Sister still drinking despite consequences, any advice?

As a drinker who is now sober for 20 I am what you call a on and off alcoholic people say that doesn't exist but it has been my life since I was 11vand started drinking with my parents who were both alcoholics I have the only way I can stay sober is actually living in a women's sober living house if I am not surrounded by sober people who I keep on eye on me and love me I can't do it it on my own I usually quit cold turkey and come here when it gets so bad or I finally spend and burn them bridges that allow me to drink I am not a drinker per day that gets wasted every day but when I drink it's always the same thing a 8 percent twisted tea and bud chelada in my head in that mindset the tomatoes juice is good for me this past round was bad I went from 153 lbs to 104 in less than 5 months it took losing my Aunt Sharon my step mom and then I called sober living which I live at now and at the time went to the hospital for medical detox because I knew I was about to kill myself my daddy then died of covid only 4vdays after my stepmom and I didn't find out for several days as I was still in hospital I loved my dad very much and they had cut me out from there life's a long time ago but rgt after my stepmom died I had called him and that conversation was the most beautiful day of my life yes I can stop giving the money to buy the alcohol and I wouldn't suggest talking and taking every drink call but never please not answer that phone if you could ever get her on a medical detox or 28 program I would suggest on oxford house they run kinda like our program and I stay cold stone sober here and I am happy and free of addiction. Hope this helps God bless know you are not alone

Hey Trooper.

Very interesting comparison of religion and spirituality - focus of control.

I prefer not to give up control to anything outside myself, although it is required almost every day.

Joe

@heyjoe415 as I said I am a binger but for this moment I am sober actually at court turning myself in for 2 pi tickets I got a year ago

Hi JennRose and thanks for your comments and for your honesty.

You mention you are a binger, and in an earlier post wrote "As a drinker who is now sober for 20…"

So I'm wondering if it's been 20 years since your last drink, or if you are still having episodes of binge drinking?

Yes, sober living places and being around sober people are great ways to stay sober. You say that you can't stay sober on your own - while I technically agree with that (we all need help), you sound to me like someone who could stay sober on your own - so hey, give yourself credit for that.

I've been sober for 15 years now, but it took a few starts and stops to get here. I've been on both sides of "sobriety" - meaning sobriety when I didn't drink and sobriety when I would drink occasionally, which of course isn't sobriety.

Stay strong and listen to your heart.

All the best to you.

Joe

@heyjoe415 Focus is different than locus.
A person with external locus would give God or A.A. the praise for providing them the strength to overcome addiction.
A person with internal locus would know it was only through hardwork, that they became strong enough to face those challenges themselves.
External locus of control believes that only through some other force can an individual control their own decision.
"God give me the strength to not have a drink today" or "I need to call my sponsor" are things commonly heard by people with external locus.
"Leave me alone" and "I AM SMILING" are often heard from thos with internal. While these are all instances of struggle, both can overcome.
Personally, Im glad I dont struggle with alcohol. Ive been there, Ive seen it from all sides. Its much easier to just quit and be done with it than struggle with meetings and listen to people whining about how they cant control poop. Joe. I was told for years it was impossible. My stepson, his mom, and many others died because they believed they couldn't quit. They were told if they relapse they will end up hospitalized, institutionalized or dead. And they like many others believed it all the way up to the point of death. Its all about what you believe. Simple as that buddy. It falls down to that one thing. Just believe.
Whether its in yourself. Whether its in that door nob the AA counselor said could be my higher power,,, if I only believe.

@trooperdogg1960 I would say that sometimes it takes "external locus of control," to get some people to the point of "internal locus of control." There are lots of different types of people. Some people do not believe in their ability to do things until...they do. I understand your logic and think it is great that you put down the drink. Not everyone is able to do that right off the cuff. It is interesting and helpful to hear others' points of view. Thank you and everyone here for sharing those views.

The ashes of my sons half brother and their mom sits on a shelf in our living room. We were the only ones who wanted them. Both died from addiction. Danny from a mixture of fentanyl and methamphetamine. Their mom Robin passed from stage 4 lung cancer. Alcohol and cigarettes did her in. Both had been through rehabs, disowned then re-owned, hit rock bottom, came back then hit bottom again. Multiple times. They both had come to believe, that they were addicted for life. Danny was a Peer Support Specialist helping others get their lives back on track when he relapsed. When he quit that job, I knew why. He ended up at an abandoned house with friends. He became violent when the drugs he bought turned out to be something other than what he thought. He was beaten, gagged and tied up. Then left in an alley where he was found the next day. It wasnt murder. Technically it was the drugs that killed him. He'll be 37 forever. I tried to get him to come home so I could show him how his brother and I quit drinking. He was convinced though that he wouldn't be able to quit unless he returned to rehab. He was convinced he had plenty of time to return to rehab. 37 is, after all, such a young age.
Alcohol and cigarettes killed their mom. Legal everywhere and easy to buy. By the time she quit drinking, cancer had set in. She found sobriety too late to enjoy. Her and I split up when my son was 4, with me gaining custody and raising him on my own. Hes 34 now. We share the same sobriety date. December 5th, 2021.
I was 60 when I chose sobriety. Its never too late.

@heyjoe415 t now 30 days I don't get per say get drunk on binges but keep it at 2 tall boys. But I have referred to UT southwest to the MS specialist clinics so rgt now I am pretty scared as I stated above I think my husband killed himself and shot my my dog our dog on a relapse to vodka last April. I been lost ever since. Needless to say they have a very long waiting list. So it's up to me to have 💯 percent control of my mind and body. It getting hard to even walk I am sitting here in a McDonalds awaiting orientation because in texas our SSI runs bout 990i think and my rent for a bunk bed with 3 women is 600 so I in my head think I can stand for hours and hours slinging burgers but it's better than sitting and thinking of things the pain I have rgt now in my arms makes me wonder how many drinks am I gonna drop I drop stuff all the have for years but @ a whopping 10.00 an hour I feel blessed texas is the new Mexico for minimum wage it's still 7.25 here so whoop whoop I actually have over 3 yrs of college but this is what it come down too I wish love and kindness to you all!!

@trooperdogg1960 I believe they should you can recover along with all the death and shit I feel like some groups can be detrimental and I done more 13 stepping than any other step lol but for I getting myself to my Drs appointments I have blown off still praying I get solu -medrol infusions best stuff for my inflammation!! God bless your honesty.

@jennroseclark Laffin at 13th step.
I spent 6 months in a mens residential alcohol treatment facility. On weekends we'd pile in cars and troll the womens residential alcohol treatment centers for coed meetings. Orange County California had some rockin meetings back in the late 1990s!!