How about a laugh, (hopefully)

The second part to my long story which I think is a funny experience--I am weird or so I've been told.
During the Viet Nam war--Police Action or maybe a political favor--I lived in Wichita, KS. I got a letter "inviting" me to take a free bus ride to Kansas City for a Classification Physical for the Draft Board. I met a guy on the bus and we became friends. He had severe eye problems, vision was 1500/1000 and he had glasses with thick lens. He should have been classified as 4F but wasn't. We both joined up to be in the KS National Guard in a Floatation Bridge Company. I was one of aa few men who had a college degree so I got to be the Company Clerk. I got to help setup the personnel files. I noticed that the Physical reports for both of us, as well as the those who had also been on the bus, were stamped across the eye part of the report, "Not Required for Enlistment." Almost a year later I got to go to Basic Training. Our first summer camp, the Battalion decided to give us a week of Basic. Each Company had its own transportation to the summer camp and Battalion brought some buses. We were picked up at our summer camp area and bused to a special area. As we got off the buses, we were met by an ape screaming at us. How did we know it was an ape, his knuckles were touching the ground. At the end of the week, we joined our companies and had a regular week with our companies.

A few years later, it was our turn for our Company's Proficiency Test. The last weekend before we left for summer camp, the last thing the Company Commander said to us was as food for thought was, "I don't think we are ready for the test. If we don't pass the test, we will spend the weekend training. I'm still company clerk and I am doing my job but I didn't know about the rest because I never got to see what they were doing. I believed him, so I did not bring any civilian clothes just my uniforms. The threat worked. We not only passed the test, we scored the highest score in the history of the Battalion. We got the weekend off. My fellow clerk had brought civies. We got a ride with one of the Battalion men to go to Minneapolis. He said, "If I yawn, I'm pulling over and one of you can drive. I'll go to the back seat and sleep. We were on the road about fifteen minutes. He yawned and pulled over, we switched places. The other clerk was driving. The battalion man laid down on the back seat and was unconscious before we pulled way. His falling asleep stuck with me and scared me. When I fell asleep like that I knew my driving days were over. I ended up paying for the room at the downtown Holiday Inn. All I had was my summer khaki summer uniform. When we checked in, a string of fun events started. I got a military discount at the hotel. We dropped our stuff in our room. For those who have never been to Minneapolis, Hennepin Street is the Party Street and this is where we are. We stop at a bar. We both pay for our drinks, mine is a little cheaper. As we get close to the bottom, somebody came over and said to me, I'll buy you a round. I said Thank you. My other clerk says, "What about me? I work right next to him!" The guy says you are not in uniform. I say Thank you again and my "buddy" is stewing. The Porno theater is showing "Deep Throat" and "The Devil and Miss Jones" so we decide to go in. I got in free, he had to pay!
My point to this story is the connection with falling asleep while driving. Writing it brought back memories.

Thank you...thank you...THANK YOU for keeping this going!!
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My dog used to chase people on bikes a lot. It got so bad that finally I had to take his bike away.

When I look in the mirror and see gray hair, tiny wrinkles, and dimming eyes, I think
"They sure don't make mirrors like they used to.”

Wanna Wada Jokey

Why do fish swim in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea!

What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing, It just waved!

My house is haunted by a chicken. It is actually a poultry-geist.
A real fowl spirit.
I called in an egg-orcist.
He was helping it to cross over to the other side.

Let's getta barnyard heme going....Where's the beef?

Why was the steak always calm? Because it was well-done.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
Why did the cow go broke? Because the steaks were too high.
What's the steak's least favourite dance? The tender-loin.
Don't brisket, risk it.
Let's meat halfway on dinner.

If you're happy and you know it stay in bed.
If you're happy and you know it stay in bed.
If you're happy and you know it, getting up will surely blow it.
If you're happy and you know it, stay in bed.

I'm so old I can remember when paper bags were destroying the world and plastic was to save us all!

I keep asking my Chiropractor to update the portrait in the room. I tired of seeing the same old guy. I know it is really a mirror.

I remember when movies were 10 cents to get in and a coke was a nickel (1946)!

A salesman was driving on a country road and as he passed a farm, he saw a pig with a wooden leg. He pulled into the farm. He went to the farmer and asked, "Why does that pig have a wooden leg." The replied, "Awhile back we had a fire in one of barns and set the house on fire as well, his noise woke us up and saved our lives." "Okay, but why the wooden leg?" "Well, a pig like that, you can't kill and eat. But we needed a ham roast.

@rollingf That is definitely a "groaner!" : )