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Guilty Pleasures
Psalm 32:7 says: “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Was the author of this passage addressing dementia caregiver, too? I would like to think so: Surely, the presence of "the Lord" or some other higher power is working through this incredible support group.
Many of us start our mornings by checking new postings in this forum. Sometimes, George will call me a dozen times before I get a chance to scroll through the headings--or to finish composing a post.
Consequently, I feel guilty about not giving him my undivided attention. So when he calls and asks what I'm doing, I tell him that I am looking at my "Mayo porn"--one of my guilty pleasures ("guilty" because I'm enjoying myself without his participation and because I should be more attentive to him--or be doing chores, like beginning the process of döstädning).
The other guilty pleasure is my glass or two of wine every evening, and occasionally, a martini. My "happy" hour--but it's without George because he can't mix alcohol with his meds.
For me, a guilty pleasure is a get-out-of-jail-free card. It's a notch above self-care, because indulgence can create a sense of fun--real or imagined.
You don't have to share your guilty pleasures, if you wish to keep them private.
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@georgescraftjr
Let's say we all eat dinner at George's place this week. Incredible menu! 😋
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3 Reactions@georgescraftjr I love the diversity of your meal list, and the ingredients certainly complement the protein. Traditional mexican green sauce for cod, yummy....the "Luleh" for the kebabs, once again, spiced up with aleppo pepper, cumin and coriander, interesting. I can't do spicy with all my GI issues, but that thai panang curry with tender meat just floats my boat. Good for George and his muscle mass....he is eating very well. You too. Thanks for sharing. Just sharing (and or hearing) about good food, gives me joy.
Best, Karla
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1 Reaction@kjc48
Good Morning, Karla.
As usual, seeing your smile first thing in the morning gives me joy.
Another guilty pleasure: hot baths. During the good old days, I used to light candles and set them all around my tub. No need now to get in the mood for love. (I know. I know. I should just light candles for myself, and dab on a bit of perfume (prefrably, Hermès 24 Faubourg or Chanel No. 5) after I towel off.)
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1 Reaction@fred1
Fred, stay strong and know that you are not alone in caregiving. There are others just like you, going through the same miserable crap but knowing you are taking care of someone who used to know and love you. My wife goes to day care 5 days a week (9:00 to 15:00) and when she first started going , I didn't know what do to at home, now I get to read the paper, magazines and accomplish the normal household tasks (laundry/cooking/cleaning) and relaxing while doing so. During the time she is home I can focus on her and not worry about anything else, even if she doesn't know me.
take care my friend
Dan
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6 Reactions@judimahoney
C'est une bonne idée!
You, Karla, @callmegram, and @ocdogmom could plan the music. Don't leave that up to me, unless you don't mind listening to songs like this one:
https://www.google.com/search
George's Wife
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4 Reactions@georgescraftjr, Beautiful selection in music.
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2 Reactions@tunared, Thank you for the kind words and suggestions. However, I'm no longer a caregiver, unfortunately. My wife passed on New Year's Day, this year, after six years of fighting dementia. I miss her terribly and do most of the things you've suggested, and have done for all of those years. The emptiness I'm experiencing is something that I had never expected. I have two dogs that keep me somewhat busy, and a lot of talking to walls, photos AND myself just attempting to maintain a little equilibrium.
I only wish that I had known about this site long ago. There are so many caring, knowledgeable members who share their experience and provide support, it's really amazing.
All the best to you, take care of yourself, stay strong - I understand what you are faced with.
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10 Reactions@georgescraftjr It's been so long since I've had a hot bath but then again, it's been so long since I've been in my own house between hotels and now a rental. So I'm sticking with showers. I love Chanel 5; I used to wear it, but later in life, I ended up with all these "perfume allergies." So now a no-go to Chanel 5. Go ahead, fill the bath and light the candles. It may not be the mood mover you're seeking, but lighting candles helps center our mind. A beacon of light and hope. Just sit back and reflect on all the beautiful memories you collected along the way in Italy, France, the opera, and the like. Now that's worth lighting the candles and cherishing every moment.
Best, Karla
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3 Reactions@kjc48
Thanks, Karla, for being our cheerleader.
In addition to hope, we could use some luck. Today, I found a penny and I picked it up, hoping that it will bring us caregivers some much needed kuck:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/guilty-pleasures/
Lilly
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1 Reaction@georgescraftjr
kuck?