1. < Caregivers: Dementia
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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Posted by tryingtimes10 @tryingtimes10, Dec 31, 2024

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 20 hours ago
In reply to @kordahl "@becsbuddy Good Morning - I just joined this group - I've been reading a digging into..." + (show)
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@becsbuddy
Good Morning -
I just joined this group - I've been reading a digging into MCI on my own and have finally scheduled a therapist appointment for myself to figure out how to proceed with loving life with my husband. My question is: how to you approach your spouse about seeing many signs of MCI and that it is a problem in the marriage ????
@kordahl

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@kordahl Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m glad you found this group! I’m going to let the members of this support group answer your questions because they are right in the thick of things right now and I’m not.
I think/hope the therapist will advise you, and the members also, to just take it one day at a time. This is a wonderful group and you won’t be disappointed!

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Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | 19 hours ago
In reply to @debkam "@beverlyhaynes55 Hi Beverly - I am new to this group but the stories sound so like..." + (show)
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@beverlyhaynes55 Hi Beverly - I am new to this group but the stories sound so like me and my husband! Your post especially resonated with me! I am almost 72 and still working full time as an accountant. All my younger siblings are retired, travel and vacation, etc. I am very jealous sometimes. But working is the one thing that keeps me sane. My husband does not have an "official" diagnosis but his forgetfulness, confusion, and mood swings certainly sound like a cognitive disorder beyond just normal aging. My husband has been medically retired for over 20 years, mostly due to mobility issues. He has had a hip and a knee replaced in the last 18 months, which has helped his mobility, but he has other health issues that are a hinderance to traveling. His mental decline is something I have only noticed in the past couple of years, but it is definitely getting worse. I have to admit to feeling like "Cinderella" sometimes, always waiting on him. It's not so bad when he is in a happy mood, but if something sets him off to being onery it is almost unbearable. I am relieved to know I am not alone in this situation.

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@debkam Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! You sound as though you could really use the help that this group can give you. I suggest that you read some of the previous postings that have been made and you’ll get a good idea of how the members of this group work. You will probably hear from some tomorrow.

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kordahl | @kordahl | 9 hours ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@kordahl Perhaps your husband is unable to process his issues because he's cognitively impaired. Some folks..." + (show)
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@kordahl
Perhaps your husband is unable to process his issues because he's cognitively impaired. Some folks have no awareness that they have challenges, it's called anosognosia (you can do a search on this site for more info).
Do you want to start dating and documenting what behaviors are off his normal? That way you can share with medical professionals when they asked what's up and you have 15 minutes, tops.
All the best to you. 🌺

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@judimahoney
Well...that sure was informative!! Thank you so much. I am reading about anosognosia and I do see some of my husbands behavior. Especially denial and mild anger when I approach with my concerns. This information will help me go further down the path -
kordahl

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dianaml | @dianaml | 9 hours ago
In reply to @kordahl "@becsbuddy Good Morning - I just joined this group - I've been reading a digging into..." + (show)
Profile picture for kordahl @kordahl

@becsbuddy
Good Morning -
I just joined this group - I've been reading a digging into MCI on my own and have finally scheduled a therapist appointment for myself to figure out how to proceed with loving life with my husband. My question is: how to you approach your spouse about seeing many signs of MCI and that it is a problem in the marriage ????
@kordahl

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@kordahl everything you say sounds so incredibly familiar. And yes, it affects your marriage, my marriage. We started seeing a therapist together and have been only once but it looks promising. I hope going to a therapist by yourself will help you to better respond to your husband's erratic behaviors. I know how frustrating it can be. There are a lot of people on this thread though who are right there with you. Good luck!

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kordahl | @kordahl | 7 hours ago

Because of this group I approached my husband with MCI - he was receptive because I shared this thread. I think he feels he is not alone. Special guidance the day I read this online --- I see the therapist tomorrow and if needed he said he is willing to go too in the future. This thread gave me courage!!

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wtr2026 | @wtr2026 | 7 hours ago
In reply to @meitsjustme "Please feel free to use this as a "woe is me" site if you need to..." + (show)
Profile picture for meitsjustme @meitsjustme

Please feel free to use this as a "woe is me" site if you need to vent some steam. We're all human, and we've all been there.
My husband seems to be in the same general state as yours with MCI. He has few memories of our lives together, is relatively independent but gets lost, can't work his phone, etc. I'm handling it so far by trying to maintain my other relationships while I'm still free to do so. I know that when his dementia worsens I'll be a lot more limited. I intend to care for him at home as long as possible. So, I walk a few miles a day, exercise a bit with weights at home, and do stretching exercises. Endorphins are good. I try to befriend new people so I'm not so lonely and maintain good relationships with family, but we don't have many relatives nearby. Basically, I suggest exercise and friendships...and this site.

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@meitsjustme Such good advice. I'm trying to get up two hours before my husband wakes and I devote those hours to taking care of my health - including checking in here.

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