Alcohol is my vice too many evenings. I want to stop.

@trooperdogg1960 I do not have an "off" switch that I have been able to find. If alcohol in any amount enters into my blood stream, it is "on." I do have a choice now! So I guess that could be perceived as an off switch of sorts. Once the sh&t is in my body, I am off to the races and if past experiences (which I believe they are) are indications, I won't stop until I am half dead and desperate. The 12 steps are a great way to live, as you already know.

@gingerw I agree that connection and a group of people that are like minded or even just supportive of me, as a person, human, is powerful.

@diverdown1 The statement that "its on" if any amount of alcohol gets into your bloodstream, is one of many reasons I avoid A.A. The belief you wont stop until you are half dead or desperate is the belief that feeds your dependency on A.A. This dependency is what's known as external locus of control. You have convinced yourself, that without A.A., you are at risk of swallowing a drink of alcohol. And once swallowed, you are powerless over your own destiny. A slave to the demon alcohol. That wasnt the path for me Diver Down. That switch called choice you spoke of. You can develop it. Strengthen it. You can make it yours again. Imagine that. Having the power to choose. The ability to say no. A.A. isnt for me. Living in fear just isnt a way to live. No. The 12 steps is not a great way to live for people like me.

I feel that whatever works best for you is the right way to go, as we all know, everyone is different and what works for you may not be the same thing for someone else. I think that fighting against addiction is a huge challenge for everyone and if you find the right path for yourself, then you’re a winner and a warrior.

Take ozempic or the other one like it. It works.
AA can work great too but it’s not for everyone.

@trooperdogg1960 I completely respect your view, choices, and I am grateful you stopped destroying yourself. I understand the concept and meaning of external locus of control. I have a belief in a spiritual power. It has always been there. I am not dependent on AA, I do however utilize the connection to other people like me whether they are in AA, or just people like you. I am positive that I am not going to drink today. That is ME. That is no one or nothing else. I think that because I mention AA and the principles, which, by the way, are found many other places for millennia, I have somehow led you to believe that AA is my life. It is not. I did stumble into AA several times, 1984, 1990 and so on...I knew of nothing else to help me. I am dealing with Long COVID, which is essentially a disability. I am no longer able to go to many meetings. I still converse with friends I made in AA, so I just wanted to clarify that. Also, for me, if I drink, I know I am powerless over myself. I have proved it over and over and over since the age of 14. I have not convinced myself that AA has anything to do with that. That is my mind and body. I also do have the power to choose, every minute of everyday. That has nothing to do with AA. That is me, my strength and a strength that I have gotten from my beliefs in the connection of everything that is in the Universe. I am not a Big Book Beater, or Old Timer or any of those things. I do, however, believe that AA taught me, an alcoholic of almost 34 years how to grow up, live in this crazy world, accept that I usually have no power over anyone or anything except my own reactions and found some friends that didn't drink and use drugs. I say, if AA works for someone, that is great...it may save their life. If standing on your head in a corner works, do it. Whatever works for a person drinking themselves to death, I say go for it. I am clarifying my words as I felt after your post, that I needed to do that. I am grateful that you put down the vodka. I drank it hot as well. I didn't care about anything except getting drunk (except I did care, deep down, somewhere or I would not be typing this). I am glad you found a path that works. Stay on it and helping others to quit is powerful.

As your middle para tells us your alcohol abuse started after your wife of 31 years left you “out of the blue.” That’s when you did not care whether you “lived or died.”And now even tho u r married with another wife, it matters not with your alcohol abuse.

Hmm…do I hear you are saying my life has no value because another person who lived-and-shared your life is no longer with you. And this is in spite of a life that apparently has nearly everything that most would envy: education, career advancement, incl a stint as mayor -- and gifted children, wonderful grandchildren, and good friends, and of course a new wife.

In spite of all this, you still feel a yawning overpowering void screaming: “Your Life is Worthless!” So you intervene it by reaching for something that will quell this noise, if only momentarily, by drowning you into a state where mind is no longer alert; You Are Drunk.

