My mom with dementia moved in with us

ctracy1027,
Yes, be ever so grateful and kind to her when the subject arises.
You are already making the greatest contribution to her well being. It's something you've done from your heart, still it involves more difficult sacrifices than yielding to little misunderstandings arising from dementia. There is more and worse to come. If you could clarify the thinking of someone with cognitive decline (or did you know), you'd become quite famous.
Bless your heart and bless your struggle. Bless your mom.

@ctracy1027
@gently is right. There is so much more and worse. You have to try and live your life being secretive, fake and always thinking twice before you divulge information, facts, etc., etc., because inevitably almost anything you say can & will be misconstrued, and all you can do smile & move on. No correcting or reexplaining can exist, it doesn't work, period. It's very frustrating, and I'm telling you, it doesn't get easier. My husband has been progressing very slowly for 3 or 4 years and can still look (to outsiders) like there is nothing at all wrong with his cognitive abilities. He's been a know-it-all for many years and is taking that to a new level with his dementia, making it an even bigger challenge for me to cope with and harder to resist correcting. I can tell you, read through as many of the different dementia threads as you can find the time for, it is a wealth of information here. (And so many wonderful, caring people going through so much of the same stuff.) Search Tami Anastasia and scroll down to Support Groups. She's an expert on Dementia, caregiving, why(s) & how(s), symptoms and more. She has written books and holds a webinar on most Mondays @ 4:30 PT that you can sign up for (for free) on that site.
Blessings, Linda

ctracy1, Please, Don't despair, as you can see already, from the first two responses to your post, that you have come to the right site for support and advice. You see, your situation is not unique, we have all experienced similar, if not exactly the same position in which you find yourself. I'm fairly new to this wonderful source of information and support - wish I had found it while still actively being a caregiver. However, I still visit here daily, just to help myself deal with the loss of my wife, after more than six years of navigating this minefield of dementia. You have to be congratulated for stepping in to help your mother, when needed, and you will never regret it. Because I did not have this site to depend on, through my own faul, I found a book that was my main source of information as to how to react in various situations "The 36 Hour Day" - it was a big help. You might also consider talking with other family, friends and neighbors who may have insight as to various tactics to use when faced with the many different situations you will face. Be strong, show mom all the love and attention possible, the main thing is try not to create discontent - you will both benefit from it. All the best to you and your family.

@ctracy1027
Hi, not the exact same situation, just advise I keep hearing from the dementia pros: meet them where they are at in their fantasy world. Their brains are working so hard to make sense of this world and everything is jumbled.
So now your home is her home in her mind, so you may want to thank her for letting you live with her. Perhaps compliment her on her color scheme or choice of curtains, whatever just anything to keep the peace since you can't reason with them when they get an idea in their heads; it's real to them.
Hopefully her fantasies are tame and easy to go along with when they happen.
All the best to you. 🌺

@lkbous
Thank you somuchfor your VERY TRUE comments regarding secretive, fake, thinking twice before divulging. I do this all the time it is necessary. My husband has mci, not actual dementia. But it feels like he is close. It feels like a dance that we have to do around them to keep peace and I can so so appreciate and relate to the words you just said. Thank you. It helps to know there are others experiencing the exact same thing. Thank you Linda. Hugs to you. Diane

Yes, it is a sort of “dance.” I’ve been doing far too much “correcting” lately, which has caused a lot of unnecessary battles.

@annie1946 It’s just too hard not to, it’s against our nature.

My wife who has dementia tells me everyday that she will be going home tomorrow. Usually when the sundowners kicks in. I just roll with it and mention all the beautiful things she has in our home. In the morning she forgets about it. I'm always loving and kind.

@catriver1, that sounds like a kind solution that's working for both of you. I'm sure it is heart-breaking none-the-less.

@catriver1 I love your response. Kind, and so considerate. My initial reaction when I read your post: "Home is anywhere you and your loving wife are together. That's what important here, even if she can't remember where home is.
Best, Karla