Does anyone have tips for communicating with someone with dementia?

@bclane Research has shown that all of our brains are wired to confabulate ( make up things). If something doesn't make sense, we automatically fill in the details from previous experiences or dreams. We believe our confabulation is true. This just occurs more often with dementia people. If it isn't harmful, just listen and nod. It decreases their agitation to speak the scenario aloud and is similar to you telling someone about a bad dream then forgetting the dream.

@defleurs My husband has been fixated on our $$. He asks every day how much we have. We love our financial advisor and he is very patient and kind with my husband. We had an upcoming appt with him so I called him and told him he could talk to me privately about our account. But during our appt I asked him to make it clear to my husband that we have plenty of money to last. My husband was so pleased when we left and hasn't asked since.

@timber2026 That’s great news! I hope it resolves it, but I’d be prepared to deal with him revisiting the issue as if the conversation never happened. Sometimes, it’s like Groundhog Day the movie.

My cousin got scared in her car one day when she couldn’t get out. Neighbors helped her. She handed me the keys and said it’s broke. Get rid of it. She never wanted to drive again. But, my dad was different. He would say he wouldn’t drive, but then he’d want to get the keys….forgetting what he had said. He’d also read bank statements and think there was a mistake. He’d want to go in and meet with bank representative most weeks. He’d forget he had already done that. We kept saying we’d go the next week.

So people handle it differently. Rarely, is it resolved and done, though I certainly hope that for you.

@celia16 Oh, absolutely. I have no doubt it will come up again. As does the dialog each evening of "what time will you be ready to go home?". Then I have to explain we sold our house and live here now. Thank you for your response. It was right on for me. ❤️

With my cousin, I just learned to say yes. Learned not to try to correct or challenge, the answer yes, calmed her down, and she would forget it anyway. Sometimes it's hard to just say yes, but it works.

@1995victoria

Yes!

Yes, this can be really hard, and I think it helps to remember that dementia affects more than just memory. Sometimes a person may hear every word you say but still not be able to understand or act on the instructions the way they used to. I’ve found that keeping things simple and showing rather than explaining can make a difference. Instead of saying where the charger is, you might walk with him to the room and point it out. If he brings something completely different, I wouldn’t make a big issue of correcting him, because he may truly believe he understood you correctly. You could also try leaving short notes or labels around the house, but don’t be discouraged if those don’t always work either. What makes sense to us may not make sense to someone whose brain is processing information differently. More than anything, I think patience and reassurance matter—he is probably trying much harder than it appears from the outside. Communication may look different now, but there are still ways to make him feel understood, safe, and cared for.

Yes my wife has been in memory care since June 15th. Was diagnosed about 5 years ago. All she talks about when I visit is what i drove to the care center so we can take her belongings that she constantly has packed and ready to take home. I have trouble visiting because you can not explain anything to her and that it necessary for her to be there. She constantly talks about wanting something or wanting to do something but very little of what she says makes sense. She can't come up with the correct words to explain what she really wants. It's so difficult to visit her because she talks about it going home and what time we are putting items in the car. I have to sneak out when I leave because it takes one aid to distract her and another to open the lock down door so I can leave without saying goodbye or hugging her before I leave. This is more difficult for me I think than it is for her. I cry a lot while visiting but she doesn't recognize that I am doing that. She is 67 and iam 76. She is healthy otherwise. No one can say how long that she could continue whih this terrible Frontal Temporal Dimentia.

@edj1950 , I understand what you describe. It’s understandable if you curtail your visits. Has her doctor gone over the trajectory of her condition?