But are our lives meant only to be what Looks like a good life but maybe is Not Enough. Maybe all good lives want us to feel that We Matter, that we did what was good Beyond our selves or families, and friends. Something for Community, strangers, or country.

Now of course we each come with our unique gifts. Let's just follow Our North Stars. It is in such pursuits we find true intimate gratification. That's when we graciously say good-bye who leave us to follow their paths in One Life we are given. Our children do not belong to us even though they come Through us (mystic, Khalil Jibran). Spouses are no different

Do you see the problem, my dear fellow human?

You can stop drinking by looking at who is control of your life. Alcohol or You.
I tried for years before I stopped to quit and I kept on drinking and wondered why, why, why can’t I stop! When it finally hit me in the face that I should be control of my life I quit! I was now controlling my life, not alcohol. It’s very addicting like many other things in life that YOU can control. Take care of yourself and be in control , you will feel much better when that happens.

Good day,
I somewhat touched on this in another comment I posted about my 25+ year dealing with the disease of Alcoholism. I am 46 and I PRAY I make it to 70. You have a lot going on there. I see that you are not interested in hearing what "alcohol you" has to say anymore? I was in a similar situation, all be it with considerably less lifetime, I make up for it with a decently impressive list of experiences. I too did well in business. FORTUNATLY for me I LOST IT ALL. Yes, I meant to write fortunately. While at the time I thought I wanted to end it all, I found that, for me, I had to lose everything in order for me to find my true self. My wealth had become very large while my self-satisfaction burned out like a candle.
I would tell you one VERY IMPORTANT thing you may be missing in your efforts. While you are extraordinarily successful in the business and "measured success" of this world, you may be lacking the essential tools necessary to change your life with alcohol. It is unlike ANY OTHER toolbox. It is NOT something you come across in any school or business seminar series. It is a core group of life skills that have been ignored and set aside for many individuals. They seem to be much more elusive to Men vs Women. This is not always true, but Men are typically taught to be tough, indestructible, and to NOT show emotion or pain. Even if the lessons learned growing up do allow a man to express himself, it does not necessarily mean he will. We men deal with pain quietly, for the most part.
The tools I am speaking of are what help us to look inside ourselves and see who we really are. Do you look in the mirror and see what everyone else sees or is there a stranger looking back at you? Many times during my alcoholism I did JUST THAT. I would look in the mirror and see a person I REALLY didn't like, AT ALL. As you said "Alcohol is your voice too many evenings.". That is because there is a part of you that you have not "reconciled" with.
These tools help us to look within ourselves and discover which version of yourself portrays the individual you want to be in life. Alcohol opens the podium for everyone to speak at once and turns off the filter. The tools I learned in treatment not only saved my life from alcoholism, but they gave me the gift of learning who I truly am and who I wanted to become. They helped me with "Crowd Control" in my mind. LOL! Now, I am 46 so this is where the longevity or physical age difference may come into question BUT does it really matter when we are talking about finding happiness? In my treatment, not AA, I learned that stopping for a moment here and there each day to consciously check if I am in the best physical location I could be in at that moment in time has allowed me to respond to life rather than react to it. A simple intentional thought at random, usually brought on by a shift in my environment, tells me everything I need to know about myself and how ME should move forward for the rest of the day.
That pause, that moment allows me to see the bigger picture. To see what really matters. Soon I found that those moments began to get closer and closer together in that I began to subconsciously slow my thinking before I did anything to ensure my thoughts and actions lined up to who I want to be. I would suggest starting with a few breathing exercises. It sounds funny to some, but you CAN literally reset chemical production in your brain just by breathing.
I don't know if all this helps but one thing I would tell you is that a mechanic cannot work without a wrench, how do you expect to fix something as complicated as the human mind without the tools. AA gives one the "belief" to follow and shows that it can be done but only in treatment, where I literally had 3 months to work on just MYSELF, did I obtain the tools that have saved my life. Not saying you need treatment but having the ability to consistently think introspectively has saved my relationships with others. It gives the term "treat other's the way you would care to be treated" much more meaning and understanding.

My point: Having all the material things in the world cannot make you understand that Wealth is truly knowing oneself and giving to others of yourself. Prayers to you and your family.
HR