yes, i have been abused since i was born. the memories never stop. somehow we live. as the years go by the memories are less painless. but when there are many, many memories of the abuse it takes longer. it is easy to feel sorry for myself but sometimes believe it or not, sometimes it helps to remember knowing that it is over and to continue to try to love myself. thinking as bad as it was for me, there are others who have been treated worse. whenever i can, i help others when i can. the worst part of my problems is that i have no family and am pretty much alone. (i do have a few friends).
In the beginning of my recovery journey I was a very angry person with a chip on my shoulder. That was 30 years ago and today thanks to alot of people who cared I have been able to rebuild my life. I come from a back ground of excessive drinking and mental illness . My mom suffered from Major depression and my dad had PTSD from being a Marine in WW2. There was a lot of chaos in our lives and it trickled down hill. I am the third of four children all of whom are now in recovery from drug and alcohol addictions. We are all sober for about 30 years. They say it is in the journey not the destination and I find that to be true.I was first diagnosed with depression at 28 and it took a bit of time to stabilize me but it happened. Now to today. Life with depression is often difficult but I find that there is a gift in it all some how. I am much more understanding then I would have been otherwise. There really isn't any thing you can tell me that I can't understand. I am very empathetic and caring today. Not a door mat but you know what I mean. These days the depression does't respond to meds but I have other coping stratagies that I use. Today was tough. For me the fatigue is overwelming and sometimes during the day I can't fight it so I give myself a half hour off to just rest. Then I go back to my list of things to do and check something off. Its not a perfect system but I at least feel like I am contributing something to life.
@peach. I understand your pain, having been physically abused (my dad broke my nose, my ankle, three ribs and used to beat us with a belt until our butts bled) and sexually abused - dad again - (as were my 3 sisters). For me, family earns trust just like friends. In the great words of Martin Luther King, I judge a person by their character. "Blood" doesn't mean squat. I have great friends that are part of my family and "family" I wouldn't give the time of day. You and I are SURVIVORS! Hold your head up! They didn't break us! They are no longer allowed to have power in our lives. My mom divorced my dad but the JUDGE in the divorce allowed my dad unsupervised visitation even though the divorce decree stated my father had physically and sexually abused all four of his daughters!!! (My two older sisters had to testify.) My mom refused to let us go and we refused to have any contact with him. He was not an alcoholic or a drug addict. He was bipolar. If I could go back in time, I would beat the crap out of that judge for throwing us all under the bus. At any rate, it took me years of therapy to become truly functional. I mean, I did well in school and had a good job and stuff (all my sisters did, too, in spite of everything), but to stop the nightmares and not jump at certain triggers or get enraged, I was lucky to have good therapists, antidepressants that worked and my faith to fill the empty, dark hole in my soul. I empowered myself by getting a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and learning how to shoot and handle a gun. I am blessed in many ways. I have so much love from my children, grand children, sisters, husband, etc. I am so glad you can help others. I try to do so, too. I share so you know you are not alone. I don't feel comfortable sharing all, but enough just to let you know my childhood was rough. I pray you can find that peace that surpasses all understanding! I am so glad you found Mayo Connect. I think you can find help as well as give help and hope to others!
There are many folks I know that have been in therapy (I once was) that want others to get therapy as it helps them and we are all different. It would take a highly skilled professional to determine if someone has PTSD. Many times PTSD is misdiagnosed and this can turn into a horrific experience.
I know I would "not" diagnose another as even professionals "can" and "do" make mistakes.
If this shoe happens to fit some...I apologize for starting this post on PTSD.
I am the one starting this thread and if I could I would delete it!! Extremely naive on my part. This is not helpful for me and if it has been harmful to others I am sorry.
@parus I can't even begin to understand your frustration. You initially did what is preached to do and sought out therapy. Not only did they let you down, one made your trust issues worse! Medication failed you, and now you have reached out again only to hit another wall. I am curious as to what you are searching for and what you "see" help looking like. Why do you say you are naive to have started this important post? Is your PTSD related to service in one of the armed forces? Or is your PTSD related to childhood abuse or other abuse to you as an adult? What about this thread has been harmful to you? I am clueless but really want to try to understand. I feel certain no one has intentionally meant to harm you or anyone else. There have apparently been several triggers in this thread and to be of help, it would be good to know what they have been.
the laws in the courts need changing so badly. both my mother and father were mentally unbalanced. so no one to turn to. i was starved. when they cleaned the wooden desks in school with banana oil my stomach hurt and my mouth watered because it smelled like food. my sisters still treat me as when we were young which is why i have nothing to do with them for many years. perhaps you have not read my previous notes which is why i truly, truly have been where you have with the beatings and everything else. i can understand every word you are presenting, every word. i understand your suffering most definitly and cry for you and your sisters. i have walked in your shoes and i understand. i was as mad as you and maybe more so. now the hate within me has been somewhat tamed. perhaps because i am 80 years of age. but it never stops and it seems i will take it to the grave with me. BUT I WILL NOT LET IT TAKE OVER. NEVER AGAIN. THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IS TO HAVE MORE CARE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. as it stands now, there is not enough help for them which can save the children and others. with love.
There are many folks I know that have been in therapy (I once was) that want others to get therapy as it helps them and we are all different. It would take a highly skilled professional to determine if someone has PTSD. Many times PTSD is misdiagnosed and this can turn into a horrific experience.
I know I would "not" diagnose another as even professionals "can" and "do" make mistakes.
