Survivors?

I sincerely hope that your outlook and your health both improve. One of the worst affictions a person can have.
After my partial nephrectomy a couple years ago when I was discussing a followup visit, the lady on the phone said it would not be with urology, but with the survivor's clinic.

I know how debilitating depression is, but yes, definitely you will survive this. I’m currently going through therapy and trying to prioritize my health and well-being for the first time in my life. It does get better.

Don’t give up. Hold onto hope, because sometimes it truly is all we have to hold onto. Try to find a support network, it helps to be able to vent with people who understand without being uncomfortable. My psychiatrist helped me with that. I will pray that you are doing better soon.

@rufus31- I think you mentioned something about a long-time prescription no longer working as well in another thread?

Please do be in touch with your provider or their nurse/receptionist today. I've found that providers do try to help on the double with any mental health/mental health medication issues that arise.

Is your provider aware of what a tough time you've had lately? If so, how did they respond?

@lisalucier
Yes indeed, that was me. I'm still in the "waiting" period to see if this last increase is going to be effective. To date, it clearly has not. According to my Psych. and what I've read, the uptake period can take longer as we get older.
My next appointment with him is at the end of this month, that will have been almost 8 weeks since the increase. If there is no movement to the positive side, we will have to look into a Plan B.
I feel stuck in a purgatory of SO hoping the increase will take hold ( I try really, really not to give up on Hope, even when it is transient) and so afraid of what my next hell will be if it doesn't.

Better survivor than victim. Speaks to resilience and strength.

@rufus31 have you tried any fast acting antidepressants that could help get you some relief while you wait for others to kick in? Spravato or IV ketamine?

Certainly relate to what you're saying here. It is a battle & when it's not improving with the passage of time, yah ... ugh. That's a sign we need to Switch Gears & find a time out escape.

The ones that we can immediately implement & that are safest to reach for are obviously preferred.

Even small efforts can help. Think of what's worked in the past. What has someone else said helps them? Try a known or new one. Music, comedy, going outside, a call to a friend etc. breathing exercises are also very helpful. The Navy Seal Blue Dot 4 second ie slow inhale, 4 rest, 4 exhale, 4 rest while looking at that blue dot doing exactly that size/timewise is amazing. Science says even one round reduces heart rate.

It is important that we keep diverting ourselves from the overload we experience usually daily. I'm glad you posted what you experience here. Also appreciate your very honest description.

You know yourself best as to what helps you. I hope some of the people here replying reassures you that at least you're not alone. We never know when how one person describes something causes a shift in ourselves. The good kind. Feel for ya. ♡☆♡ !!!

As I do far too often here, I'm going long, but I want to offer a number of suggestions.

I went through a very deep depression that led to hospitalization following a near miss at taking my life. It proved to have been triggered by the antidepressant I was on (Effexor) , a rare but known complication. So definitely ask if any prescription you're on can possibly have this side effect. I was actually the one who discovered what was going on with online research, and since getting off the medication and switching to another one (Lamotrigine), have had essentially no serious depressive episodes for more than two years now, and the minor ones have passed quickly. A first for me, and I'm 62.

With online research, ONLY look to legitimate sources, NOT sites where some random person decided to attack doctors and the pharmaceutical industry. Those can be filled with disinformation, and thus detrimental. I found a peer reviewed paper on PubMed that described my symptoms and the potential for the medication to cause them, and subsequently after the medication switch found another study with the same findings on the British Medical Journal.

In the hospital I received a late middle aged bipolar 2 diagnosis, and given a lifetime of depression issues that fit the description perfectly, I believe it to be accurate. I'd never in my life gone a single year without several cycles of sometimes very deep depression, and in the three or four years prior to getting off Effexor was rapidly veering towards self-harm. So I know what it's like to feel so helpless. Again I want to stress, that's something that medication being the cause for the spiral is rare, so I'm not promising anything. But talk with your provider. If you're seeing a general practitioner, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. They're far more aware of potential mental health medication complications than family doctors are.

Also, you don't mention if you're seeing a therapist, but that's been the other big piece of the recovery for me. And despite the successful medication switch, I'm still attending.

I did have a momentary suicidal thought while falling asleep one night last week, the first since changing meds. I sat up and said "NO! Not going back there," and it vanished, but I have no question that this was owing to the medication as much as any willpower. I immediately emailed my therapist, told my wife in the morning, and called my psychiatrist's office. At present both the doctor and therapist think, given how it emerged as I fell asleep and that I was able to chase it out without delay, that it was old patterned behavior from when I was in the pit, not an actual crisis. But we're all taking it seriously and monitoring to be sure.

So keep your provider, therapist if you're seeing one, and any trusted friends and/or family members updated. I have good friend who's my go to guy if anything goes awry and my wife is out of reach (she sometimes goes hiking in remote areas without cell coverage). I have a good circle of longtime friends who I've been fully open with about what happened and talking about it has been more helpful than I can say in words. If you have trusted friends, don't hide it. You won't feel so lost and alone.

One very useful tool for me has been eMoods. I started using it after getting off the Effexor. It's a daily mood tracker and I now I have two-and-a-half years worth of data on myself. It's a way of detecting any patterns and triggers that might be adding to the difficulties. Things I hadn't noticed before I now see. I highly suggest it.
https://insights.emoodtracker.com/login
Also, 988Hotline saved my life. If I hadn't finally reached out the day I hit the bottom, I wouldn't be here to write these words. File this away.
https://988lifeline.org
One thing I took away from several years of spiraling so deeply downward and then being successfully treated is that people like yourself are strong, not weak. People who are suffering as much as I was and who can still get out of bed in the morning, much less go through their daily lives, have power. Most people aren't as fortunate as I was, it was luck of the draw that my spiral was medication driven. But from the perspective I now have, I am in awe of people who can keep going. I nearly didn't. That extreme depression that life no longer seems to have any value is real. Take a few moments every day to reflect on the strength that has brought you this far despite your towering obstacles.

And please keep us updated. All of us are here to listen and offer suggestions. We care about you. You are a fellow human being. You aren't alone in this.

@shmerdloff
You are so right. Brilliant thought 😊