Cost of memory care for an Alzheimer's patient

@memoriestomoments Can you say who you were insured with? It is great that your LTC insurance is actually helping. I have heard bad stories on that kind of insurance. I am thinking that if I cannot get it for my husband now (he is already diagnosed with MCI), that maybe I should get it for myself...Was he on any medication, did he try the infusions Leqembi or Kisunla? Thank you again.

Hi @llthomson

Sure. We have John Hancock. However I would note that we bought the policy back in the 90's! It is great in that there is no limit on the benefits (they do other end after a certain Total dollars or time) but the payment is moderate because we did not buy the increases they offered over time. Starting now I would shop around and make sure I understood the details. For example, our policy is one that reimburses for caregiving. There is a LOT of administration needed. Another friend has a policy (don't know with what company) that pays a daily amount regardless of what is spent and they are making money on that policy so far.

BTW. I held off on claiming the LTC coverage benefits because I thought he needed to need help with many ADLs to start receiving payments., but when I called, they said that if I had to cue him to get through those Activities, he qualified to start . I give this just as an example. read the policy, yes, but talk to them also to understand things like that.

June 30, 2026
Memory Care move in day for my husband.

I don't think I have ever been so concerned about anything in my life. I am so worried about how he will adjust. I have done so much for him during the last 4 years. I pray that he will tell caregivers when he is having a problem. Will they treat him with respect, and will they be kind to him?

I am also worried about me. After being married for 59 years how will it feel living totally alone? I am 80 yrs old. Will I be able to handle driving to the Memory Care Center every day?

So much for the Golden Years...

@katrina123 The staff at my husband’s AL recommended me not being there at move-in and to wait 2-3 days- gives him a chance to settle in, see staff as helpful, meet other residents, maybe new friends. They said when spouses are there, the new resident tends to focus on the spouse, doesn’t want to leave their room, refuses going to activities- wants to wait for their spouse. They did not recommend visiting every day or for long periods. I was very uneasy about this advice, but I figured they have to know what they’re doing and it turned out they were right!
Being on my own at home, after a long marriage, don’t laugh- I turn on the TV to familiar movies on channels without commercials, lower volume. I don’t need to pay attention to the plot, I can do chores, work on a puzzle, write my to-do lists, all with low voices and music in the background to keep me company. I’ve heard that called “audible wallpaper”. I started walking around the block for some exercise and, although I had to push myself, I greet everyone I meet- a wave to the people on the other side of the street, a good morning to people on my side. If those people pause, I introduce myself, say where I live, chat a little. I’ve now met so many neighbors- young and old, those with dogs (always compliment Fido), those without. I joined a local Newcomers Women’s Club, although I’ve lived here 34 years, they didn’t mind, were happy to have another member.
I also listened to what made me feel bad. Seeing his extra clothes in the closets and drawers did that, off to Goodwill. Looking at the King bed we shared did that, off to the Interfaith Mission. I bought a full-size- just right for one person, picked out new bedding- chose a cheerful lemon theme. His workshops in the garage and basement did that. You can post online on Marketplace if you want to sell stuff yourself or hire a clean-out company. Our town has “pickers” who come by before bulk pick-up day and take stuff that’s out on the curb. I put some metal out and watched for one I recognized. I invited him to clean out the workshops of what the kids didn’t want. Those folks are usually scrambling for income, so I felt like I helped them too. I took his name and number and called him last month to see if he wanted a Lazy-boy- he came right away. I needed to buy a power one, couldn’t do the adjust bar anymore.
You have to think of what you’ll need help with because you’re not strong enough or tall enough or knowledgeable enough. I found a good fix-it guy and someone to help with the yard too. It feels weird to have to manage what hubby used to do, and to have to pay for it! I also took my paper bills down to the bank and they helped me set up online banking. It’s really easy to use and makes life a lot easier.
Good luck, you’ll do great!,

@katrina123
A few ideas that may help:

Going in often and making friends with the caregivers increases the chance that your husband will get good care. Learn their names and watch how they interact with him. Praise the approaches that you like and gently but specifically share what actions or approaches can make them more successful when helping your husband.

Write up a one pager on your husband and post it there for the caregivers, or leave a stack of copies of it for them. (Use Google Translate to translate it if the staff have one or two other native languages.) What he did for work and fun and things about your family. This makes him a fuller person to them and gives them things to reference about him when interacting or trying to select engagement activities.

Learn their processes. For example I learned that they tracked every check that they did and every bowel movement. When he started having digestive issues, this helped understand what changes worked.

See what caregiving changes might be needed because he is there. For example, the change may make him hesitant to ask about the bathroom. Maybe they need to check in with him every 2 hours to avoid distress.

