Disliking who they’ve become

@ocdogmom
Upsetting to hear your situation. Glad that you discontinued useless follow ups.

Medical science wants to keep us seeing them. We need to decide what is valuable and what is not.

I value each day. There is always something positive that happened.

I am at peace with the decision to discontinue all non-essential medical visits. I, too, value each day. I feel that the time that is left to us should be spent doing pleasant things like tonight we watched the Dodgers game for about ten minutes. That's about all he can do before he wants to get back in bed. I have a daily schedule on a white dry erase board where I can check off the things I need to do. It lists all the morning "chores" and then all the evening "chores" It helps me remember to do all the things that need to be done. For example in the morning I have to go in and get him out of bed, he won't do this himself (thank God- he can still go to the bathroom on his own) and change his night time disposable underwear to the daytime one. I hand him a soapy washcloth so he can wash his face and hands. Something that he will not do on his own then bring him into the kitchen to give him his breakfast and morning pills. He is an insulin dependent diabetic with an insulin pump which I manage every time he eats. There are similar chores in the evening. At the end of the day, I can look at the board and feel like I did good. Today I went and saw my psychologist for the first time since this whole sh*t show began in 2022. I thought I was keeping it together pretty well but I realized I needed help with the grieving I am doing now. I am going to see her once a week for at least a month to help me get through this grief and also my daughter's wedding on September 12. That will be a positive experience.

@ocdogmom I thought he was doing okay but i was in the bedroom and when I came out he had taken half the graft off and it was bleeding. It’s so annoying but there if nothing more I can do.

@jeanadair123 It is so frustrating to witness this behavior that you know is counterproductive. But I think you are right when you say there is nothing more you can do. I think that we try our best to care for our husbands but there are some things that we just can't control.

I have multiple myeloma. I'm in remission right now, but I don't have the energy to be patient all the time. We get in big shouting matches over small things and it's hard to dial back, especially when I'm really tired. I keep trying to remember something. I learned when my kids were little... "Take your sails out of their wind." That's hard to do; we're both stubborn and used to being "right" in our former lives.