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Is it ok to feel angry?

Posted by Gratia @gratia, Jun 17 5:00pm

Venting. Here it comes again, the anger. It arrives in slow waves. Anger at my mother for not being more proactive about her life choices. Anger at dementia. Anger and frustration at the medical system. Anger that I’m losing sleep and exhausted all the time & above all, angry that I lost my job and the life I built due to her disease and slow decline.

And then I get angry at the deep guilt I experience because I feel angry!

I try to take deep breath and be in the moment. It’s a game of constantly reframing how I see this. I keep repeating to myself the word “acceptance”.

How do you cope if you experience these difficult emotions?

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Gratia | @gratia | 1 day ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@gratia Hello: In response to your query, how can you keep it together and start over..." + (show)
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@gratia
Hello:
In response to your query, how can you keep it together and start over when this ends?
I can only speak from my sister's point of view who lost her husband to cancer in her early 60s.
She went through stages after my brother-in-law passed, just like we are. There was the expected sadness, and tons of crying; she does retail therapy and has been buying things she probably doesn't need (but it makes her feel good).
She took a lover to combat loneliness and started getting out and enjoying her life again. She got two cats and enjoys spoiling them. She's traveled overseas and domestically several times. She lavishes attention on her garden and has created a visual paradise. She writes about her feelings and blogs.
Anyway, my sister has just carried on, recreating herself in her new, single life and is still sad, but carries on.
I try to imagine what life will be like on the flip side, but there are so many unknowns I need a crystal ball.
Something that was said in a grief class I took, is that we are all becoming new people. The way we respond to our loved ones, and how we manage has changed us.
What shall we become today?
Hugs all around. ☺️

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@judimahoney Good Morning ☀️ Judi,
Your sister is an inspiration- thank you for sharing this. I do agree that the experience changes us as humans. I don’t really know who I will be when I come out the other side, but I’m absolutely changed already and the journey continues…

It’s helpful to focus on things we can “control”, which feels grounding when so much is beyond our control.

Even if it’s just cleaning, sorting or reorganizing and decorating my mother’s home, I find these things very helpful.
Above all, staying in Gratitude.
🤗❤️
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ocdogmom | @ocdogmom | 14 hours ago

For me, I know that I have a future beyond dementia caregiving for my husband. I know that grief never ends and we are foolish to think that we will ever have "closure". I am still mourning my parents though they have been gone for many years. Now I am able to acknowledge that it is there and tolerate it better. I remind myself that they had long full lives and were both ready to die at the end. Our society does not tolerate old age and the illness and frailness that inevitably comes with that part of life. The American culture generally does not treasure our elders or look to them for wisdom and advice. This is especially the case with dementia patients who are no longer able to give us the benefit of their life experience. It generally does not accept that we are all mortal and will die at some point. Just about everything we see or hear is about not getting or looking old. As a society we need to acknowledge the fact that we are all mortal and the need for societal support at the end of every life and the need for support for those of us that are doing the bulk of the caregiving. Sadly this does not seem to be among the priorities of our country right now.

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