Time to move to retirement home?

@danno900
Hi, we toured a facility and there were many different residence buildings of different types: independent, assisted and memory. The assisted and memory care rooms were separate hallways in the buildings, and locked up. So in this case yes, you would be separate but nearby if you were both at that facility and you were in independent living and spouse in assisted or memory care.
I am thinking of putting a deposit to hold a spot for my husband, when caring for him gets beyond my abilities.
All the best to you. 🏝

@kjc48
Hi Karla:
When we recently toured a continuing care facility I felt I was not ready to move there, it just didn't seem like a good fit because most of the residents were a few decades older than us. Since my husband said he liked it there, our scenario may be he's at assisted living and I'm nearby in our home (until I feel like I fit in there).
Who knows how this will all turn out. It's not like we have anything else to do (😒), so we can spend countless hours planning for all sorts of different scenarios, not knowing which direction things will take.
Take it easy. 🤗

@grandmajoan I know what you mean about bowls, platters, forks, spoons, all the duplicate stuff I accumulated. I used to cater so I have so much kitchen stuff. The challenge for us right now, everything got thrown into storage, when we were forced to move out. There's so much stuff packed in, I can't get in, and I'm alone - you're right. My husband isn't helping. I can't put a dumpster out where storage is, so I haven't been able to do anything in those storage areas.
We're in a rental. I've got boxes in here now. And right now, I just have to finish this remodel, get the house on the market. I'm a realtor, so I'm selling it, which is another overload right now for me, get a buyer, go through the closing, and then deal with all the stuff in storage. I have a rental, but all this cost is killing me, so I haven't been able to even look around. I'm just trying to deal with first, the remodel, then the sale, then the buyer/closing, then the storage and finding another place, then transferring it all to the new place, then sorting it with a dumpster and getting rid of alot of it. Maybe that's backwards but I can't figure it out any other way. I might be able to make a dent in two of the storage units, but where' the furniture is crammed, I can't get it any of that! And OMG I have a million cookbooks, that I for whatever reason, can't bring myself to letting them go. So that's my story, but thank you for answering, because your move reminds me, and gives me clarity, on what I need to do. I'm glad I posted this this morning, because it actually gave me some clarity.
Courage, clarity and God's light in helping us through life's challenges.
Best, Karla (PS, I remember you telling me, where did you move? near your adult children, I think).......Wasn't it New York in an apartment where you saw your two daughters, I think? Sorry, if I'm wrong....

@judimahoney Hi Judi! thanks for your response. Yes, I feel like you - I'm just not sure about a continuing care. I had such high hopes, my husband and I would move into another big, beautiful house. Well, that's not going to happen. Maybe a house but a downsized one, which means, all that stuff in storage. OMG. I woke up at 5 o'clock this morning, totally stressed over that too! And every time, the monthly charge gets taken for all of those units, Oh well, there goes another charge. I think I need to find a house, get my things out of storage, get some level of care if and when my husband needs it, and then when I can no longer take care of him, adjust to Plan B, assisted living for him, where I'm in the nearby house (you talk about). I like that plan. I'd love to be near my son, but I would never see them, and I can't picture living in Texas. I know my husband wouldn't like that. The boat is still sitting in the water, even though he never takes that out. Another challenge in trying to figure out what to do with that. He refuses to sell it.
Oh well, I'm rambling this morning, and I never do that.
Best, Karla

@kjc48 Karla, you are juggling so many things and facing so many choices. It is very hard. One option, if youre not ready to make a final decision as to housing might be to move into a rental facility with independent living and assisted living when needed. We did that after we sold our house and were trying to decide what to do next. It gave us time to experience that lifestyle while deciding where to move next. At the same time, we got on a waitlist for a CCRC. After 8 months of also considering a move to be closer to one of our kids, we decided to make the move to the CCRC. It has been a relief to know that assisted living or Memory Care is assured for future needs. Good luck to you!

@judimahoney thank you. I am thinking of putting a deposit as well. The only problem I have is I would feel like I just tossed her into memory care so I could have free time. It seems shameful to me and yet I am still thinking of doing it.

@ret2tus thank you for your thoughtful and timely reply. Yes, it's been quite an ordeal and it takes a lot to move me off my game, which is generally upbeat and positive. It's just been one fiasco after the other with so much debt, and insurance didn't cover any of our issues in the condo. I booked the rental we are in through April, 2027, to give me time to sell my house, close, and then breathe. Even if all that stuff sits in storage and bills out a costly expense each month. I can only do one thing at a time, as you well know, especially with what's going on now, where there is only one person making the decisions. I like your suggestion, and I should start looking at independent living/assisted living facilities. My husband has a boat. That's another additional challenge as he refuses to sell it. So, who knows where that will end up in all of this. Certainly not on dry land or at the facility's parking lot! Another painful, costly thing, added to the mix. I'm glad to hear you are moving to the CCRC and reinforces to me, that at some point, we do make the right decisions. I agree just knowing there's a place called home for us - at an assisted living and Memory Care facility sounds far better than the occasional remote phone call I get from my only son. I love him, but they all seem to be moving so fast in the world of busy. I get it though, at their age, they are working full time, in their prime, young kids in sports, and just trying to live their life. And no one told them either that one or two of their parents might experience memory loss that requires helping the family. Our kids like to think we're super beings where nothing medically ever happens. All good, however, today has been a good day because of all the thoughtful posts I've gotten, helping me navigate this situation. Thanks for your valuable share.
Best, Karla

@kjc48
Hello again. I think I've posted this poem I found on Facebook here before, but it seems appropriate now for all of us feeling overwhelmed:
My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future
or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.

You see?

Advance step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
And then another.

You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.
Author: Elena Mikhalkova

I decided we are moving next year so have started organizing our things into sell, donate or trash piles.
I also enlisted a family friend to help organize the basement full of tools and machinery that have been in a state of suspended animation for over two years.
Once I made the decision to move and downsize, it was a little easier to tackle something I knew would need to be done before we leave.
My therapist suggested I make a list of all the things I would like help with (even if it probably won't happen). It's a start. That way if anyone (shocker!) offers help, you are ready with your list and can give them an assignment that anyone can tackle without you having to be there (since you are so busy with everything else).
Good luck! 🍀

@danno900
You would strike a balance between having her well-cared for, and you being well-cared for. We must strike a balance and vote for ourselves sometimes, put ourselves first and we mustn't feel guilty because we absolutely must be okay, so we can care for our loved ones. Not a news flash, just a reminder for all of us.
Judi 🌼

@kjc48 Karla, the nice thing about the rental option for an independent/assisted living place is that you're typically not locked into a year-long contract. Rents are usually month to month. Of course, there can be waitlists for these places too. That seems to be more and more the case where I live in the Tucson area. May be different elsewhere.