Disliking who they’ve become

Are we an identity? A known factor? Or are we just a hologram, avatar, or projection of a 3 lb. bundle of nerves soaked in transmitters which, when it wears out, the projection slowly fades until it's blank?
Maybe all of this is an illusion, me, you, him her? Everything?
The most brilliant prayer for Yom Kippur, maybe of all of them, is the ancient Unetana Tokef which tells us that this life is a vechalum y' uf, a dream that flies away.
It is both, holding all meaning, because of us, because we are here, and when we are not, there is nothing, no meaning -because the dream has flown away.
I am sorry if this is too harsh or offensive. There are other philosophical/religious theories less nihilistic.

Thank you for sharing this. It helps to put a perspective on it all. 🤗❤️

@gratia
In regards to your question about our loved ones, and if they are who they have always been. We saw a neurologist last week and he said folks with dementia tend to act the way now like they were when they were young children.
I thought that was interesting.

Well .. my husband got crabby and mean.. when he was on hospice.. one time he was back in"Nam".. laying in bed ..I said "honey sit up and take this medication" and he replied "just can't do it boys" and to my nieces and nephew's shock "I shouted Sgt Chuculate sit up and take it like a man".. he sat right up , mouth open..100& PTSD disabled Vietnam vet.. got so crabby in a storm and flood when I was driving hoe.. I just asked him.."why are you trying to frighten me, I can't drive thru deep water"..and "he said am I doing that??" my niece was here helping me load him into the car to go to the VA and she came in and said "there's something wrong with Uncle Dave..he grabbed a jar of oranges.. for a diet Pepsi" and I told her.. "honey, if it isn't gonna hurt him..I just let him go with it.. it makes him feel stupid if I say anything, I'll just hid the oranges in the car and get him a diet Pepsi".. 15 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday..he had cancer..never will get over losing that man..his little sister said he was very crabby as a child.. lol!! He was 5 years older and hated her tagging along with him and his little friends..in fact, he was so crabby ,I finally asked his dr at the VA.. anything you can give him for crabby.. Zoloft!! The whole family heaved a sigh of relief!! So I do it al over again .. 21 days on hospice by myself because he made me promise not to let anyone see him..

@shmerdloff I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, however I feel this comment is not useful and on the verge of being harmful. This person was seeking advice and guidance. When you’re living in the moment of someone sucking the life out of you, religious beliefs or babbling is not helpful.

@standinginfaith thank you for sharing your story, my husband is also a Vietnam vet and he will sometimes sit for a hour have conversations like he was back in the military. As long as he is peaceful I just let him talk, if he starts to get angry I just gently speak to him and he comes back.

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this and I can completely relate. It makes it harder when you have nowhere to escape. Sometimes when he is in the middle of a tirade I will do something like pull up a picture of our great grandson and say “ look what Sara just sent” it immediately changes his mood and he forgets why he was angry. Also asking if he wants a snack helps sometimes. At least it will give you a little peace for a while.

@akela09
I agree. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes not. Thanks for pointing that out.

@akela09 Thank you for this. I do try to gently distract, and shift the energy, offer a snack or bathroom break. I’m just really tired, and burnt out.

It takes so much energy caregiving for someone with dementia. I feel like a robot at this point: a bathroom attendant/cleaning lady/cook. It’s her negativity that’s so depressing. I wish my mother was one of those funny cheerful ladies, but she’s not.

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It’s not easy no matter how you slice it.
It helps to know we are not alone on the journey. 🤗❤️

@akela09 please thank him for his service ..and welcome home..and thank you for yours ..God bless you both!!