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Alcohol is my vice too many evenings. I want to stop.

Posted by ramjet1 @ramjet1, 6 days ago

My story…I am 70. I’ve been very successful in life as measured by some. I retired from a 35 year career as an executive with a Fortune 500 company. I’ve lived in N. Carolina, Georgia, Texas and California. I have been fortunate to travel to many places during my career and afterwards. After retirement my 2nd wife (more to follow) and I moved back to my hometown after being away for 40 years (college + career). I was asked by the current Mayor of 20+ years to consider running as his replacement. Although I have never had any political ambitions I finally agreed. I have been away from my hometown for ~40 years (college + career) however I won handily. After a very successful 4 year term (I am told) I identified a very qualified and younger replacement and he is doing a great job. I had good parents (passed), amazingly gifted children, 7 wonderful grandkids and good friends.
Then my wife of 31 years out of the blue divorced me after I begged her not to. I have never come close to cheating in my life and truly believed in “until death”. This was the 1st time in my life that I did not care if I lived or died. After giving my soon to be X wife everything that she wanted I found out that she was having an affair with a “best friend”. He even told me that “we” could all still be best friends! Their marriage lasted 11 months.
While I am now blessed to be married to a wonderful woman for over 10 years I have shutdown socially with the exception of my wife and one lifelong friend. Alcohol is my vice too many evenings. I want to stop. Tried AA twice. Alcoholism runs in my family and I grew up surrounded by alcoholic relatives. However I have no one to blame but myself. I feel I need to re-engage with the world. This post is way too long but I hope this site will help me in some way to conquer my demons before it is too late. Thanks for reading, would love to hear from others.

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Profile picture for diverdown1
diverdown1 | @diverdown1 | 1 day ago
In reply to @trooperdogg1960 "@heyjoe415 Hi again. Awareness, interpretation, choice, action, then reinforcement. The 5 steps of agency. Through these..." + (show)
Profile picture for trooperdogg1960 @trooperdogg1960

@heyjoe415 Hi again. Awareness, interpretation, choice, action, then reinforcement.
The 5 steps of agency.
Through these 5 steps, internal locus of control is developed.
Through the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous, external locus of control is developed.
I didnt want that.
I wanted the off switch. Its there. All you have to do is find it.

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@trooperdogg1960 I do not have an "off" switch that I have been able to find. If alcohol in any amount enters into my blood stream, it is "on." I do have a choice now! So I guess that could be perceived as an off switch of sorts. Once the sh&t is in my body, I am off to the races and if past experiences (which I believe they are) are indications, I won't stop until I am half dead and desperate. The 12 steps are a great way to live, as you already know.

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diverdown1 | @diverdown1 | 1 day ago
In reply to @gingerw "@ramjet Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! It takes guts to write out what you did, and..." + (show)
Profile picture for Ginger, Volunteer Mentor @gingerw

@ramjet Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! It takes guts to write out what you did, and post it. That shows to me you really would like to move forward with making changes.

What state of mind does drinking afford you? Is it a distraction? Is it boredom? What would you like to try you haven't done in a long time, or never have done but would be interested in trying? Is there a small group of people with a shared interest that you might like to try? Meeting at a local coffee shop or hamburger place a couple of times a week to "just talk" about anything?

If AA is not feeling comfortable for you, is there a spiritual practice or faith community that you would feel better in? Then try that. Are there Tai Chi Chuan classes in your town? Or check some online classes out on You Tube. Sometimes being able to talk about what is a challenge for you, with a few other people, face-to-face, is a good start. No judging, just sharing experiences. It isn't a "can you top this" kinda thing. Just honest conversation.

Do any of these sound doable to you?
Ginger

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@gingerw I agree that connection and a group of people that are like minded or even just supportive of me, as a person, human, is powerful.

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trooperdogg1960 | @trooperdogg1960 | 1 day ago
In reply to @diverdown1 "@trooperdogg1960 I do not have an "off" switch that I have been able to find. If..." + (show)
Profile picture for diverdown1 @diverdown1

@trooperdogg1960 I do not have an "off" switch that I have been able to find. If alcohol in any amount enters into my blood stream, it is "on." I do have a choice now! So I guess that could be perceived as an off switch of sorts. Once the sh&t is in my body, I am off to the races and if past experiences (which I believe they are) are indications, I won't stop until I am half dead and desperate. The 12 steps are a great way to live, as you already know.

