Is it ok to feel angry?

@gratia: I feel your frustration and sadness with this situation in which you have been forced to live. No one knows all your details, but if I were in your shoes I think I would need some help from your medical team. I know first hand the benefits of an anti-depressant like Escitalopram 10mg helping me deal with terminal cancer; perhaps a drug similar to this that is not cause drug dependency will help you maintain a steady, calm frame of mind. We all need a little help when forced into a situation that causes this degree of frustration.
You deserve getting help -both physical day-to-day assistance and time away from the situation to regain your cool. Your mental acuity is at stake! I am wishing you a better life tomorrow! Take care of YOU!

Of course, it's okay to feel anger BUT anger itself is mentally and physically exhausting - and doesn't give you the mindset or stamina to take on another day. Choose to believe that a better outcome is possible. Focus on some direction to get there. Which means, we have to accept that we can't get there alone. Say yes to help! even if it's one or two afternoons a week. Then break away, step outside and immerse yourself in the nature you love. Do Meals on Wheels for your mother if you don't have time to cook, find ways to lighten your load and simplify. That's what I'm trying to do, every day. I was angry at my mother, too for her life choices. But we can't control the choices they made. Don't be angry with her disease. There isn't much we can do about our loved one's disease. But you can take subtle control of the situation, slow down, and determine what few things will make your life easier. If you got help, can you work one day a week just to move to a different venue, perhaps, a quieter, calmer space. Caregiving is emotional. I think we have to learn how to navigate this journey of the unknown, while trying to accept/change how heavy it always feels. I'm not at the getting help stage with my husband, but when I get there, I know I will reach out for help. God doesn't want us to do this alone.....he has care-angels that are "Waiting in the Wings" to help. We just need to call on them. Best, Karla

The narrow view is angry that this happened to me.
The wide angle view is THIS IS LIFE. Thousands of postings here about such suffering. I don't know anyone who has escaped it. In Fiddler, To Life🍷life has a way of confusing us blessing and bruising us...and if our good fortunes never come, here's to whatever comes. DRINK...
We are given life in all it's aspects. Maybe we like it. Maybe we expected something else.
In the end it is our choice for gratitude or anger. And doing something for others.

I love and appreciate your response. I do accept this is a chapter and I realize how complaining is pointless. I just have those moments… and yes to 🍷!
Thank you for the reality check and wishing everyone a peaceful moment or moments today ❤️

@gratia Wine - the fruit of nature. Now that's a toast to one step forward. Best, Karla

@gratia My “elixer” of choice now days is black coffee. We both stopped alcohol altogether 6 or 7 years ago. We didn’t have issues with it other than the ways it could worsen or elevate risks with our individual health. NO JUDGEMENT though, and I do sometimes miss the lovely bouquet of a fine red. For now cold brew coffee (I live in Arizona) gets me by, keeps me sharp and merry, but man I have to watch it after 1 pm!

But whatever gives us caregivers a momentary lift is great as far as I’m concerned.

Hi:
My repeated phrase in my head, when things aren't going well is, 'Be a better person' that I say when I'm feeling bad about blowing up at my husband and losing my temper at some behavior that he can't control.
I try many different things in the moment:
-remind myself of the nuggets I've learned at training, and if a few strategies don't work I...
-walk away after ensuring my husband is in a safe space, if I find myself losing my temper
-find something I like to do, like baking or watching a Rom Com
-journal or read
-go outside and breathe
-pet our dog
All the best to you. 🌺

@gratia I think it is ok to get angry. To tell ourselves "I am really angry that this is my life right now" I think it is a natural response to what we are having to deal with. The question to consider is what to do with that anger. I think if you brush it under the rug or feel that you shouldn't be angry and then feel guilty, that anger will eat you up eventually. There are many safe ways to deal with it. You can post here for sure as we all are going through our own caregiving challenges. You can journal about what you are feeling or you can try what I learned in a "wellness, mindfulness, how to deal with what life has thrown you" retreat that I went on years ago. I found it remarkably effective. So what you do is write down on a piece of paper what you are angry at eg. your mother's dementia, your loss of the life you thought you would have, whatever it is that is pissing you off in the moment. Then you safety pin that paper to a pillow (that you don't care about). You get a wiffle bat (small plastic one for kids) and then you beat the sh*t out of that paper. It will end up in shreds and you can keep beating it until you are relieved of your angry feelings. Works for me.

@ocdogmom thank you for your understanding and for sharing this info. I fluctuate between anger and sadness. She forgot my name and who I am again tonite, and it’s just all very heartbreaking. It’s like running a gauntlet of “mental gymnastics”, and my mind is exhausted at the moment.

@shmerdloff I try to choose gratitude, every day. It's the only way through anything we deal with in life. Thanks for your amazingly SOUND advice. Best, Karla