@centre

Thank you for your generous response. I am glad that you brought up not visiting every day and that it might actually benefit my husband. Never thought of that. I am 80 and the thought of driving to his Memory Care Center every single day was making me concerned.

I'm worried about being at home alone because I am having balance issues. My son suggested that I get a smart watch that is waterproof and I could keep it on at all times just in case I fall. I think I will look into that.

My next job is to go through 59 years' worth of stuff. I'm not sure how long I will be able to live alone so I might as well start getting rid of things that I no longer need.

Just wondering, do you ever take your husband home overnight or for a weekend?

@centre

Thank you for your generous response. I am glad that you brought up not visiting every day and that it might actually benefit my husband. Never thought of that. I am 80 and the thought of driving to his Memory Care Center every single day was making me concerned.

I'm worried about being at home alone because I am having balance issues. My son suggested that I get a smart watch that is waterproof and I could keep it on at all times just in case I fall. I think I will look into that.

My next job is to go through 59 years' worth of stuff. I'm not sure how long I will be able to live alone so I might as well start getting rid of things that I no longer need.

Just wondering, do you ever take your husband home overnight or for a weekend?

@katrina123 Not to sound harsh, but I really, really, really wouldn’t recommend taking him home for a night or weekend. I think it would make it super difficult for both of you, like ripping a scab off of his adjustment to the facility and starting afresh. When time to return, he might refuse to get back in the car. I don’t even drive my husband past our house or in our neighborhood.
As far as visiting, I go twice a week- Wednesdays and Saturdays, going a weekday and a weekend day lets you see what’s up when admin is there and when “the cat’s away”. I wave at the admin folks and greet the staff by name. I go just after lunch, the morning care and med pass is over and he hasn’t laid down for a nap yet.
I bought him a small fridge at Walmart, so I refresh the waters and soda. I refresh his bathroom drawer stack of incontinence briefs, clean his hearing aids biweekly, tidy up the closet and drawers. Then we go for a drive.
I ask him to choose what drive-through he’d like- it’s usually Dunkin for coffee and a donut, sometimes Dairy Queen. We only go to drive-throughs as I don’t feel confident taking him out of the car in a public place anymore. When he used a walker, we went to Walmart and he suddenly decided to start sitting down at the entrance. People rushed to help and we all got him back in the car, but it was scary. Another time he had a major diarrhea accident in his wheelchair, it was awful trying to manage that. Yikes!
Then we go for a drive. We live in a rural area, he likes drives by the farms, we check out the cows and what the farmers are up to in the fields. Sometimes we drive through and around our town center, sometimes we drive over to where he used to work and I bring up funny stories from those days and we laugh. We drive around for about a half hour, then it’s back to the facility, he’s tired and wants to lie down, I ask the staff to help with toileting, and then I go on errands needed in places on that side of town, saves me a drive up there another day.
About safety, my brother insisted I get a smart watch after I had a really hard fall walking around the block, had to wait sitting on someone’s lawn, until somebody came by to help me up and walk me home (saw stars).
It’s been great, it connects to my hearing aids and phone. When we began aging, I had my hubby put in grab bars in the tub/shower area (Amazon has nice “decorator grab bars), took up all throw rugs, got nightlights, and am very careful to have clear pathways, removing and clutter. I wear non-skid socks or slippers that stay on my feet in the house (not skids).
If you haven’t done it already, next time you go to your PCP, tell them you want to apply for the handicapped placard, mine has a drawer with applications. You take that to your local state representative’s office and they’ll FAX it to your state capitol, and it will be mailed to you really fast. Doing it that way speeds things up considerably. It’s been a godsend for me for safety- you can park close, open your door wide, plenty of room for in and out.
Many of us will be thinking of you and your hubby tomorrow, June 30th, as he is admitted to the new place. Things will be different, but they’ll be okay. Best wishes always

He will not qualify for Medicaid until Much of his income has been spent. A visit to an attorney who specializes in elder care would be a very good idea. They can guide you on how to structure your finances so that. Your assets will be protected and his assets will be spent down to a level level will allow coverage. My brother-in-law’s family was faced with this situation. His son was the nearest relative and had little if anything to do with his care. His brothers and sisters stepped in, one sister-in-law figured out the process of spending down. His cars had to be sold, his house had to be sold, anything he had a value had to be liquidated. The money generated from that had to pay for his care. When that was reduced to a certain level, I can’t remember how many thousands he was allowed to keep in cash maybe 20,000? Once that level was reached, he became eligible for government assistance to pay for his stay. The care facility understood that when he came in the family using their brother’s assets would pay for his stay. Once he reached a certain level, it would transfer to Medicare funding. They were used to this, and they were willing to do it. There are however, some facilities that will only accept full and private payment. So it’s important to locate a good facility. It’s willing to work with you on this. Hope that helps. It’s really hard.