Morning Anxiety

I appreciate your sharing, @parus. I do remember the days when counseling made things seem worse rather than better. But I found that it is a process that, if continued, can help to put the jumbled pieces of life's experiences together and make for a better person. It has been true for many of us. Perhaps it can be true for you as well.

@hopeful33250 I think this is what I needed to hear this morning. I keep telling myself if I keep at it maybe I can get through to a more restful place. When she mentioned EMDR I freaked. Another therapist and starting over again. I have read about it and in my mind it is hokey-pokey. I think about trying EMDR again and I am gone. It is okay though. Tells me my past has a grip on me that I need some help with. I do eat healthy, exercise- the healthy things. I may spend too much time alone. That old boogie-man behind everything. TMI perhaps. 🥴

To me, this post offers thoughts that seem reasonable and healthy. The alone time might be part of the problem. I spent a lot of alone time as a kid, safer to be with myself, tv, toys, books, etc. It can be hard to break from the safety-mode which doesn't work so well as an adult. Hmmm, might be worth doing some journaling about that (for you and for me). 😉

@parus @hopeful33250 I am reading words of positivity here! Looking into ourselves, probably not too impressed/pleased what we see, but forging on to make sense of things and feel better, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us on the journey. It's seems like that is simply all we can do! I have looked at my lot in life, figured what I did to make it so, what part I was not responsible for, and strived to make the best of it. While at times it is like a millstone around my neck, I am working hard to make it a stepping stone under my feet. We are mighty together!
Ginger

@pankaj, @hopeful33250 Hi, I finally was feeling so bad(tensed, kind of aching every where, just miserable) that I ended up at the emergency crying... crying.. I could see a psychiatrist. He finally told me after 1hour of listening to me and hasking questions, that those were not "normal" side effects and that I had to stop citalopram right away. So now I will try Mirtazapine, wich should help me to sleep at night(that was part of the problem) I havent started yet. I have to wait that the citalopram is completely out of my body (5days) For now, I'm already feelling much better just being out of cita. I don't say that everybody having difficulties with cita the first days or weeks should stop or switch to something else. But I guess that sometimes bad side effects could be discussed to be sure that it is the good medication.

@parus @hopeful33250 As I was reading what you both are saying a lot of our past experiences or childhood experiences that we don't even realize does still stay in our mind . If you can forgive what happened to you and forgive the person or whatever it is then forgive yourself all this has to be sincerely then you will forgive and it will become a faded memory. I,ll give you an example I was angry that I had fractured my back I was angry at the person and myself so I was always in extreme pain but once I started talking to myself and letting things go and forgiving myself and her also telling my back I was sorry I didn't take care of you I don't have as much pain as before so I think there is something to this . Our thought are very powerful . Edgar Cayce said mind is the builder body is physical. That's why we have Tai Chi Tapping and other things . Everyone is different in what you do . But this was my experience .

@manno: Sorry to learn that you have been through some rough times. Anyway, good that a psychiatrist has seen you and prescribed another medication, and that you are already feeling much better. Take it easy in the coming days. I will pray for you. God bless you.

@gingerw Insightfully spoken. Nice visual of turning the millstone into a stepping stone. I can see a lovely path of millstones turned into stepping stones!! Again I say, “Yeah Team”.
Back from my voyage. Literally as lots of rain and standing water today.

This is definitely my experience. It’s gitten so bad that I’ve turned my days and nights around. Because I feel a bit of peace at night, I stay up til the wee hours, binge watching law and order. I usually go to bed between 3 and 4. Then I end up sleeping til 1. I wake up in the clutches of anxiety every day. It wears off slowly through the day until my peaceful evenings start around 9 or 10. My psychiatrist is aware of this pattern and hasn’t told me I have to stop. She just wants me to get out of the house more and socialize. I can do this schedule because I lost my job due to missing work with anxiety. I’m on disability now.

Well y’all I did go to therapy yesterday and much chagrined as it did help. Some progress made and EMDR is an still an option. Wonder if that therapist had any idea at the time she mentioned thus how much venom this stirred up on the inside? I was hearing how I had failed again. Fear of the unknown.
Morning anxiety is still my morning disruption but not all of that anger mixed in. @hopeful33250 thanks for the gentle nudge. @merpreb for sharing parts of your journey. Also others who have been encouraging. Yes, yeah team.