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Is it ok to feel angry?
Venting. Here it comes again, the anger. It arrives in slow waves. Anger at my mother for not being more proactive about her life choices. Anger at dementia. Anger and frustration at the medical system. Anger that I’m losing sleep and exhausted all the time & above all, angry that I lost my job and the life I built due to her disease and slow decline.
And then I get angry at the deep guilt I experience because I feel angry!
I try to take deep breath and be in the moment. It’s a game of constantly reframing how I see this. I keep repeating to myself the word “acceptance”.
How do you cope if you experience these difficult emotions?
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@judimahoney Good Morning ☀️ Judi,
Your sister is an inspiration- thank you for sharing this. I do agree that the experience changes us as humans. I don’t really know who I will be when I come out the other side, but I’m absolutely changed already and the journey continues…
It’s helpful to focus on things we can “control”, which feels grounding when so much is beyond our control.
Even if it’s just cleaning, sorting or reorganizing and decorating my mother’s home, I find these things very helpful.
Above all, staying in Gratitude.
🤗❤️
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3 ReactionsFor me, I know that I have a future beyond dementia caregiving for my husband. I know that grief never ends and we are foolish to think that we will ever have "closure". I am still mourning my parents though they have been gone for many years. Now I am able to acknowledge that it is there and tolerate it better. I remind myself that they had long full lives and were both ready to die at the end. Our society does not tolerate old age and the illness and frailness that inevitably comes with that part of life. The American culture generally does not treasure our elders or look to them for wisdom and advice. This is especially the case with dementia patients who are no longer able to give us the benefit of their life experience. It generally does not accept that we are all mortal and will die at some point. Just about everything we see or hear is about not getting or looking old. As a society we need to acknowledge the fact that we are all mortal and the need for societal support at the end of every life and the need for support for those of us that are doing the bulk of the caregiving. Sadly this does not seem to be among the priorities of our country right now.
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7 ReactionsIs it “normal “ for a person with dementia to lash out at his wife and call her names. I am really getting stressed out over his lack of love towards me. What can I do? Suggestions?
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6 Reactions@steiny1941 Yes! Especially if you are his person helping him. A lot of times they are not aware of their behavior! I have been a Caregiver for 13 year’s! Sadly I lost my sweetheart to Parkinson's over 2 months ago! I would give anything to be able to see and talk with him! He was my best friend and a wonderful person! Parkinson’s stole him from me! One good thing is he isn’t suffering anymore!
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7 Reactions@steiny1941
I just try and not take it personally. The lack of love and affection is almost too much to bear sometimes. I guess I am entering the Acceptance phase.
Our dog just gets lots of love and pets, since my love needs to go somewhere besides caregiving.
All the best to you. 🌺
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8 Reactions@kjc48
Yes, Karla. Choosing gratitude is life-affirrming. A martini or glass of wine helps, too.
@kjc48
You know what I meant. The spelling error is due to sleep-deprivation, not to a libation.
@shmerdloff
Thank you for your life-affirming post. To Life!
L’chayim. Borei Pri HaGefen!
George's Wife.
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1 Reaction@ocdogmom
Well-spoken. (In our culture, we revere our elders albeit it's difficult to revere George when he keeps me up all night long, like last night.)
Wishing you and Ron the best--and praying that he'll make the upcoming wedding.
George's Wife
P.S. Even though we haven't written to each other recently, you are always in my heart--and thus, my prayers. Thank you for private and collective support to all of us in our little community.
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1 Reaction@steiny1941
You just have to take the "high road" albeit it's impossible at times. As my husband says in his own defense: "It's the disease."
George's Wife
P.S. Once, George called me a "loser," even though I try to give him my all. When I told him that he hurt my feelings, he cried and told me that he would never intentionally hurt me.
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