing friends. I with the same for you. So glad your husband is supportive. Bless you both and your kitty-cat too.~Kim
Hi Kim,
My condolences to you on your mother's passing. The loss of a parent can sometimes bring out the worst in families (especially if it is the death of the last living parent).
I do hope that all goes reasonably well at your mom's funeral. Will you post again? I would love to hear from you.
Teresa
Thank You Teresa. She was the last one. My Dad died 16 months ago. Mom had dementia for 15 years. Ironically it was the week she passed that 15 years ago she was diagnosed. I had posted under caregivers a lot this past year. That group was so very helpful. Unfortunately it isn't the death of Mom bringing out worst it is kind of SOP. My hoping for something else was my optimism coming out. I'm learning to just let things be, but it can be difficult. Yes I will post again. ~Kim
@kdawn32, Sorry for your loss, Mom's are special.
Mom's funeral was the only thing that got me back to the SF Peninsula in the last 20 years.
I understand the forgiving thing but people think we are magic when it comes to forgiving. It's easy to forgive a casual mishap but not so easy in other situations. That's why I said, "I'll work on forgiving you."
Bet most of us don't want to be mad at anyone forever but things take time. I've made comments such as "I won't be doing that again.", but I do. I've also said that I don't write things in stone, that takes even longer. A heart of stone or of flesh?
Take care!
Mark
Forgiving is a real challenge. It might be over rated and surely is misunderstood. For me, I've found that it's not a one time shot.
A kind of random thought - forgiving is a virtue, but one's spiritual condition isn't gaged by where one is in the process. Forgiving doesn't make a person a better Christian. Anyone who suggests that just might be a less than exemplary Christian. My own opinion.
Jim
@jimhd, Hi Jim, been looking for you and found you by 'looking'. Willie Nelson has a song titled "Forgiving You Was Easy". OK, but is just saying, "I forgive you!" real forgiving. I'm sure Jesus could do it easy enough. When I was working on a problem which I'd already shared with Mary sometimes I'd say, "I'm not God and not that strong. It'll come to me one day but not here yet." Then some light comes and you start the changing process, been there done that and it might take forty years but it will come. You'll be here until the process is done. The number 70 came to me a few months ago. Still wondering about that. Only shared it here and with my brother Mike. I'm 68 in July, just in time for the divorce to be complete. Fun stuff. Probably get the papers on July 9!
Sometimes on little things I'd say, "Sorry about that!" But is it really that easy to forgive some of these things? I said, "I'll work on forgiving you!" I couldn't just say, 'I forgive you!" and that's all there is to it. Doesn't it have to be from the heart? Fake forgiveness is as bad as fake love. That's what I think anyway.
Jim, give me a clue. You seem to know something here. I do know that forgiving is good for both parties, but Mary hasn't even apologized for nothing. I did apologized after I made her cry but I also said for all the grief I'd caused her. They wouldn't answer the phone so it was a message. I know Jon always has his phone and they were all listening because that's what they do, sometimes anyway. Problem was Mary sent me a nasty email. Sometimes she thinks she's being clever as the time when a man said, "Sorry mam." Mary devastated the poor guy by saying, "Don't call me mam." The poor guy just turned and said, "I don't know what to say to women anymore!" Mary did respond and apologize but dang that kind of stuff can ruin your day.
Take care!
Mark
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@badboys1965 Not dismissing your pain but you seem to like your cat. Muppey is my dog's name which Mary now has down in the SF Bay Area. She's a little ten pound poodle mix.
Hi, Iike your cat, got two left from a litter that a momma cat brought to our place. We live in the Sierra Foothills and we've had dogs, cats, two horses, cows, we rounded up as they had escaped or were abandoned, the cats and dogs were mostly lost, but some were abandoned, not all were strays but owners wanted back and they appreciated our connecting them, sometimes through Animal Control or they still had collars. People used to abandon the poor things on French Gulch Rd., I guess because it's easy access from two directions and is isolated.
Anyway the momma cat brought her kittens here I guess she saw our lights or something. In the morning I went outside and could hear the kittens. We gathered them up and contacted this really nice lady in town who was connected with animal rescue. It was great because she took care of all the shots and we kept the kittens in our living room and because I was taking care of them they'd come rushing up to me and I'd have 6 kittens climbing my leg up to my shoulder and it was fun and comical. Found homes for them and we still have two black cats from that litter. They were all potty trained and people thanked us for doing that which made adoption easier for them. I never liked cats before that, but when one pokes his head through a knot hole in the low deck you just have to take care of them.
I'm just writing this because I guess I need a distraction to something fun.
I understand some of what pain your going through and I know it's very difficult. Do you have anyone to talk to? I know most people don't have the patience but some do. There's a song I like a lot..."Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side", '2nd Chapter of Acts' I listen to the Blue album showing on youtube mostly and just before I go to bed. Beautiful music if you're interested.
Mark