Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@oneput: Thank you for your post and encouragement in being the caregiver who needs to be FIRM in safety decisions. I have been dreading the “no driving” talk and the resistance it will cause. This situation is all new to me, but I am learning so much from this forum and grateful to all who post their experiences and guidance. Hugs…

If its any help, those tough decisions like driving and rehab and assisted living? Let the doctor or occupational therapist report do it.
Doctor won’t say it? Then have a talk with him/her and request that he/she say testing is needed. No if and or buts, testing is needed.
OT should be paid for by medicare. Could be a PT also will do driving test but usually OT.
Talk with the therapist privately before testing. Ask that they request the car keys at the end of testing if the score is too low.

Then you’re not the bad guy. You are following what the doctor said to do.

I realize this doesn’t work in all cases. There may be a refusal to go, or a refusal to follow doctor’s orders.
But many elderly will do what the doctor says. (I’m an OT.)

My mother fell went to rehab and at the end of therapy meeting with therapist and staff, she was told she could not go home again. She believed them.

I actually wasn’t happy with this. And in reality - the rehab had no control over what she did after she left, but they convinced her they did. (My brother was making decisions then for her care snd this is what he wanted.)

No one of us has the right to drive if the risk is high we will hurt someone.

I miss the intelligible conversations we had. 61 yrs -4 grown sons and 6 grandchildren. I am trying to control my patience and care. We are in our 80s and secure w money but he is feeling “why me” and hurting our relationship.

@dbamos1945

The driving thing was the worst-he can’t get over it and it spoils our little excursions. If he causes me to have a little fender bender then I will lose my license but sometimes he thinks that would be good to prove himself right that I am not a good driver. I have given up

@IndianaScott
Good morning. My husband who is 80 yrs old was first told he had metabolic encephylopathy after his back fusion in late January. He is recovering well from that surgery but mentally is suffering from what they said was baseline dementia. He has had some improvement over time with the cognitive test, but very recently began having episodes where he does not know who I am. He remembers everything and everyone else, except me. He thinks I am an evil twin and it is extremely upsetting as we have a wonderful and loving marriage. I am writing because I do have no idea what I should be doing or feeling. I am having a very difficult time during these episodes. I am looking for some guidance on what questions I should be asking, how I should be responding to get me through these difficult periods, and if there is someone I can talk to to help me get through these times.

Additional relevant information is that my husband is being treated for prostate cancer which has metastacized and he takes Zytiga+prednisone as his treatment plan. The neurologist specifically calls attention to the prednisone as if that could be the issue but since it is prescribed by the oncologist at Mayo, she doesn't change it. Should I be reaching out to the oncologist for a change in medication. He has been on it since October 2024 and since that time is when we began to notice some mental confusion.

I'm sorry if I sound like I an rambling, but at the moment I am just beside myself. Someone told me maybe I should contact palliative care or a service that can give me a break once or twice a week. As I said, this is relatively new, and I am just trying to reach out to others who have more experience with such things. Thanks for listening.

Patricia

@islanders1952 There definitely may be a connection to his behavior and prednisone, its a condition called "steroid dementia syndrome". There are other meds for prostate cancer. You probably do want to contact the oncologist or someone on the cancer team to check.

@islanders1952 i am really sorry you are going through all of this— of course it is extremely upsetting to you— how could it ‘not’ be? Your love does not remember you— thats a huge thing to process…its sad and it hurts in ways we cant even imagine. try to remember it is the disease— and yes— get help…i just recently havebeen finding a lot of help through my husbands new clinic— Archwell— who specializes in treating people over 65– and their special and sometimes difficult needs. Maybe find someone like that? Know you are not alone— and that someone out here cares. 🧡

Thank you so much for your reply. I will try to find help in my area. I live in St. Augustine, Fl. I just have no idea of where to begin. I do know I feel very alone and would like to converse with others who experience the same issues. Thank you for caring.

@triciaot
I have just reached out to the oncologist at Mayo Clinic to see if there is an alternative to the prednisone. Thanks for the information.