Doesn’t anyone else feel …… ?

@judimahoney Judi, thanks for what you wrote ! I have been so feeling sorry for myself. Everything, and I do mean everything, has fallen to me to do, to learn how to do, and to take care of. He no longer wants to do anything, other than sleep and will finally come to the table for meals, after I call him a few times. He also, doesn’t want to bathe, etc. Except for walking, he is actually in better physical shape, than me. I am carrying the load. And, though I know he can’t help how his mind has become, I just have such feelings of resentment. I do still love him dearly, and would not abandon him !

@kjc48

Thanks for you inspiration. I don't know how many garlic presses I have had to reorder--thanks to George and his intention of trying to be helpful! No matter how many times I remind him to put things in the right drawer, the reminders don't help.

@dederickve Your situation with your husband sounds a lot like mine. My husband sleeps all day and will not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom which thankfully he can still do himself. He is incontinent of urine nonetheless which is primarily due to prostate surgery in the past but the dementia has made it worse. He does not complain about the disposable underwear. And will sometimes change it himself though he can have trouble with all the steps involved-sequencing issues.
When breakfast and dinner are ready I have to go into the bedroom and get him up because he will not come if I just call him or even go into his room and call him from the door. I have to get him up in stages. "Please sit up" and then extend my hand to help him. I have to remember that the dementia slows down his processing of what has been said. and allow him a minute or two before I say anything else. Once he is sitting I help him out of bed and direct him to the kitchen as he does not always know what direction to go in. Once he's in the kitchen and sees his chair and the food on the table he will sit down and eat. He is at the point in his dementia where visual clues are more meaningful than just words. As for having to do everything myself I think it has a silver lining. I am learning to do the things that I would eventually have to learn after he is gone even if he did not have dementia. I am proud of myself for doing our income taxes and managing our investments with the help of our financial planner. These are things that he would have done in the past. It can be overwhelming to have to learn these things and I can understand how you can resent this. It wasn't what we signed up for. I am trying to take it one day at a time and at the end of each day, remind myself of all the positives and try to learn something from the things that didn't go well. Keep posting here. It has done wonders for me in my quest to maintain my sanity and hope for better things to come. God bless you and your husband.

@hikingcaver

Where do you live? I wish we could start a babysitters' co-op. I love hiking but can't leave George alone.

@dederickve Your situation with your husband sounds a lot like mine. My husband sleeps all day and will not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom which thankfully he can still do himself. He is incontinent of urine nonetheless which is primarily due to prostate surgery in the past but the dementia has made it worse. He does not complain about the disposable underwear. And will sometimes change it himself though he can have trouble with all the steps involved-sequencing issues.
When breakfast and dinner are ready I have to go into the bedroom and get him up because he will not come if I just call him or even go into his room and call him from the door. I have to get him up in stages. "Please sit up" and then extend my hand to help him. I have to remember that the dementia slows down his processing of what has been said. and allow him a minute or two before I say anything else. Once he is sitting I help him out of bed and direct him to the kitchen as he does not always know what direction to go in. Once he's in the kitchen and sees his chair and the food on the table he will sit down and eat. He is at the point in his dementia where visual clues are more meaningful than just words. As for having to do everything myself I think it has a silver lining. I am learning to do the things that I would eventually have to learn after he is gone even if he did not have dementia. I am proud of myself for doing our income taxes and managing our investments with the help of our financial planner. These are things that he would have done in the past. It can be overwhelming to have to learn these things and I can understand how you can resent this. It wasn't what we signed up for. I am trying to take it one day at a time and at the end of each day, remind myself of all the positives and try to learn something from the things that didn't go well. Keep posting here. It has done wonders for me in my quest to maintain my sanity and hope for better things to come. God bless you and your husband.

@marilynt My husband's prostate cancer was caught early enough that a prostatectomy was an option to completely eliminate the cancer. At the time, at least 10 years ago, my husband was able to make his own health care decisions as the dementia had not reared its ugly head at that point. So he had the operation and has had no evidence of prostate cancer since. However, in 2024 he was diagnosed with Mantle cell lymphoma and underwent chemotherapy and immunotherapy that was devastating but worked and now he is in remission. The whole experience I think accelerated the onset of his dementia. He definitely had "chemo brain", lost 30 pounds and required transfusions. The chemo and immunotherapy worked and he is now in remission from that cancer. He/we have been through so much in these last years.
You are so right, it is so stressful to see what is happening and wonder what tomorrow will bring. I think when we are stressed like this we need to find something that gives us joy in the moment. For me it is gardening and music. A good Santana song takes me to another place. Keep posting here. I have found so much support and helpful comments here. I think it has saved my sanity or at least enabled me to "hang in there"

@ocdogmom
I am new to this blog but so grateful to read the comments. When you mentioned about your husband and prostate cancer, I immediately thought that I am not alone.
My husband is undergoing Proton treatment and was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease (although I’ve recognized the dementia for a couple of years). He is now sleeping until noon each day and has little energy after his therapy. I am so frustrated, and in addition I had knee replacement surgery 2 months ago and am still very limited in what I can do. The stress of all this has been overwhelming.
Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you can “hang in there” like I am trying to do.