Some Good News to Report

One step at a time LOL!!

@kartwk
Please keep us updated. All the best to you, you are amazing. 🌺

@kartwk Here are some thoughts from an R.N. caregiver of (either family or hospital patient) for over 50 years. I would tell your husband that you understand his concerns about surgery but that knee surgery is not comparable to hip replacement surgery. Knee replacement is more complicated, sometimes does not correct the problem and has a much longer recovery period. Hip surgery in 2026 is a much easier straightforward process and after the initial post--op surgical pain he will likely have complete relief from the hip pain. I know that I did. I had developed severe hip pain over the course of several years that did not improve (for more than a week) with steroid injections. It was bone on bone. Since I am my husband's primary caregiver, I needed to have this fixed to be able to continue caring for him. This January I had the surgery which was done at about 10:30 am and I was discharged to home by 4pm. No overnight hospital stay as the surgery went well and I am basically a healthy person at 76 yrs. At the time I scheduled my surgery I did not know that there are more than one surgical approaches to the joint replacement. I decided to change surgeons to have the anterior approach. The two most common approaches to the hip joint are from the front, called the anterior approach which has less post op movement restrictions and a faster healing time because there are no muscles cut during the surgery. I wanted this approach so that I could get back to taking care of my husband as soon as possible. The other approach is from the back, called the posterior approach. This has a longer recovery time and more post op movement restrictions. Most surgeons have a preference based on their training and experience. I would discuss the approach your surgeon prefers and ask why this is her/his preference. Also let the surgeon know about your concerns around your husband's dementia and that any decisions to be made should include your input. I would always choose a surgeon that has the most experience with the approach that is chosen. There may be other reasons for the choice of surgical approach as each patient's pathology can be different. I would also ask the surgeon if he plans to have general anesthesia for your husband. Dementia patients (and almost any older person) can have negative cognitive side effects from general anesthesia that can take awhile to resolve. I did not have general anesthesia for my surgery rather I had IV sedation and a spinal block where a needle was placed into the spinal canal and an anesthetic was injected to numb me from the waist down, then the needle was removed. I was awake at that point and felt my toes getting numb, then my knees, etc. Then I was given the IV sedation and went to Lalaland and woke up in Post-Op. The choice of which type of anesthesia should be left to the anesthesiologist who will take into consideration all of your husband's other health issues. Since your husband has cognitive issues already, I agree with your neighbor that a rehab facility would be a good choice after surgery as he will need to be reminded frequently what the post-op restrictions are and make sure he follows them. It is not uncommon for post-op patients with dementia to forget why they are where they are and want to go home. Also it would be a good idea, I think, to talk to the R.N. in charge of the facility about your concerns regarding his mental health and probable dementia. The silver lining to all this for you is that if he goes to a rehab facility you will get a much needed break from caregiving. Maybe that would be a good time to do some of the things that refresh your soul. We all need a break from caregiving. May God bless you and your husband with a successful surgery and recovery. Keep posting, we care about you and your husband.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your comments.

Today I went over to the nursing home to "book" his reservation. I need to have all my ducks in a row in advance.

With my own problems from a failed knee transplant by a doctor I found out later had put someone's hip in crooked (in another state) I can't blame H for being scared.

"WE" are doing the pre-surgery exercises though he complains and complains.

He has a TOP NOTCH surgeon for this, and he is going to do the procedure the same way you had done. I have talked to them about my concerns, even the dementia issue. The surgeon usually does his operations in a ambulatory facility, which is very nice, but because of H heart issues it will be in the hospital per his cardiologist.

I am not certain how long he will be in rehab, but you are right. It is going to be paradise for me in getting the house clean, doing things I want to do, etc. We all need a break.

@kartwk I am glad to hear that things are moving along and that the surgery will be done in hospital. I personally think that it is a better place for a patient that has a cardiac history.
I am especially glad to hear that you will have a break from caregiving so you can renew your spirit and restore your mental health. You can sleep late, eat whatever you want, go whenever you want, visit friends, get your hair done, mani/pedicure, massage, etc. All self care items in my book.
The other good thing about having your husband go to the nursing home is that they will be the ones dealing with his post-op pain and getting him up and moving around. You won't have to deal with that. I am thinking that with his hip pain taken care of your husband will be in better spirits and be easier to be around. I know I was a happy camper after the surgical pain resolved. God bless you and keep you strong.

H is in so much he already wants to pack his bag, hope it stays this way. I keep on him about the pre-op exercises to which, according to him, I am a nag. I just told him that the fewer times he does them the more problems he will have later. I will keep repeating that to him so he gets the message.

@kartwk I didn't like my pre-op exercises either but I did them because my surgeon and physical therapist convinced me that I would recover faster if I went into the surgery with stronger muscles. They were right.
I think you are right when you tell him that if he doesn't do them he will have a longer recovery time. The thing helped me to do them as I should was that I had a physical therapist come to my house twice a week before the surgery and after. Medicare and my supplemental insurance paid for these visits. She was so nice that I didn't want to disappoint her by not doing the exercises. She also came after the surgery and I would think that if there is such a service in your area that your surgeon would prescribe it so that insurance would cover the cost. Your husband might be more cooperative with someone he doesn't know so well. Good luck!

I have one BIG problem that has come up and I am dreading it. I say this because it is something that I will have to deal with and do not want to. That is his daughter. This is the one that showed up in his hospital room when he first had heart problems, with a will for him to sign.
He called her yesterday to tell her about his upcoming surgery, and she is starting up again and I just do not want to put up with it. I have enough on my plate.
NOW, he did not even hear from her on Father's Day! Nadda for any other holiday, but she did drop off a plate of cookies (store bought) on our front porch for Christmas. The only time we hear from her is when she wants something for free, our grill for her deadbeat son, H's golf clubs for the other son, etc., trying to get him to change his will etc. Then she is all over him with attention etc.

I just cannot deal with her on top of everything.

She has stolen from me, jewelry. When she is around the hair on the back of my neck rises like I am in danger. FWIW, I reported things she did to my PCP and he made me promise if she starts trying to take and get things to let him know ASAP. He made me PROMISE that.

@kartwk
Setting boundaries is so hard but necessary.
I find it helpful to write a bulleted list of points I want to make, because in the heat of things we get emotional and may forget the important things we want to share.
Good luck! 🫂