@katrina123 The staff at my husband’s AL recommended me not being there at move-in and to wait 2-3 days- gives him a chance to settle in, see staff as helpful, meet other residents, maybe new friends. They said when spouses are there, the new resident tends to focus on the spouse, doesn’t want to leave their room, refuses going to activities- wants to wait for their spouse. They did not recommend visiting every day or for long periods. I was very uneasy about this advice, but I figured they have to know what they’re doing and it turned out they were right!
Being on my own at home, after a long marriage, don’t laugh- I turn on the TV to familiar movies on channels without commercials, lower volume. I don’t need to pay attention to the plot, I can do chores, work on a puzzle, write my to-do lists, all with low voices and music in the background to keep me company. I’ve heard that called “audible wallpaper”. I started walking around the block for some exercise and, although I had to push myself, I greet everyone I meet- a wave to the people on the other side of the street, a good morning to people on my side. If those people pause, I introduce myself, say where I live, chat a little. I’ve now met so many neighbors- young and old, those with dogs (always compliment Fido), those without. I joined a local Newcomers Women’s Club, although I’ve lived here 34 years, they didn’t mind, were happy to have another member.
I also listened to what made me feel bad. Seeing his extra clothes in the closets and drawers did that, off to Goodwill. Looking at the King bed we shared did that, off to the Interfaith Mission. I bought a full-size- just right for one person, picked out new bedding- chose a cheerful lemon theme. His workshops in the garage and basement did that. You can post online on Marketplace if you want to sell stuff yourself or hire a clean-out company. Our town has “pickers” who come by before bulk pick-up day and take stuff that’s out on the curb. I put some metal out and watched for one I recognized. I invited him to clean out the workshops of what the kids didn’t want. Those folks are usually scrambling for income, so I felt like I helped them too. I took his name and number and called him last month to see if he wanted a Lazy-boy- he came right away. I needed to buy a power one, couldn’t do the adjust bar anymore.
You have to think of what you’ll need help with because you’re not strong enough or tall enough or knowledgeable enough. I found a good fix-it guy and someone to help with the yard too. It feels weird to have to manage what hubby used to do, and to have to pay for it! I also took my paper bills down to the bank and they helped me set up online banking. It’s really easy to use and makes life a lot easier.
Good luck, you’ll do great!,