If this shoe happens to fit some...I apologize for starting this post on PTSD.
i really need to add this: how the family court judges are elected or appointed MUST be changed. they should first be judged themselves for their fitness to be a judge in family court and; every so often be judged again for their fitness.
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yes, i have been abused since i was born. the memories never stop. somehow we live. as the years go by the memories are less painless. but when there are many, many memories of the abuse it takes longer. it is easy to feel sorry for myself but sometimes believe it or not, sometimes it helps to remember knowing that it is over and to continue to try to love myself. thinking as bad as it was for me, there are others who have been treated worse. whenever i can, i help others when i can. the worst part of my problems is that i have no family and am pretty much alone. (i do have a few friends).
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3 Reactions@peach414144 Friends are a good thing! We can't pick our families, but we can pick our friends!
Teresa
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2 Reactionsthank you for that. friends are true whether they say right or wrong. it is usually for your good.
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1 ReactionIn the beginning of my recovery journey I was a very angry person with a chip on my shoulder. That was 30 years ago and today thanks to alot of people who cared I have been able to rebuild my life. I come from a back ground of excessive drinking and mental illness . My mom suffered from Major depression and my dad had PTSD from being a Marine in WW2. There was a lot of chaos in our lives and it trickled down hill. I am the third of four children all of whom are now in recovery from drug and alcohol addictions. We are all sober for about 30 years. They say it is in the journey not the destination and I find that to be true.I was first diagnosed with depression at 28 and it took a bit of time to stabilize me but it happened. Now to today. Life with depression is often difficult but I find that there is a gift in it all some how. I am much more understanding then I would have been otherwise. There really isn't any thing you can tell me that I can't understand. I am very empathetic and caring today. Not a door mat but you know what I mean. These days the depression does't respond to meds but I have other coping stratagies that I use. Today was tough. For me the fatigue is overwelming and sometimes during the day I can't fight it so I give myself a half hour off to just rest. Then I go back to my list of things to do and check something off. Its not a perfect system but I at least feel like I am contributing something to life.
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Hug
4 Reactions@peach. I understand your pain, having been physically abused (my dad broke my nose, my ankle, three ribs and used to beat us with a belt until our butts bled) and sexually abused - dad again - (as were my 3 sisters). For me, family earns trust just like friends. In the great words of Martin Luther King, I judge a person by their character. "Blood" doesn't mean squat. I have great friends that are part of my family and "family" I wouldn't give the time of day. You and I are SURVIVORS! Hold your head up! They didn't break us! They are no longer allowed to have power in our lives. My mom divorced my dad but the JUDGE in the divorce allowed my dad unsupervised visitation even though the divorce decree stated my father had physically and sexually abused all four of his daughters!!! (My two older sisters had to testify.) My mom refused to let us go and we refused to have any contact with him. He was not an alcoholic or a drug addict. He was bipolar. If I could go back in time, I would beat the crap out of that judge for throwing us all under the bus. At any rate, it took me years of therapy to become truly functional. I mean, I did well in school and had a good job and stuff (all my sisters did, too, in spite of everything), but to stop the nightmares and not jump at certain triggers or get enraged, I was lucky to have good therapists, antidepressants that worked and my faith to fill the empty, dark hole in my soul. I empowered myself by getting a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and learning how to shoot and handle a gun. I am blessed in many ways. I have so much love from my children, grand children, sisters, husband, etc. I am so glad you can help others. I try to do so, too. I share so you know you are not alone. I don't feel comfortable sharing all, but enough just to let you know my childhood was rough. I pray you can find that peace that surpasses all understanding! I am so glad you found Mayo Connect. I think you can find help as well as give help and hope to others!
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3 Reactions@peach. You are so right about pets! I have dogs and have had animals all my life. I do not think I would have survived without them!
@parus I can't even begin to understand your frustration. You initially did what is preached to do and sought out therapy. Not only did they let you down, one made your trust issues worse! Medication failed you, and now you have reached out again only to hit another wall. I am curious as to what you are searching for and what you "see" help looking like. Why do you say you are naive to have started this important post? Is your PTSD related to service in one of the armed forces? Or is your PTSD related to childhood abuse or other abuse to you as an adult? What about this thread has been harmful to you? I am clueless but really want to try to understand. I feel certain no one has intentionally meant to harm you or anyone else. There have apparently been several triggers in this thread and to be of help, it would be good to know what they have been.
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2 Reactionsthe laws in the courts need changing so badly. both my mother and father were mentally unbalanced. so no one to turn to. i was starved. when they cleaned the wooden desks in school with banana oil my stomach hurt and my mouth watered because it smelled like food. my sisters still treat me as when we were young which is why i have nothing to do with them for many years. perhaps you have not read my previous notes which is why i truly, truly have been where you have with the beatings and everything else. i can understand every word you are presenting, every word. i understand your suffering most definitly and cry for you and your sisters. i have walked in your shoes and i understand. i was as mad as you and maybe more so. now the hate within me has been somewhat tamed. perhaps because i am 80 years of age. but it never stops and it seems i will take it to the grave with me. BUT I WILL NOT LET IT TAKE OVER. NEVER AGAIN. THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IS TO HAVE MORE CARE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. as it stands now, there is not enough help for them which can save the children and others. with love.
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3 Reactions@peach414144
My service dog is an important member of my support team. Her loyalty and the services she provides have saved my life and my sanity.
Jim
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2 Reactionsi really need to add this: how the family court judges are elected or appointed MUST be changed. they should first be judged themselves for their fitness to be a judge in family court and; every so often be judged again for their fitness.
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