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@diverdown1 The statement that "its on" if any amount of alcohol gets into your bloodstream, is one of many reasons I avoid A.A. The belief you wont stop until you are half dead or desperate is the belief that feeds your dependency on A.A. This dependency is what's known as external locus of control. You have convinced yourself, that without A.A., you are at risk of swallowing a drink of alcohol. And once swallowed, you are powerless over your own destiny. A slave to the demon alcohol. That wasnt the path for me Diver Down. That switch called choice you spoke of. You can develop it. Strengthen it. You can make it yours again. Imagine that. Having the power to choose. The ability to say no. A.A. isnt for me. Living in fear just isnt a way to live. No. The 12 steps is not a great way to live for people like me.

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frouke | @frouke | 1 day ago

I feel that whatever works best for you is the right way to go, as we all know, everyone is different and what works for you may not be the same thing for someone else. I think that fighting against addiction is a huge challenge for everyone and if you find the right path for yourself, then you’re a winner and a warrior.

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laurabamford4015 | @laurabamford4015 | 20 hours ago

Take ozempic or the other one like it. It works.
AA can work great too but it’s not for everyone.

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diverdown1 | @diverdown1 | 9 hours ago
In reply to @trooperdogg1960 "@diverdown1 The statement that "its on" if any amount of alcohol gets into your bloodstream, is..." + (show)
Profile picture for trooperdogg1960 @trooperdogg1960

@diverdown1 The statement that "its on" if any amount of alcohol gets into your bloodstream, is one of many reasons I avoid A.A. The belief you wont stop until you are half dead or desperate is the belief that feeds your dependency on A.A. This dependency is what's known as external locus of control. You have convinced yourself, that without A.A., you are at risk of swallowing a drink of alcohol. And once swallowed, you are powerless over your own destiny. A slave to the demon alcohol. That wasnt the path for me Diver Down. That switch called choice you spoke of. You can develop it. Strengthen it. You can make it yours again. Imagine that. Having the power to choose. The ability to say no. A.A. isnt for me. Living in fear just isnt a way to live. No. The 12 steps is not a great way to live for people like me.

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@trooperdogg1960 I completely respect your view, choices, and I am grateful you stopped destroying yourself. I understand the concept and meaning of external locus of control. I have a belief in a spiritual power. It has always been there. I am not dependent on AA, I do however utilize the connection to other people like me whether they are in AA, or just people like you. I am positive that I am not going to drink today. That is ME. That is no one or nothing else. I think that because I mention AA and the principles, which, by the way, are found many other places for millennia, I have somehow led you to believe that AA is my life. It is not. I did stumble into AA several times, 1984, 1990 and so on...I knew of nothing else to help me. I am dealing with Long COVID, which is essentially a disability. I am no longer able to go to many meetings. I still converse with friends I made in AA, so I just wanted to clarify that. Also, for me, if I drink, I know I am powerless over myself. I have proved it over and over and over since the age of 14. I have not convinced myself that AA has anything to do with that. That is my mind and body. I also do have the power to choose, every minute of everyday. That has nothing to do with AA. That is me, my strength and a strength that I have gotten from my beliefs in the connection of everything that is in the Universe. I am not a Big Book Beater, or Old Timer or any of those things. I do, however, believe that AA taught me, an alcoholic of almost 34 years how to grow up, live in this crazy world, accept that I usually have no power over anyone or anything except my own reactions and found some friends that didn't drink and use drugs. I say, if AA works for someone, that is great...it may save their life. If standing on your head in a corner works, do it. Whatever works for a person drinking themselves to death, I say go for it. I am clarifying my words as I felt after your post, that I needed to do that. I am grateful that you put down the vodka. I drank it hot as well. I didn't care about anything except getting drunk (except I did care, deep down, somewhere or I would not be typing this). I am glad you found a path that works. Stay on it and helping others to quit is powerful.

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