Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

I want to age in place, which I've already done. I'm nearly 97, so probably not too much ageing left. I live with my son, and he does everything. I get around with a cane, outside with a walker.
I count my blessings daily.

I was furious at my husband when he died; I felt he was responsible due to his lifestyle, smoking, and addicted to salt, every meal white with salt. He was only 63, and I was 57 at the time. We talked about it the night before he went into the hospital. He assured me he wouldn't die. Two days later, I had a call to come in. Immediately, I knew he was gone.
The doctor came into the little room they had put me in and announced in one sentence *Your husband died at 11:35, can we have his parts?" I was in shock, replied that it was up to my son. My son said no. We had been married for 39 years, I was completely lost, had never been on my own, and grieved him for a very long time. Eventually, I remarried, only to lose my second husband to cancer after 20 years.

I'm in a similar boat. Nobody to talk to who understands. His impairment, from birth, is hardly mild. I've always been the only adult in the family. He seems whole and functional, good clerical and research skills and has had a career, but is impossible to relate to and reason with one on one, in a reciprocal and mature way. When I started going out for a break after we retired, he began having his "secret lover" around to our place. She seems to be a vulnerable person, who worked under him and greatly admires him. She told me she believes in love. I am dealing with a man who has, from birth, hypoxic ischaemic encephalopathy and a right internal capsule infarct

Your experience can accurately reflect the female gene life expectancy vs. the male gene. On a clear day, rise up and appreciate the time you enjoyed with these men. Look into learning about stoicism, the messages will lift your spirits for the balance of your life journey. Good luck.

@becsbuddy
I am looking for help with how to handle different situations with my husband who is in early stages, but not early enough for drugs to help much. He is 83 and I am 80. I have a leaky heart valve .

You sound much like me. It is so sad to see your love one slowly slipping away. I am lucky enough to have a good friend whose went though it several years ago, so I remember many of the beginning of her husbands memory lost. Myself I am dealing with CHF. I had a major episode last summer that I think made his decline speed up somewhat . After a month in hospital and another month in rehab, I could see the difference when I got home. I am lucky enough to have a great support system in place, but most all of them are much younger and just don’t quite get it!

@tryingtimes10 We are just beginning this journey.I miss the man I married though.It can be very lonely and I just want to isolate myself.My husband is basically still functionally independent but I’m so sad to lose the emotional connection we always had.His memory is so poor that all of our conversations feel empty. He doesn’t remember anything I say to him and it’s so frustrating feel so disconnected now.

@debbid1958 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I am so glad that you found the site and that you responded to another member.

@tricianne Your best bet is to read any and all entries in this discussion thread and others like it.
*Some members have mentioned an on-line class by Teepa Snow.
*Also suggest that you find a support group in your town. Ask at Senior Centers and assisted living places.
*Check around for social workers. They usually have lots of information!
*You may also have to research who can help your husband if you are ever hospitalized .
*Just a thought, you might look into assisted living places, you would both be comfortable, and you wouldn’t worry in the event of a hospitalization.
*Ask, here on MCC, what others have done in situations
AND, I almost forgot, Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! This discussion is a perfect example of how Connect works. Members give helpful advice from their own experiences , sharing the good and the bad. I know you will find other discussions in Caregiving:Dementia and folks to help!

@debbid1958
Hi Debbie you might seek out a Nerologist who is familiar with infusions
Called Lequembi and Kisunla
They are infusions to help the plaque around the brain
disappear slowly.
I am on Lequembi
It is helping.
Joyce